Far Away Mother, Coming Out and Cancer

[CrossingtheCourtyard]

I've been planning to come out to my family and friends and tell them that I am bisexual for a while now.

My original plan was to wait till around September and in the time from now to then I would try and lose weight (Which has always been a area of discomfort and embarrassment for me, I don't want to come out and be seen as 'Some ugly, gross bi kid.'), get a new wardrobe (I dress very drab, plain, and in anything that will make me less visible), and try and work on building my confidence.

I planned on telling my father, than one pair of grandparents, then my mother. The problem is my mother lives very far away and I don't know if I want to tell her over the phone.

Now however, I have learned that my mother is coming here next month to visit me and my other grandmother who has breast cancer and will be going through some treatments.

My mother will be understanding, I'm sure of it, I already have a good feeling that she think's I'm gay--which I'm not, I'm bisexual. I'm sure she'll be accepting I just... don't know what to do.

This is an opportunity for me to come out and I am wondering if I should take it up. I don't really know if it's a good idea or not. It feels selfish and very pressured.

[Sosaku]

not saying its a good thing, but I came out to my mother, 3 days after her father's funeral...

[Dimitri]

I think that this is a good opportunity, why do you think you should tell your father first though?

I think that if you can get someone on your side that you know for sure will be accepting then it might be easier for you to tell the rest.

In my personal opinion I would tell your mother first then your father BUT....

How is you grandmother doing, is your mother coming over because she is not well? is this your mothers mom that has the cancer, if your grandmother is going through a bout of tough cancer and your mother is coming into all of this situation with an uneasy heart then I might suggest waiting until she has already seen her mother and if your grandmother is well then you can tell her but for your mothers sake I would suggest you wait until after she meets with your grandmother.

Coming out is not easy, you can never please anyone and there always seems like a time to do it.

Personally i came out to my mother on the same night that my sister got into a shit load of trouble to make it seem like I would get into less trouble by doing so, I am normally the one in trouble anyways so that was also a plus.

That night my mother and I sat down and chatted for a while and she promised not to tell my father for a little while. But my mother, the next day became a huge emotional reck because it was eating her up inside, so we ended up telling dad the next day but it felt great having my mother there beside me the whole time, supporting me.

Let me know if you need anything else man, ia m always here for anyone who asks for help.

[CrossingtheCourtyard]

I think that this is a good opportunity, why do you think you should tell your father first though?

I think that if you can get someone on your side that you know for sure will be accepting then it might be easier for you to tell the rest.

In my personal opinion I would tell your mother first then your father BUT....

How is you grandmother doing, is your mother coming over because she is not well? is this your mothers mom that has the cancer, if your grandmother is going through a bout of tough cancer and your mother is coming into all of this situation with an uneasy heart then I might suggest waiting until she has already seen her mother and if your grandmother is well then you can tell her but for your mothers sake I would suggest you wait until after she meets with your grandmother.

Coming out is not easy, you can never please anyone and there always seems like a time to do it.

Personally i came out to my mother on the same night that my sister got into a shit load of trouble to make it seem like I would get into less trouble by doing so, I am normally the one in trouble anyways so that was also a plus.

That night my mother and I sat down and chatted for a while and she promised not to tell my father for a little while. But my mother, the next day became a huge emotional reck because it was eating her up inside, so we ended up telling dad the next day but it felt great having my mother there beside me the whole time, supporting me.

Let me know if you need anything else man, ia m always here for anyone who asks for help.

I intend to tell my father first because I really value his opinion and he's sort of a role model to me.

My mother would, while accepting, be nosy.

My grandmother is sickly, she's lost her hair now and my mother is coming to see her to help take care of her.

Well actually, we aren't sure if she is still going to come. My younger sister, whom lives with my mother, took a bad seizure a day ago.

I am starting to think that I want to start coming out soon and I may tell my father when I see him over the weekend.