Dealing with it...

[Ghotis]

Hi, my name is Richard and I'm a 16 male. Hopefully this forum can help me.

When I was 7 I was raped by a family "friend". That was a long time ago, and I have tried to keep it a secret from everyone - My family is already split and I pretty much live by myself now, I don't want to cut those weak bonds any more than they are already. Whenever I wanted to tell my parents, they would be to busy telling each other how they hated each other.

When I reached puberty, I wanted to be strong so I would never have that happen to me or anyone I loved again. So I started going to the gym and have been for 4 years now. It made me confident and I believe the self-reward stopped me from self-harm and thinking I'm worthless - I am still depressed, and it shows in my general impression. I have never done self-harm but I find it hard to not cry at night.

That's the back story. The probelm is that a new chemistry teacher was added to replace our old one. Being one of those "Funny guys" he started making jokes about me being depressed, as I usually sit at the back and mind my own buissness.
"Cheer up Richard".
I hate it when people say that. I really hate it when people are joking about depression and they have no idea that you are depressed.
"It's not like school's that bad"
"Turn that frown upside down"
The class didn't say anything. They thought I was not depressed because of what I've done in previous years. They teacher, getting no reaction, just went on and on. I keep putting pressure on my pen, as a sort of release from this douche bag. Then "Look mate, it's not my fault you look like a depressed shit. Be happy, cheer up!".

I stormed out of the class and went to the toilets. I smashed a mirror and sat in the stall crying. The teachers came in - "I've never taught such an ungre -" - then he saw me crying on the floor. After 9 years I thought I'd got away from the fear and memories of my rape, and now I just feel helpless again. A big fit, popular senior crying like a baby in a stall spread fast and now the Principle wants to see me tommorow.

My question, for those who have been through stuff like this before, should I tell him the truth? Should I just generalise? Should I tell him about the abuse I got? I can't think of the shit I'll get tommorow, or if I can even hold my temper...

Any advice? Thanks for reading my story, and I know I'm not the only one... :)

[Breakeven]

i think u should tell him
dont hold all that pain by ur self its hard , u need to have someone knows whats going on with u hun

[Sephtyan]

I'd agree that bottling up these emotions is probably not the best idea. You can see what reactions might occur within yourself when people do things that rub you the wrong way. You can't change others, or at least, not in time to stop them from hurting you again. There will come a time when you meet another person that doesn't understand depression and will possibly poke fun at you for it for one reason or another. Tell them the reason for your outburst, including that the teacher's behaviour was what set you off. He shouldn't have acted that way, and should be reprimanded for his actions.
You will need to tell someone of your plight eventually, lest you break under the pressure.

[Ghotis]

Thanks for the responces.

I'm still going to think about it tonight (Where I live) before I decide how to tell people.

[Desuetude]

Wow im really sorry you went through that.
The thing is you have already seen what its like to go without telling anyone, when the teacher was saying all that stuff you just flipped and that was because all the anger inside had just been built up and if needed to be let out.
Thats not going to help, you need to tell someone maybe not the principal but someone you trust about everything. A close friend maybe if you are scared about it breaking up your family more but getting it all out is going to be the best thing to do.
You could write a letter, tell them face to face, one the phone. Whatever you feel would be easiest.
Just try and keep as calm as you can. Dont let anyone get to you, they cant hurt you. You dont need to feel like that but enless you talk to someone, anyone about whats been happeneing i dont think anything much will change.

[TeddyBearRock]

Definitly tell him, As you may be the only one s/he has done this to and s/he could still be doing it. If you tell you could stop him/her from hurting more people

Tell me how it goes.

[monkeydo]

You don't deserve to feel like this, and you need support! The only way you can get support from the people around you is if they know what you've been through. Whether you want to name the person or not is obviously your own decision, but I think you should at least tell them what you've been through and let them know how you're feeling. Chances are, whether you see it or not, that they only want to help, and to do that they need to know and understand.

Like I've said on other threads, I haven't been through this myself but I've seen how much hurt, pain and anger its caused to friends who have. I always wish there was something I could say or do to fix it and make it all better. If only it was that simple. At least you know you're not alone.