Friend is physicaly abused...

[beebs]

Hi, my friend told me today that her mum hurts her and her sisters, she didnt say exacully how but she got real emotional about it.

Ive told her to tell her social workers, or someone else.

But shes too scared about her family being split up, she loves her mum and her sister and doesnt want to loose them.

But shes sick of what her mum does to her regulally.

I really want to help her, because i feel scared for her, for her being there, i dont want her to be hurt anymore, but i dont want to break her trust and do something behind her back.

What should I do?

[Wooba]

That's really a tough position to be in, you could do something to drastically change her life around (for the better, i hope), but if it doesn't work out you could also risk loosing a friend.
First of all i'd make sure that she's telling the truth. Not to say she's lying, but i used to have a friend who said every night her parents would beat her. Turns out none of it was true, and the police ended up knocking on her door for no reason.

One thing you could do is suggest therapy to her. I'm not sure what the laws are like where you live, but unless she presses charges against her mother, she can't go to jail. So having her blurt everything out in therapy wouldn't be harmful at all.
Another thing is to encourage her to stand up to her mother. Most abuse victims usually feel helpless, so being at her back encouraging her to confront her mom in a non-violent way is a lot of help.

I'm not too good in these subjects, so i'll stop there. :) i really hope things work out for your friend.

[Laxou]

Hi, my friend told me today that her mum hurts her and her sisters, she didnt say exacully how but she got real emotional about it.

Ive told her to tell her social workers, or someone else.

But shes too scared about her family being split up, she loves her mum and her sister and doesnt want to loose them.

But shes sick of what her mum does to her regulally.

I really want to help her, because i feel scared for her, for her being there, i dont want her to be hurt anymore, but i dont want to break her trust and do something behind her back.

What should I do?

tell her to complain to the main teacher or any other part of her familly

[CuriousDestruction]

As cam said, not an easy position to be in at all. I would suggest having her talk to a counselor or therapist, even if it's not to tell them about the abuse they can try to help her through stuff in general. You can tell a teacher or social worker or cop and maybe you'll lose her trust but you might also save her life. Abuse victims, especially when the abuser is family, don't always report it because they do love their family. But it could get really bad and she still might not report it. Depending on the severity of the abuse you may want to decide that it's a risk worth taking.

most importantly through all of this, be her friend. Be there for her. Show her you love and support her and will be there through anything. Friends are often the best medicine to get through it all. I wish you luck. -hugs-

[Amaryllis]

A lot of the time, we feel ashamed. She told you, though. So she must really trust you or a part of her must want help. You've posted on VT for a while and you have many problems you're working on handling yourself, so my best advice is to take care. Of yourself.

On airplanes they tell you to put the oxygen mask on you before the person next to you in case of an emergency. This is like that.

People who've suffered or are suffering from abuse generally have horrible anger issues. I know I do. And the more comfortable I am with someone, the more likely I am to lash out at them. Just a warning, in case she blows up on you or something along those lines.

It's hard to get help for someone who's unwilling the corporate. Perhaps try to convince her to talk to a counsellor or someone she trusts. The bigger her support group, the better. People who suffer from abuse tend to be quite a handful, it's no surprise, we have too much to tell and too little to say.

Tell her to call you or talk to you whenever she wants/needs to, that is if you feel you can handle it. Because even a usually-stable person like me gets triggered by the pain of others.

I don't recommend doing something behind her back. The consequences for us is usually painful and detrimental. I told one of my friends my parents weren't together and my mother beat and starved me for a week. The verbal "comments" tend to be even worse.

All you can do is try to encourage her to seek help and lend her an ear. The rest is up to your friend. All the best, Laura. Take care.

[iLove Justin Bieber]

I would tell her to have a chat with her mum about it and if her mum was honestly bad and wouldn't see what she was doing was wrong, then maybe she should tell social workers or a teacher but sometimes social workers can be very misleading and it could end up how you never would have expected it so it's a very hard decision to make

[Spook]

I know how hard it is, I've been in your situation before. The worst thing you could do is go behind her back, though. There's a good chance she will place alot of anger and blame on you in the end, even though she may know herself that she was being abused and was unsafe. What you can do now is encourage her to go to a counselor, to help her figure out a plan of what she can do. Don't try to place responsibility on your own shoulders, encourage her to get an adult to help. It's best to not go behind her back if you aren't sure what's really going on or what the consequences of your actions will be. Don't jump before looking over the cliff, you may jump too far.