Losing my Virginity ( Really could use another perspective on this)

[hallo]

I know this is long but i really need some advice so please take the time to read it and let me know what you think.

So here’s my story, (not really a story, just background so you can help give me advice)
I’m 17 and I manage to do well for myself with girls but I’ve never lost my virginity. It’s not really a huge deal to me but I would like to lose it. I’ve been talking to a girl for a month or two now who I’ve known for a long time, I’ve always liked her, whether it was as a friend or more and now we’ve slowly drifted into becoming something more. Really we're just hooking up often and I can tell she really likes me. I know most people would say that losing your virginity to something that quickly is too quick but I’m honestly a lot more mature than you would think and it’s just doesn’t seem that quick to me, I’m ready, I know I’m ready. She’s already lost her virginity though, I believe she was drunk and it was just a bad period of time in her life (a month were she had sex, mostly drunk sex, with like 3 different guys). She hasn’t had sex since then, and she isn’t a whore, and she isn’t like that anymore.
So my problem is,
I want to have sex with her and I’m ready but I thought of something that has now got me extremely confused. I know I’m going to be friends with her for a long time and we might end up going out. She’s just my kind of girl and I know I’ll stay in contact with her for a long time.
I don’t know if I want to have sex with her because I like her. I know this sounds like the opposite of what most say but the thing is, I feel like if I have lose my virginity to her and she’s already lost her virginity I might become attached to her for reasons I can’t control. Ill become attached simply because I lost my virginity to her.
I don’t want it to be like that, I want to like her simply because I like her.

Not to sound full of myself, but I could easily hook up and have sex with another girl who I don’t like and will not have any future with. And I’m considering doing this so I can just get rid of my virginity. It’s not something I care too much about, and I don’t want it to get in the way of my actual feelings.

I know this is long but just let me know what you think; I could really use some other opinions on this.

Also I don’t know what exactly to do, because I’m not completely sure if shell care if I lose my virginity/have sex with this other girl. I don’t know if shell want me back or what will happen, but she might and that would be perfect.

Let me know what you think please, I really need the help.

I would go to my friends with this or a family member but im afraid theyll just think its stupid that im thinking like this.

[hallo]

Please any advice could help me just come to a decision

[KidImage]

No one can pick for you. Live life with no regrets so do what you think is best.

[BossHogg]

Talk to her about it and tell her how you feel about her and you being a virgin and all.... and hopefully she will understand and maybe yall will become even closer than yall were before,...communication is the key to all good relationships, talk to her.. it will help you and you will find your answer then,...^_^

[Wesley1369]

i think you should try to make the first time special, and then after that i think you could be less strict about the girls you hook up with, thats from my personal experience

[AppealToReason]

I, nor anyone else, can tell you what to do. Honestly, I'm sure you already know what you want to do as well and are just looking for some reassurance.
Your virginity is something you can never regain. You should view it as a special thing, not just something to waste on someone random girl.
Anyways, you sound like you already like her, so I don't see why losing your virginity to her will change things.

[Shining Star]

i think you should try to make the first time special, and then after that i think you could be less strict about the girls you hook up with, thats from my personal experience

Totally agree with this. ;)

[hallo]

I, nor anyone else, can tell you what to do. Honestly, I'm sure you already know what you want to do as well and are just looking for some reassurance.
Your virginity is something you can never regain. You should view it as a special thing, not just something to waste on someone random girl.
Anyways, you sound like you already like her, so I don't see why losing your virginity to her will change things.
I agree too, but im not really worried about it being special, like i said i want us to be good and i dont want any emotional attachments to her from losing my virginity to her, i just want to like her simply becuase i do, not becuase i lost my virginity to her.
i think you should try to make the first time special, and then after that i think you could be less strict about the girls you hook up with, thats from my personal experience

and i dont want to talk to her about it, it most liely just sound stupid and weird to her.

[monkeydo]

Talk to her about it and tell her how you feel about her and you being a virgin and all.... and hopefully she will understand and maybe yall will become even closer than yall were before,...communication is the key to all good relationships, talk to her.. it will help you and you will find your answer then,...^_^

If she's as special as you say, then I agree with this.... communication and honesty is everything. I think most relationship problems happen because of misunderstandings, and misunderstandings happen because of a lack of communication and honesty. It would be good for her to understand you and what you're thinking, and since it directly concerns her, maybe she should help you make this decision.

[hallo]

If she's as special as you say, then I agree with this.... communication and honesty is everything. I think most relationship problems happen because of misunderstandings, and misunderstandings happen because of a lack of communication and honesty. It would be good for her to understand you and what you're thinking, and since it directly concerns her, maybe she should help you make this decision.

Yeah but seriously, shes going to think im retarded.
Whats she going to say? "yeah i want you to go screw someone else to lose your virginity"?

[Short Circuit]

Well, if you have got to ask people on here if you should or should not have sex, then you are not ready for it. Although I am younger than you, I have had several (7) sexual partners, and to be honest, wish I had waited till I was older, but there is nothing I can do about it now.

Sex IS NOT the be all and end all of a relationship, it just bonds it. Don't just do it because you can, do it because you want the closeness it brings.

But that is only my view, decide for yourself.

[Desuetude]

Well, if you have got to ask people on here if you should or should not have sex, then you are not ready for it. Although I am younger than you, I have had several (7) sexual partners, and to be honest, wish I had waited till I was older, but there is nothing I can do about it now.

Sex IS NOT the be all and end all of a relationship, it just bonds it. Don't just do it because you can, do it because you want the closeness it brings.

But that is only my view, decide for yourself.

To be honest i agree with this, if you are asking strangers on the internet then you arn't really ready. I know that you just want to get it over with but in my opinion i say wait, it will just make things awkward for you two and and like you say, you might get emotionally attached.
But yeah, it's your decision in the end.

[hallo]

To be honest i agree with this, if you are asking strangers on the internet then you arn't really ready. I know that you just want to get it over with but in my opinion i say wait, it will just make things awkward for you two and and like you say, you might get emotionally attached.
But yeah, it's your decision in the end.

Trust me im ready for it, you dont seem to be getting my point. Its not that im unsure about having sex, its about im unsure about who i want to do it with. Im going to have sex sooner or later no matter what, but im not sure if i want to do it with this girl because i dont want to get emotionally attatched to her in any way, i want to like her simply becuase i like her, not because i lost my virginity to her. So i thought it might be smart to just have sex with someone else that i wont have any attatchment to in the first place, then come back to this other girl.
Not sure if that makes sense.

[Desuetude]

Trust me im ready for it, you dont seem to be getting my point. Its not that im unsure about having sex, its about im unsure about who i want to do it with. Im going to have sex sooner or later no matter what, but im not sure if i want to do it with this girl because i dont want to get emotionally attatched to her in any way, i want to like her simply becuase i like her, not because i lost my virginity to her. So i thought it might be smart to just have sex with someone else that i wont have any attatchment to in the first place, then come back to this other girl.
Not sure if that makes sense.

Right, i understand now.
Shoot me if im wrong but isnt the point of sex to have it with someone you want to spend "the rest of your life with" i know that thats not what you want and isn't usually what happens with most people but then wouldn't it be better for you to have it with the girl you like instead of a girl you don't know just to get it over with. I mean to me that seems like the sensible option but then im lost as to why you wouldnt want any emotional attatments to her if you like her?
Also i dont think this girl would be to happy if you went to someone else and then came back to her when it was over with? i dont know?

[hallo]

Right, i understand now.
Shoot me if im wrong but isnt the point of sex to have it with someone you want to spend "the rest of your life with" i know that thats not what you want and isn't usually what happens with most people but then wouldn't it be better for you to have it with the girl you like instead of a girl you don't know just to get it over with. I mean to me that seems like the sensible option but then im lost as to why you wouldnt want any emotional attatments to her if you like her?
Also i dont think this girl would be to happy if you went to someone else and then came back to her when it was over with? i dont know?

Yeah your right, that should be right, but i dont think its what i want. Like i said i dont want this emotional attatchment to her, i want to like her for her, not becuase i lost my virginity to her, i dont think i want that part there. Also, shes not a virgin, and i basically had my first kiss with her (this was a while ago, like two years ago then we lost touch and got back together). I dont want to have all my firsts with her when she didnt have any with me. doesnt that make sense?

[Desuetude]

Yeah your right, that should be right, but i dont think its what i want. Like i said i dont want this emotional attatchment to her, i want to like her for her, not becuase i lost my virginity to her, i dont think i want that part there. Also, shes not a virgin, and i basically had my first kiss with her (this was a while ago, like two years ago then we lost touch and got back together). I dont want to have all my firsts with her when she didnt have any with me. doesnt that make sense?

Yes i suppose it does. If shes ok with you having sex with someone else then coming back to her then it sounds like you should just go for it then, I dont know what else anyone can tell you. It seems like you had this figured out at the beggining really so yeah, go for it.

[hallo]

Yes i suppose it does. If shes ok with you having sex with someone else then coming back to her then it sounds like you should just go for it then, I dont know what else anyone can tell you. It seems like you had this figured out at the beggining really so yeah, go for it.

Yeah i feel like thats what id rather do, but i just wanted to hear what other people thought about it, most people sound like they think its the wrong idea though..

[Desuetude]

Yeah i feel like thats what id rather do, but i just wanted to hear what other people thought about it, most people sound like they think its the wrong idea though..

Well yeah they might think it's wrong, like I do, but it's not up to us it's up to you and whatever best suits you and what you feel is right. You're not going to persuade everyone to agree with you so I say just do it.

[unnamed94]

although it seems you already took a decission and are just needing some reassurance, ill tell you what i think. you should lose your virginity with someone special for you and not with some random girl. as you said she likes you and from what i get you like her too, so why not go for it? it will be better than losing your virginity to any girl.

[Carolyn]

I agree too, but im not really worried about it being special, like i said i want us to be good and i dont want any emotional attachments to her from losing my virginity to her, i just want to like her simply becuase i do, not becuase i lost my virginity to her.


and i dont want to talk to her about it, it most liely just sound stupid and weird to her.


You won't end up emotionally attached to her because you lose your virginity to her. It actually sounds like you're already emotionally attached to her.

My advice to you is to really date her. Ask her out and be boyfriend and girlfriend, and see where things go. You want to lose your virginity, but it doesn't have to be *now* it could be in 6 months or a year into officially dating her.


But, I really want you to talk to HER about this. Call her and talk if you're too nervous to go about it face to face. But have an honest talk with her about sex. From what I know of most people, she will probably dislike the fact that she lost her virginity in an un-special way. so, maybe you two could agree to make it special for both of you.

Don't be afraid of emotional attachment. You already like her and she seems to like you. Everything beyond that is compromise and talking about how you honestly feel. That's what relationships are about.

[mase]

Ill become attached simply because I lost my virginity to her.
I don’t want it to be like that, I want to like her simply because I like her

In all seriousness, this might be me being strange but i have no feelings to the girl i lost my virginity to any more, I remember her sometimes but thats about it.

Also another point in my experience, Sex Magnifies feelings, so if you really like this girl go for it! if you have sex with some randy who you dont really like, we've all done it, your gonna cringe every time you see them, i wouldnt recomend it