Going back to the old days

[Lethe]

I suppose I'm going back to the old days, the days when I'd eat 600-800 calories a day and when I actually understood how people viewed me and I tried hard to make myself presentable. After going shopping yesterday, I feel like I'm going to go back to those days.

Underwear shopping was abysmal. But bra shopping was even worse. I'm so wide-shouldered and overweight that the seven bras I tried on didn't look right at all. I have small, droopy breasts and no cleavage, and being fat hasn't made them bigger or rounder at all. Now that I realize just how disgusting I look, I'm planning on eating next to nothing, for as long as it takes. Why would I want to look the way I am? I almost threw up, I was so disgusted with what I saw.

I don't want to be anorexic, but damn...I'm absolutely gross. If I have to eat 500 calories a day and exercise until I'm nearly dead with exhaustion to lose weight, then fine. I will.

Sigh. I don't want to be this way. But I have to. I didn't realize how unpresentable and embarrassing I was.

[Vonn]

Well hey there.

I suppose I'm going back to the old days, the days when I'd eat 600-800 calories a day and when I actually understood how people viewed me and I tried hard to make myself presentable. After going shopping yesterday, I feel like I'm going to go back to those days.

Molding yourself to what others expect you to look like is a waste of time, and time can't ever be taken back. They apparently don't like you, so why should you try to please them?

Underwear shopping was abysmal.

Tell me about it. Those models they have plastered to the walls of the store and the sides of the packages only make it worse (even though they're hot).

But bra shopping was even worse.

You should be shooting for comfort first, style second, and others' opinions of how you look last last last.

I'm so wide-shouldered and overweight that the seven bras I tried on didn't look right at all.

I'm going to ignore the self-criticism here because it's entirely undeserved. I sure hope you're shopping according to the number one (1) priority I mentioned above.

And only seven? Really? I know stores have more than that.

I have small, droopy breasts and no cleavage,

Some girls have big, full breasts. Some girls have no breasts. Some girls have average breasts. Etc. Work with what you've got.

and being fat hasn't made them bigger or rounder at all.

Undeserved self-criticism: ignored.

Now that I realize just how disgusting I look,

If you look disgusting, then Amanda Bynes looks homely.

I'm planning on eating next to nothing, for as long as it takes.

That never works out the way one wants it to. I know it. You know it. So why are you even considering it?

Why would I want to look the way I am? I almost threw up, I was so disgusted with what I saw.

Your inner beauty is what's making me want to throw up. Quit being so shallow with yourself.

I don't want to be anorexic, but damn...I'm absolutely gross.

>planning on eating next to nothing
>don't want to be anorexic

You're creating unnecessary stress for yourself. Let someone else waste their effort with that shit.

If I have to eat 500 calories a day and exercise until I'm nearly dead with exhaustion to lose weight, then fine. I will.

But Dee, I thought you didn't want to be anorexic. You know it's not going to work, nor is it at all necessary.

Sigh. I don't want to be this way.

I wish you weren't this way, either. I just can't see you the way you see yourself.

But I have to.

No you don't. You've just convinced yourself that you do.

I didn't realize how unpresentable and embarrassing I was.

Sigh.

[Lethe]

I guess you're right. I did find underwear that fit and were really comfortable, and they were pretty stylish I suppose. I have a lot of trouble finding bras, but if I find one or two I suppose that's an accomplishment. I'll never look like the models in the pictures but I guess if I wear something comfortable and fitting I'll look alright.

I know I'm too weak to starve myself, but I guess that's a good thing. I've been eating more vegetables, fruits and healthy meat and I've been hiking 4-6 times a week, so I'm exercising too. I'll wait for awhile before I make the decision to greatly restrict my eating. I know exercise and dieting takes a long time to take effect, so I'll just try my best to be patient.

I know I'm not pretty, and my body is definitely not good-looking or desirable, but I'm still going to do my best to take care of myself, even if I'm never going to be up to standards.

[Vonn]

I guess you're right. I did find underwear that fit and were really comfortable, and they were pretty stylish I suppose. I have a lot of trouble finding bras, but if I find one or two I suppose that's an accomplishment.

Excellent.

I'll never look like the models in the pictures

Pffft. Off camera, the models don't look like the models. Don't sweat it.

but I guess if I wear something comfortable and fitting I'll look alright.

:yes:

I know I'm too weak to starve myself,

Or too strong to make yourself suffer.

but I guess that's a good thing.

:yes::yes:

I've been eating more vegetables, fruits and healthy meat and I've been hiking 4-6 times a week, so I'm exercising too.

:yes::yes::yes:

I'll wait for awhile before I make the decision to greatly restrict my eating. I know exercise and dieting takes a long time to take effect, so I'll just try my best to be patient.

That's a glorious start.

I know I'm not pretty,

Ah, ah, ah; forwards, not backwards.

and my body is definitely not good-looking or desirable,

I really do want to argue, but you're already improving so I'll just leave it.

but I'm still going to do my best to take care of myself,

Oh thank you Jesus.

even if I'm never going to be up to standards.

It's your standards that are important here, because at the moment (and for a while now) they are dangerously low. Give yourself some more credit; it won't hurt.

[Lethe]

I don't think you'd find me attractive in real life. You may not believe it right now, but if you were to see me, you'd understand. Either way, I suppose I'll keep eating and exercising and see if I can lose any weight. I'd rather be healthy than be unhealthy, even if I'm not attractive.

[Vonn]

I don't think you'd find me attractive in real life.

Seeing as you're a girl, you're probably right. Platonically, I think you look great.

You may not believe it right now, but if you were to see me, you'd understand.

I really don't think my eyes are that bad.

Either way, I suppose I'll keep eating and exercising and see if I can lose any weight. I'd rather be healthy than be unhealthy, even if I'm not attractive.

I really don't see why you feel the need to lose weight, other than attempting to appeal to the masses. Who are all ungodly beautiful, if they're giving you so much shit.

And you look fine. Seriously.

[Lethe]

Most people are around 50-100% more attractive than me. It's easy to compare me to other people just by looking at me and looking at 80% of the people you'd see on the streets, especially people my age. There's a reason I'm single and I'm not treated well.

[Vonn]

Most people are around 50-100% more attractive than me.

You pulled those numbers out of your ass.

It's easy to compare me to other people

I'm not comparing you to anybody when I say that you look fine. Besides, comparisons can make literally anything seem more or less than what it actually is. It doesn't mean anything.

just by looking at me and looking at 80% of the people you'd see on the streets, especially people my age.

Again with the random number.

There's a reason I'm single and I'm not treated well.

A lot of teenagers are single. And everybody you know, unless you'd like to state otherwise, is a douche, so you probably don't want to date any of them.

[Lethe]

No, I didn't pull them "out of my ass". I made the estimation for a reason. Whether or not you choose to believe it is your choice.

Just because people are jerks doesn't mean they aren't worth dating. Most people treat me the way they do; does that mean everyone is a jerk and isn't worth my time? I sincerely doubt that.

[Vonn]

No, I didn't pull them "out of my ass". I made the estimation for a reason. Whether or not you choose to believe it is your choice.

You can't be the most attractive girl in the world. That doesn't make you undesirable.

Just because people are jerks doesn't mean they aren't worth dating.

Oh, I don't know about that. If you actually get to know them and they start being nice to you, sure.

Most people treat me the way they do; does that mean everyone is a jerk and isn't worth my time? I sincerely doubt that.

So most people you meet tell you you're ugly and disgusting and fat, etc.? Or is that just you talking to yourself? Because if someone wanted to take the time out of their lives to call me ugly out of nowhere, they're not getting the time of day from me.

[Lethe]

Most people don't say it as openly or as bluntly as "you're ugly". It's more in the form of "that shirt doesn't fit you right" or "your makeup doesn't look right" or "are you sure you should be wearing that?", or even "I don't see how you find clothes that fit you, you never look right". I could list dozens upon dozens of examples, but I'd prefer not to. I've only been called ugly to my face (bluntly) five or six times, two of them being in 2012.

I'm all for making new friends, so if a person who thinks I'm ugly gets to know me and likes me, then good for both me and them. But seeing as how they act around me, that's next to impossible. I'd love to be like Quasimodo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame and become accepted by the general public after they get to know me, but if no one is willing to try, then what's the point? Maybe I'm just being pessimistic :(.

I know that I'm not the most attractive, nor the most "ugly". I'm still holding onto the hope that someone out there will want to date me and love me for who I am inside and out. I just have trouble believing that.

[Zeh Crazy]

This sounds so much like me. For 2 years, I ate only 300-500 calories everyday, exercising in the morning in gym, then exercising again when I got home from school. I can't count the times I almost passed out running. I know how it feels to hate your body and the way you look. I still have self-esteem and weight issues. I gained all of my weight back and then some. Lost it. Gained it. Repeat. It's an endless cycle for me. All I can tell you to do, is make sure you take care of your blood sugar and iron. If possible, try to replace some meals with protein shakes. Equate is an off-brand that makes protein shakes with flavors like strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate. If you want to lose weight, but don't want to completely mess up your body, try those. No, they're not enough to live on, but they do have a lot of the necessary vitamins and minerals. Don't be so hard on yourself. There is something truly beautiful about each and every one of us. In truth, everyone else can see it, but you never can. It's just one of those things...Good luck and please be careful.

[Caver]

Less calories is no good.
If you eat less calories and you are fine with your weight, then when you go back to eating what you use to eat you'd put on weight.
Eat same as you do at the moment with more water and exersize alot.