So I wrote a single stanza

[Jean Poutine]

In English.

Tell me if it's any good and if I should pursue this further. Sigh. So frustrating.

Fury unbound travels 'long my brain cells
Hopelessness strikes as a lone wolf no more
Heavy weights drag me down as in their shells
Turtles crawl down the thin sand of the shore

[Jupiter]

i think it's pretty good. i think you should keep going.

[embers]

Pursue each separate line as a stanza on its own. They would all work well as beginnings to different images exploring the same theme - what I'm basically saying is to let the piece breathe now that you've got foundations. Build upon each image in each line and you should end up with 4 or more stanzas describing and exploring images of their own.

so yeah. Just those four lines in one stanza seem to be without direction and disjointed, they need their own space.

[Jean Poutine]

Pursue each separate line as a stanza on its own. They would all work well as beginnings to different images exploring the same theme - what I'm basically saying is to let the piece breathe now that you've got foundations. Build upon each image in each line and you should end up with 4 or more stanzas describing and exploring images of their own.

so yeah. Just those four lines in one stanza seem to be without direction and disjointed, they need their own space.

Yeah, that was the idea. That's the only thing I have written right now so it can't really convey what I want it to ultimately convey. I have to build up on it, just wanted to know if by the form it was good enough to pursue.

Unfortunately I'm really brain dead right now. Stupid midterms.

[embers]

Yeah, that was the idea. That's the only thing I have written right now so it can't really convey what I want it to ultimately convey. I have to build up on it, just wanted to know if by the form it was good enough to pursue.

Unfortunately I'm really brain dead right now. Stupid midterms.

Alright, that's cool man. :P And yeah, I don't really get the time to write either anymore and anything I do is pretty much incoherent bullshit that can't be pursued. Everyone who writes has it, writing's pretty shit tough work man

[Iris]

Beautiful and vivid. Keep going <3