If I told the truth.

[Megson]

Just a few scenarios if I never lied.

1. "Why do you always wear that jacket?"
Me: "I'm hideous and fat and wearing a baggy jacket hides it. Somewhat." OR "I'm covering up my self-harm cuts."

2. "What happened to your hand?"
Me: "Oh, those scars? I cut myself."

3. "Why don't you ever talk?"
Me: "Because I make a fool out of myself everytime I open my stupid mouth."

4. "How are you today?"
Me: "Absolutely terrible."

5. "Why are you sitting here in the corner away from everyone else?"
Me: "Because everyone else is happier when I'm not bothering them."

6. "You're bleeding. What happened?"
Me: "I was just in the bathroom cutting."

These are a few 'truths' for questions that I often find myself making up excuses for. I never ACTUALLY answer this way. (I hope that was obvious) Feel free to add some of your own, if you want. If not, then feel free to emptily tell me I'm beautiful in my own way and I can get through this.


((Sorry for the negativity...I love your guys' support and all, but the advice I'm given never really...helps.))

[Desuetude]

7. "What's that knife doing up here?"
Me: I've been cutting so when im finished I feel empty, no more pain for a while.

8. "why don't you come downstairs instead of spending the whole day in your room?"
Me: because im better off by myself and I know that if I try and talk to you I will just end up getting angry and ruin the day, so I just don't bother anymore

9. "why don't you get off your laptop and invite some friends over?"
Me: I love my friends but they know nothing about me, I have friends over the internet who understand me, guide me, help me a lot more than my "real" friends could.

10. "why are you getting angry?"
Me: I don't know, I can't control it. Please tell me what to do.

[painful paradice]

have you been hurting yourself (recently asked by my therapist)
yes i have. i like the relief it gives me. but i've been trying to stop (unfortunately not the answer i gave)

what happened to your arm?
oh i branded myself the other week and the scab finally healed leaving a nice old scar.

why do you keep pulling your sleeves down?
oh i branded myself again the other day and the scabs still there

[Mortal Coil]

Why is your knee all scraped up?
Oh well last night I took a razor blade and dragged it down my knee real slow dozens of times.

Why don't you go out with friends?
I don't have friends. I haven't had friends since I was in 6th grade.

Why are you taking so long in the bathroom?
I'm cutting myself, can you hold on for a minute?

Where are you going?
I'm going to meet a man old enough to be my dad so that I can have sex with him.

Yeah, I'm a total fuck-up.

[beebs]

Why do you wear so many bracelets?
So that you cant see the worst of my cuts all over my wrist.

Where are you going?
To sit in a park and try to kill myself.

Why are you not doing PE?
Because I forgot my jumper, and I dont want people seeing my fat disgusting cut up arms.

Why do you want a plastic knife?
Because no one will have a go at you if you have them, and they can be made into very sharp weapons real easily.

Why did you take the blades out of all your sharpeners?
So I could use them to cut myself. Problem?

[Princess Ariel]

Why are you not participating in swim class?
Because I cut, and I don't want people seeing my fat coming out of my bathing suit

Why are you always crying in the washroom?
Becasue I'm a worthless bitch

Are you okay?
No.

Why are you always wearing sweaters?
So you won't see the damage I have done to my arms

Are you lying to me when you say your okay?
Yes.

[Jupiter]

You look a little down, are you okay?

Why in the world would I be okay?

[thegreenone]

Why are you so quiet?
Because I've had 5 friends die in the last year, and I can't vocalize my pain without breaking down...

[Mortal Coil]

Good morning Alex, how was your weekend?
Oh you know, the usual. Just a shit ton of suicide idealization.

So how's your mom?
You mean that alcoholic bitch who gave birth to me almost two decades ago? Normal.

Why aren't you stretching?
My shorts will ride up and I don't want the entire fucking class seeing my cuts.

[painful paradice]

why don't you like your birthday?
oh that's easy. it was the day of the biggest mistake since the bay of pigs. the conception of me was something i don't care to celebrate.

why haven't you done your art in a while?
it got too depressing. everything is too depressing. just leave me alone.

[Desuetude]

Why arn't you doing any homwork?
Because i see the point in nothing anymore, i just couldnt give a shit about anyone or anything.

Did you know that when you eventually go to university i thought you two would miss each other like crazy but it seems you don't get along anymore?
Yeah well things change, dont take it personally, i cant stand anyone anymore. I just target my sister more because we live under the same roof.

Why wont you come to the triathlon club swimming with me?
Ha, because you dont want all your friends seeing that your daughter feels she is a fuck up with scars all over her body. Im doing you a favour.

[LucasRobert0897]

Why have you got a blade in your breast pocket?
Oh in case I want to ruin my arm

Why do you always say your fine?
Because I don't want anyone knowing I'm not

What's with the elastic bands on your wrist?
Helps me not to cut my arm in rage

They're my different ones.

[muffin with a knife]

Why are you cutting yourself?
Oh just because I hate myself and this is the only way to stop these negative feelings.

Why don't you wear shorts in the summer?
Cause I don't want the world to see the cuts on my legs.

Why do you have so many pills?
I'm just getting ready to kill myself.

Why do you always go to the bathroom after someone picks on you?
Oh I just need to cut my arms open so I don't feel worthless.

[Mortal Coil]

What's up with the lighter? Do you smoke?
No. I quit smoking. I use the lighter to sterilize the blade before I cut. Also to burn my skin.

[acryforhelp]

Q: Are you okay?
A: Of course I am (lie)
Q: Would you tell me if your not?
A: No I would never tell you that I am not okay.
Q: Why wont you tell me if your not okay?
A: Because you would never understand.
Q: Why do you think I wouldnt understand?
A: Because all you do is freak out and go hay wire on me anytime I tell you what is really going on.
Q: What do you mean?
A: Do you really want to know that I think about self harm and suicide on an almost constant basis....