Imm1ck3y
February 15th, 2012, 09:56 PM
Naomi stalked her helpless, unsuspecting target from atop a nearby tree. She carefully inspected and observed every nuance, sound and movement around her. Naomi's target looked very poor, his dirty, unkept gray hair looked brown rather than white. His clothes were ripped and torn and turned black from dirt. She thought she saw insects crawl across his white skin. Her targets black eyes looked sullen and desperate, and his lips were dry, as if he hadn't tasted water in ages. He had little meat on his bones, Naomi felt like she was watching a skeleton of a man, if such was possible. Then another man walked into existence , he seemed like the polar opposite of the former. The Magistrate, naomi thought. The magistrate was the ruling council, the men who controlled Kingshires expenses, laws and politics from the shadows. But they did not, and never did, give a hair about the wellbeing of the people. The magistrates were rich and powerful, the laws adhered to them, not the other way around. Bastards, that's exactly what they were, self-absorbed, conceited, greedy bastards. Naomi silently sneered at the man she was spying on. He was wearing the grey, badge filled coat that marked him as a high ranking Magistrate. Naomi thought she recognized his from somewhere. Suddenly it came back to her, Adulas Blackmane. He was the reason she was here. No one told me it was this bad, she thought. Then again, why should she be surprised? "317.." she mumbled silently.
317 people 'disapeared' attempting to uncover the precious information she now held.
In her briefing, she was told to tail the poor man, she was told that he would lead her to the leader, she was told to capture him, she was told to bring him back alive. She bit her lip and hoped to a closer tree, they were talking now.
"Is it coming?" Blackmane yelled.
"Ye-Yess sir, but we expected our payment to come first!"replied the poor man.
Blackmane narrowed his eyes in outrage, and he spat on the grass infront of the grovelling old man. "Tell them i want it sent now!" he grinned wickedly "Or i might just mobilize the army and, lead an attack on the nefarious drug lord hidden somewhere in the Katus suburbs." He stepped closer to the man until their faces where inches apart, "Do you want that?". Blackmane then pulled out a small package from his pocket and threw it on the ground. Drugs, Naomi suspected. The addict swiftly picked the package up, nodded hastily, and made off with his prize. Naomi hoped unto the ground, and slapped the addict so hard he blacked out. She then proceeded to pick up the package from the grass. With the package in one hand, she unsheathed her katana. She placed the package into her back pocket and gripped her gleaming katana with both hands. Blackmane was not surprised by her move and grinned. Naomi showed no fear, getting into a battle ready stance. She narrowed her eyes, preparing for the ambush she knew was coming. She figured that the hardest part of her mission was coming back alive.
End of Intro
This is a story i wrote sometime ago and forgot about it (more like lost it) cause i'm VERY disorganized. Anyhow, after some reviewing and adding some stuff to this old piece of writing i decided that I should probably post it here and see what people think. So, is it good? Or is it horrible?I really need some critisism right now as I'm planning to enter it at our creative writing comp coming up at my high school. What do u think?
317 people 'disapeared' attempting to uncover the precious information she now held.
In her briefing, she was told to tail the poor man, she was told that he would lead her to the leader, she was told to capture him, she was told to bring him back alive. She bit her lip and hoped to a closer tree, they were talking now.
"Is it coming?" Blackmane yelled.
"Ye-Yess sir, but we expected our payment to come first!"replied the poor man.
Blackmane narrowed his eyes in outrage, and he spat on the grass infront of the grovelling old man. "Tell them i want it sent now!" he grinned wickedly "Or i might just mobilize the army and, lead an attack on the nefarious drug lord hidden somewhere in the Katus suburbs." He stepped closer to the man until their faces where inches apart, "Do you want that?". Blackmane then pulled out a small package from his pocket and threw it on the ground. Drugs, Naomi suspected. The addict swiftly picked the package up, nodded hastily, and made off with his prize. Naomi hoped unto the ground, and slapped the addict so hard he blacked out. She then proceeded to pick up the package from the grass. With the package in one hand, she unsheathed her katana. She placed the package into her back pocket and gripped her gleaming katana with both hands. Blackmane was not surprised by her move and grinned. Naomi showed no fear, getting into a battle ready stance. She narrowed her eyes, preparing for the ambush she knew was coming. She figured that the hardest part of her mission was coming back alive.
End of Intro
This is a story i wrote sometime ago and forgot about it (more like lost it) cause i'm VERY disorganized. Anyhow, after some reviewing and adding some stuff to this old piece of writing i decided that I should probably post it here and see what people think. So, is it good? Or is it horrible?I really need some critisism right now as I'm planning to enter it at our creative writing comp coming up at my high school. What do u think?