Yehudis13
February 21st, 2012, 04:15 PM
Tell me if I'm any good. This is sort of the first chapter, more of a prologue to a Harry Potter fanfiction I'm writing that takes place during the sixth book. It is about dracos life during that time. Here it is. Please tell me if it is any good.
Chapter one
A boy sits between his mother and father. *His normally pale face, is paler than ever. *His blonde hair tousled and uncombed. *His father sits and looks straight ahead, not a care for his son. *There are other people present, sitting at the long mahogany table. *The young boy's mother is shaking with fear and dread, and she keeps squeezing his thigh. *Her hand is sweaty, and the lad grasps onto it. *At the head of the table is the boss. *He is a sad excuse for a human being. *He has eyes of a snake, and his fingernails are like claws on a lion. He is feared by many. *His name is Voldemort. *He calls to the boy in his sickening voice, "Draco, young boy, come here."
His mother pushes him. *"Go my child," she says, the pain clearly visible on her face.
The child gets up, fear in his eyes. *He walks over to Voldemort and awaits his fait. * The villain strokes Draco's left wrist. *The boy tastes danger on the tip of his tongue as Voldemort touches him with his dirty fingernails. *Just the thought makes him shudder. *"What's the matter," Voldemort asks, danger dripping in his voice. *"Are you afraid of joining the winning side?"
Draco stutters, trying to answer, but his throat make a web, catching all his words in its sticky pattern. *He shakes his head ever so slightly. *Voldemort strokes Draco's face, cradling his pale head in his filthy claws. *Draco shivers, his teeth chattering so loudly, he is sure the whole room can hear him.
The Dark Lord mutters words words that only Draco can hear, and even so, it is like a distant echo that has bounced back many times. *Draco closes his eyes, waiting for the pain. *It doesn't come. *The lad opens his eyes, and a tattoo of a snake lunging itself at Draco is revealing itself on his left arm. *He know he is a part of the dark side now. *He has a pit deep inside of his stomach trying to drag him out of the mess, telling him he is doing the wrong thing, but Draco ignores it.
Voldemort claps for Draco, and all the Death Eaters join in. *Draco can sense the awkwardness that everyone is feeling along with him. *He feels all eyes on him for the umpteenth time that day after the applauding ceases. *Draco's arms are erect as he walks back to the table and sits by the empty spot. *He know that when he returns to Hogwarts he will be a different man. *He knows that he will be a new person. *The murmuring resumes after the child sits, but not long after, Voldemort raises his hand, demanding silence.
"Before anyone leaves," Voldemort begins, "Draco, I have a request that must be fulfilled."
The room tenses as Voldemort says these words. *Draco knows they are all thinking of what Voldemort wants with a newcomer. *He can't answer the question himself though, because he hasn't the slightest idea, so he just sits there looking puzzled with all the rest.
"Draco, you are the only Death Eater currently attending Hogwarts," Voldemort begins, "I need you to do what has been the unthinkable until this point. *I need you to killAlbus Bryan Wulfric Percival Dumbledore."
The room already so silent that you can hear a pin drop, becomes so silent, that the room is thick. *Thick with anticipation. *Thick with puzzled expressions, and thick with with sweat building up on the back of everyone's neck
Draco looks more confident now that he knows he has Voldemort's fate in his hands. *He nods his head surely, taking the quest with grace. *Draco sits back down once more, and he clasps his own sweaty hand into his mother's. *He is important now, and that is what he has been waiting for his whole life.
---
I guess I found my amswer
hey, just to let you know - if you don't get a reply soon, it's not the end of the world! it takes time for people to reply to most threads. try not to double post like that. :P -embers
Chapter one
A boy sits between his mother and father. *His normally pale face, is paler than ever. *His blonde hair tousled and uncombed. *His father sits and looks straight ahead, not a care for his son. *There are other people present, sitting at the long mahogany table. *The young boy's mother is shaking with fear and dread, and she keeps squeezing his thigh. *Her hand is sweaty, and the lad grasps onto it. *At the head of the table is the boss. *He is a sad excuse for a human being. *He has eyes of a snake, and his fingernails are like claws on a lion. He is feared by many. *His name is Voldemort. *He calls to the boy in his sickening voice, "Draco, young boy, come here."
His mother pushes him. *"Go my child," she says, the pain clearly visible on her face.
The child gets up, fear in his eyes. *He walks over to Voldemort and awaits his fait. * The villain strokes Draco's left wrist. *The boy tastes danger on the tip of his tongue as Voldemort touches him with his dirty fingernails. *Just the thought makes him shudder. *"What's the matter," Voldemort asks, danger dripping in his voice. *"Are you afraid of joining the winning side?"
Draco stutters, trying to answer, but his throat make a web, catching all his words in its sticky pattern. *He shakes his head ever so slightly. *Voldemort strokes Draco's face, cradling his pale head in his filthy claws. *Draco shivers, his teeth chattering so loudly, he is sure the whole room can hear him.
The Dark Lord mutters words words that only Draco can hear, and even so, it is like a distant echo that has bounced back many times. *Draco closes his eyes, waiting for the pain. *It doesn't come. *The lad opens his eyes, and a tattoo of a snake lunging itself at Draco is revealing itself on his left arm. *He know he is a part of the dark side now. *He has a pit deep inside of his stomach trying to drag him out of the mess, telling him he is doing the wrong thing, but Draco ignores it.
Voldemort claps for Draco, and all the Death Eaters join in. *Draco can sense the awkwardness that everyone is feeling along with him. *He feels all eyes on him for the umpteenth time that day after the applauding ceases. *Draco's arms are erect as he walks back to the table and sits by the empty spot. *He know that when he returns to Hogwarts he will be a different man. *He knows that he will be a new person. *The murmuring resumes after the child sits, but not long after, Voldemort raises his hand, demanding silence.
"Before anyone leaves," Voldemort begins, "Draco, I have a request that must be fulfilled."
The room tenses as Voldemort says these words. *Draco knows they are all thinking of what Voldemort wants with a newcomer. *He can't answer the question himself though, because he hasn't the slightest idea, so he just sits there looking puzzled with all the rest.
"Draco, you are the only Death Eater currently attending Hogwarts," Voldemort begins, "I need you to do what has been the unthinkable until this point. *I need you to killAlbus Bryan Wulfric Percival Dumbledore."
The room already so silent that you can hear a pin drop, becomes so silent, that the room is thick. *Thick with anticipation. *Thick with puzzled expressions, and thick with with sweat building up on the back of everyone's neck
Draco looks more confident now that he knows he has Voldemort's fate in his hands. *He nods his head surely, taking the quest with grace. *Draco sits back down once more, and he clasps his own sweaty hand into his mother's. *He is important now, and that is what he has been waiting for his whole life.
---
I guess I found my amswer
hey, just to let you know - if you don't get a reply soon, it's not the end of the world! it takes time for people to reply to most threads. try not to double post like that. :P -embers