Am I a Loser in Dating?

[htfgeek]

my problem is every time i ask a girl out they say no because they all think i am a good friend and dont want to date me and iv been rejected about 12 times and only excepted once and that lasted 2 months and she dumped me and i think she still has feelings for me but i dont for her because she broke my heart. please give me some advice

[mynameisjane]

how about we look at some reasons why someone would find it hard to get a girlfriend:
-bad hygiene
*not showering everyday
*teeth not brushed as directed by a dentist
*sweaty armpits
*oily hair
*lots of acne
-blatant lack of concern for looks
*no effort put into your choice of clothes or haircut
-antisocial behavior
*reading a book, playing nintendo ds, talking to yourself, or any activity that keeps people from talking to you at a time for socializing, such as lunch or social gathering.
*being shy

[CryingEye666]

ok, first off, htfgeek, no you are not a loser in dating, you're just having some, minor problems i guess

AND....

how about we look at some reasons why someone would find it hard to get a girlfriend:
-bad hygiene
*not showering everyday
*teeth not brushed as directed by a dentist
*sweaty armpits
*oily hair
*lots of acne
-blatant lack of concern for looks
*no effort put into your choice of clothes or haircut
-antisocial behavior
*reading a book, playing nintendo ds, talking to yourself, or any activity that keeps people from talking to you at a time for socializing, such as lunch or social gathering.
*being shy

most of those are going by the looks of a guy... girls should be lookin for guys with a good personality, even though the guy should look clean by showering.
but still, personality first, looks are second

[mynameisjane]

my list wasn't centered on looks. that was one line. and no one should neglect their hygiene because its not healthy.
and its human nature to judge people by looks. you can tell me that personality comes first and you can tell everybody that personality comes first and you can tell yourself that too but its not so. and i cant stand it when a guy tells me that because most guys are more shallow than most girls. all a guy needs to have people be attracted to him is pretty much what i said. but if a girl wants guys to notice her, she needs to have a pretty face and big breasts. and theres so much more preassure to stay in shape. but its human nature.
your criticism makes me mad.

[Sage]

-antisocial behavior
*reading a book,

How is reading anti-social? So what if you do it by yourself, the same thing could be said about a lot of things.

[Sapphire]

my list wasn't centered on looks. that was one line. and no one should neglect their hygiene because its not healthy.
and its human nature to judge people by looks. you can tell me that personality comes first and you can tell everybody that personality comes first and you can tell yourself that too but its not so. and i cant stand it when a guy tells me that because most guys are more shallow than most girls. all a guy needs to have people be attracted to him is pretty much what i said. but if a girl wants guys to notice her, she needs to have a pretty face and big breasts. and theres so much more preassure to stay in shape. but its human nature.
your criticism makes me mad.

You are generalising WAY too much and coming across as quite shallow.
I agree that personal hygiene is important to an extent, but not as much as you have been stressing.
I, for one, can say that personality is the biggest thing I pay attention to when getting a boyfriend or girlfriend. If I get on really well with them then that is what counts. Not their hair or their eyes or their arse or their legs and so on. Their personality is what makes them who they are, not their appearence.

Reading is actually a good thing, not a bad thing. The more you read, the more you have to talk about. Newspapers are particularly good resources for conversation topics. Discussions as to favourite genres and authors are good too in the way that you build a rapport with someone and get to know things about them.

Anyway, back to the original poster. Htfgeek, when you develop feelings for a girl, what do you do? As in how do you behave towards them?
Being attentive and talkative are great ways of getting noticed by girls.

[mynameisjane]

How is reading anti-social? So what if you do it by yourself, the same thing could be said about a lot of things.

thats why i said AT A TIME OF SOCIALIZING, such as lunch or a social gathering. like dont bring a book to a party.

well i couldnt say anything about his personality because i dont really know him. personality is just as important, but i think looks are what catch people's attention and can make the difference between friend or boyfriend. i stress bad hygiene because i know too many guys with bad hygiene and it happened to be most on my mind at that momont. and i think thats the worse thing not relating to personality because, like i said, i dont know his personality and the only advice i could give him on that is to be outgoing. and i got mad that crying eye tells me girls should look at personality and not looks because I KNOW THAT! but its just not so. and the guys i hang around with are so shallow it hurts. but its human nature.

and i'm all for reading! if you can socialize and read at the same time, like with the newspaper example, then go for it! but if someone's reading, or doing any other activity that they do by themselves, it would be rude to talk to them and make them lose concentration. so i'm just suggesting that you be social.
also, flirting is good. dont use cheesy pickup lines. be polite. but above all, be yourself.



[MERGED - PLEASE DO NOT MAKE 3 POSTS IN A ROW, USE THE http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/images/buttons/edit.gif (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/editpost.php?do=editpost&p=144301) BUTTON] ~ rok.my.sox

[Sapphire]

i got mad that crying eye tells me girls should look at personality and not looks because I KNOW THAT!

If you know it then why don't you practise it in your everyday life? Why don't you make that extra bit of effort into getting to know their personality?

Please stop going on about how all girls notice a guys looks first and foremost. You are giving the rest of our gender a bad name and bad rep by doing so because these poor guys will go away thinking "God, girls are so shallow"

[mynameisjane]

how would you know how my daily life is? i do get to know someone before i decide whether or not i want to date them. but if a guy looks the type of guy i imagine dating, i notice him. i do get to know when i start talking to him. i talk to guys i dont think are very attractive either. but between an attractive guy with a nice personality and a not very attractive guy with a nice personality, guess which one im more likely to see more as a friend?


Please stop going on about how all girls notice a guys looks first and foremost. You are giving the rest of our gender a bad name and bad rep by doing so because these poor guys will go away thinking "God, girls are so shallow"

are you telling me that you dont look at people you haven't gotten to know?

people care about appearace. you can't tell me that the general population doesnt.

[Sapphire]

but between an attractive guy with a nice personality and a not very attractive guy with a nice personality, guess which one im more likely to see more as a friend?It should be that the one you get on better with as a friend is the one you are friends with. While the one you get on better with regarding potential in the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship department is the one you go out with. Not that you get on well with both and go for the better looking one purely because they are better looking.

are you telling me that you dont look at people you haven't gotten to know?Yes I am telling you that. I find that attraction comes, and is strongest, after I have got to know someone well.

people care about appearace. you can't tell me that the general population doesnt.I am not denying that people dont care about appearence. Just you are saying that girls should choose boyfriends/husbands according to appearence which is wrong and shallow. I am sorry, but you are coming across as extremely shallow.

how would you know how my daily life is?Well, when you are saying that people should go by personality but that that isn't how the world works and saying that you would choose a better looking guy over a not so good looking guy it hardly sounds as if it is something you put in to practise.

[mynameisjane]

It should be that the one you get on better with as a friend is the one you are friends with. While the one you get on better with regarding potential in the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship department is the one you go out with. Not that you get on well with both and go for the better looking one purely because they are better looking.

Yes I am telling you that. I find that attraction comes, and is strongest, after I have got to know someone well.

I am not denying that people dont care about appearence. Just you are saying that girls should choose boyfriends/husbands according to appearence which is wrong and shallow. I am sorry, but you are coming across as extremely shallow.

Well, when you are saying that people should go by personality but that that isn't how the world works and saying that you would choose a better looking guy over a not so good looking guy it hardly sounds as if it is something you put in to practise.

you say dont look at people you dont know. thats very strange. i like to pay attention to what goes on around me. i like to look around at the different people in a classroom. i make eye contact with people.

i NEVER said girls should chose a guy based on their looks. i'm saying that guys who care about how they look get more girlfriends than guys who dont care.

its human nature. people can't help who they like. i sometimes will start thinking a guy is attractive if his personality makes him look attractive. but if someone doesnt properly maintain their body, it looks like they dont care about themselves.

[htfgeek]

stop arguing in my question i have good hygene and i look good i might be a little chubby but not that you can tell so what should i do and to let you know the only time i read are in class and at home when i am alone and i am not shallow

[mynameisjane]

well then my advice is that you should be outgoing and flirty. make eye contact and be friendly and smile a little when a girl you like is talking to you. give a girl a random compliment once in a while.

[Sapphire]

As long as you are talkative, attentive, friendly and caring you should be fine

[101011]

"mynameisjane" you kinda hit me in 2 of your things

1. my FUCKING DIPSHIT mother wont let me buy any of the clothes i want because they are to "expensive"

2. theres a game that im really addicted to recently and i cant QUIT it and its pissing me off ive tried and tried but i still have a temptation to play it

now the clothes thing is going to piss me off. "thanks a lot" lol now im going to be having that on my mind all the time

[101011]

i think my comp fucked and went to wrong thread

[mynameisjane]

personally, i like guys who express at least a little some sort of style. it just makes them more interesting. thats not to say they have to look rich, just a little creative. and if you really cared, youd get a job and buy what you wanted.

as far as the game, personally, i would not date a guy if i thought he would pay more attention to his game than me. as long as you dont let the ladies know that youre addicted to the game you should be fine. and when you get a girlfriend, always put her before the game. that means if she's calling, pause the game. if she wants to hang out than you have to stop playing and give all your attention to her. if you dont, she'll dump you and tell all her friends what a nerd you are.

btw, its WoW, isnt it? i've seen that game ruin some good relationships.

[Sapphire]

Basically, it is ok to play these games and everything but don't let it interfere with any relationships.
It's not all about expensive or trendy clothes. I haven't had a new item of clothing since at least September 06. But I have clothes that fit and they are my own style. Thats all that matters really. Dress the way you want to dress because then you'll be comfortable with your appearence and this will make you more comfortable in social situations.

[mynameisjane]

Basically, it is ok to play these games and everything but don't let it interfere with any relationships.
It's not all about expensive or trendy clothes. I haven't had a new item of clothing since at least September 06. But I have clothes that fit and they are my own style. Thats all that matters really. Dress the way you want to dress because then you'll be comfortable with your appearence and this will make you more comfortable in social situations.


QTF