Scared

[Triceratops]

For the future.

Idk I'm not asking for help or advice, I'm just venting for the sake of it. It just seems as if everyone around me is getting into relationships so effortlessly and whenever I like someone they never ever like me back. It just makes me feel unwanted and kind of unlovable, if that makes sense. I see myself as unlovable and I find it difficult to see why anyone would even consider me.

I know everyone says "you've got years ahead of you" which is true, but when you've been let down as endless times as I have, you begin to wonder if there really is something wrong with you...something you don't have that everyone else seems to have. But thing is...I don't know what is so wrong about me.

It makes me feel that whenever I start talking to someone, they instantly go off me. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong and what other girls are doing right. I feel like I'm boring, annoying or extremely unattractive/unappealing and guys want to get away from as quick as possible. I feel that every single time I make the effort with a guy and tell them I like them they ALWAYS turn me down. Not ONCE has one guy ever liked me back. I'm scared that this is going to happen all over again each and every time I start talking to guys - back to square one, once again. Repeating cycles.

I'm scared that I'll never get the chance to have someone that appreciates me, because it seems apparent to me that there isn't anything that guys appreciate of me. Even when I put in all my best efforts to impress someone. I'm scared that I'll be in this same position this time in like 5 years time or so when everyone else is starting to get engaged and stuff. Hmmm. foreveralone.jpg

[Mortal Coil]

As twisted as this may seem, thank you for this post.
I have the exact same problem, and it kills me everyday. I'm terrified that I'll never be in a proper, loving, caring relationship, and that I'm defective in some way that I'm too blind to see, but is glaringly obvious to everyone around me. The worst is when my classmates come to me for relationship advice because guys are fighting over them or something and it just worsens that feeling, actually makes me feel sick to my stomach. People are just trying to torture me.
Sorry, just venting :whoops:

[Triceratops]

As twisted as this may seem, thank you for this post.
I have the exact same problem, and it kills me everyday. I'm terrified that I'll never be in a proper, loving, caring relationship, and that I'm defective in some way that I'm too blind to see, but is glaringly obvious to everyone around me. The worst is when my classmates come to me for relationship advice because guys are fighting over them or something and it just worsens that feeling, actually makes me feel sick to my stomach. People are just trying to torture me.
Sorry, just venting :whoops:

I'm so glad someone knows exactly what it feels like. Whenever I vent about this kind of thing, people get annoyed and tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Well, it's not that easy tbh. If you feel as insecure and have as much as a low self esteem as I do, guys constantly rejecting you is going to affect you very badly. *le sigh*

[Triceratops]

Bump. Wanna see if this gets more replies and if there are others in the same boat as me!

[Scarface]

Hey I know exactly how you feel. This maybe a long post because this post really rang true to my heart because I know why you feel this way.

When I was 13 almost 14 even though that can be quite hard to construe as a real honest relationship, I had a very close friendship with turned into a lot more and had lasted for almost 4 years until I found him with cheating on me with my best friend.

The day when I saw that happen I was so heartbroken, I felt betrayed, hurt, and most of all angry. That is the day I should have died from a roxycodone overdose.

The feelings that came after the breakup and for years to come I had felt that I really wasnt worth dating, that I was boring, that I wasnt lovable, that I wasnt even worth a chance. I was an invisible piece of matter on a planet that were dating and having fun, but I wasnt good enough for that.

I used to cry at night and think real hard about a dream guy that would after we both came home from work would ask how each others day went, to bond and travel and hang out, have long talks and someone that would love me and honestly interested in me as the person that I am.

I know how frustrating those words are to hear that maybe one day you will find someone, or you have got so much time to date and find someone.

Well, after quite some time, I started feeling OK about knowing that I was going to die alone, and the lonliness was just part of my daily routine..

Though honestly Marcie, Im here to tell you that you can find someone.. And I did... After 3 more years after my ex, I found someone, and I moved to Canada just to be with them.

In life there are a lot of risks that you have to take, relationships are so confusing and saddening and worrysome especially if you are single and just wanting for that guy to come along.. Marcie you are a very beautiful young woman and you know what you want, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. To be honest a lot of guys just arent ready for any kind of deep commitment or devotion. You deserve your dream guy Marcie and Ill be happy to one day hear you found him. I understand your pain and I hope you know youre never alone. Hang in there.

[Triceratops]

Hey I know exactly how you feel. This maybe a long post because this post really rang true to my heart because I know why you feel this way.

When I was 13 almost 14 even though that can be quite hard to construe as a real honest relationship, I had a very close friendship with turned into a lot more and had lasted for almost 4 years until I found him with cheating on me with my best friend.

The day when I saw that happen I was so heartbroken, I felt betrayed, hurt, and most of all angry. That is the day I should have died from a roxycodone overdose.

The feelings that came after the breakup and for years to come I had felt that I really wasnt worth dating, that I was boring, that I wasnt lovable, that I wasnt even worth a chance. I was an invisible piece of matter on a planet that were dating and having fun, but I wasnt good enough for that.

I used to cry at night and think real hard about a dream guy that would after we both came home from work would ask how each others day went, to bond and travel and hang out, have long talks and someone that would love me and honestly interested in me as the person that I am.

I know how frustrating those words are to hear that maybe one day you will find someone, or you have got so much time to date and find someone.

Well, after quite some time, I started feeling OK about knowing that I was going to die alone, and the lonliness was just part of my daily routine..

Though honestly Marcie, Im here to tell you that you can find someone.. And I did... After 3 more years after my ex, I found someone, and I moved to Canada just to be with them.

In life there are a lot of risks that you have to take, relationships are so confusing and saddening and worrysome especially if you are single and just wanting for that guy to come along.. Marcie you are a very beautiful young woman and you know what you want, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. To be honest a lot of guys just arent ready for any kind of deep commitment or devotion. You deserve your dream guy Marcie and Ill be happy to one day hear you found him. I understand your pain and I hope you know youre never alone. Hang in there.

Man, that must have really hurt when he cheated on you. I can imagine myself being extremely angry if that had happened to me - he's such a prick for doing that and you're well rid of him. :)

I do think of what it would be like to be with someone really nice everyday, but when I imagine this it all seems too good to be true and that it's all just going to be a dream in my mind. It's like I'm building my hopes up for nothing.

I feel so alone and far too fat and ugly for someone to ever like me, and I'm always in tears about it. I'm aware of how pathetic that sounds but I guess you can't really help how you feel.

Oh and thank you for your reply, it really helped. :)

[Scarface]

Man, that must have really hurt when he cheated on you. I can imagine myself being extremely angry if that had happened to me - he's such a prick for doing that and you're well rid of him. :)

I do think of what it would be like to be with someone really nice everyday, but when I imagine this it all seems too good to be true and that it's all just going to be a dream in my mind. It's like I'm building my hopes up for nothing.

I feel so alone and far too fat and ugly for someone to ever like me, and I'm always in tears about it. I'm aware of how pathetic that sounds but I guess you can't really help how you feel.

Oh and thank you for your reply, it really helped. :)

Its such an overwhelming time with so many emotions flowing through you, you dont know what you are going to do. I wouldnt make my worst of enemies go through that. Its a feeling that I hope to never feel again because I vowed to myself after Novermber 12, 2008 that I would listen to my mind when I know something isnt right. This relationship that Im in right now is either all or nothing. It either happens and lasts for hopefully as long as Im alive, or Ill die alone.

So I guess I still have that thought in the very back of my mind even still in a relationship of dying alone. After so much time of having someone and then suddenly your life takes a 180 turn for the worst like you were tapped on the shoulder and punched in the face.

I dont have that big of a self esteem, i still feel a bit weak inside, but nonetheless I push on.

Marcie, you will know in your heart, your chest, your stomach and legs when you find that guy. You know and feel it. Your head will even need time to catch up.

I felt the same way you did, like I was preparing myself for yet another letdown to prove to myself that I wasnt worth shit. I wanted it to happen in the back of my mind, but something deep inside of me pushed me to go with what my heart tells me.

When you build up a certain amount of trust with someone that goes beyond looking out for each other and an endless bond, and you feel yourself know that its worth a try, go for it. Never let your mind beat you, the doubt of tomorrows uncertainty cloud the anxiousness and anticipation that could be imminent.

You have all you are ever going to need to impress any guy you want Marcie. And all you need is yourself. Hopefully one day when he does come, you will come back on here to brag all about it ;) :)

[Jean Poutine]

I've lived the better part of my life with that fear, never finding anyone. As I aged, without any relationship, it was obvious that something was wrong with me. Too ugly, too stupid, too previsible, too uninteresting, not assertive enough, the list goes on...

Or was it?

I got my first sweetheart at 21. I'm still with her. We're running on 4 months going strong. I mean sure, 4 months isn't much...but I have the feeling my first one, so late, will be the good one.

What I mean is that there's nothing wrong with you. It might seem that way, I thought so too. Exceptional people need exceptional better halves. I'd rather wait and strike bullseye than jump from relationship to relationship continually.

[LuckyLuke]

Honestly speaking, if that's you in your profile pic I think you're hot as hell.

I have the same problem you do; people tell me, "You're a great catch! You're going to get someone! You're attractive" but it just seems like empty words at this point. It's been so long since I've dated someone.

The problem, I've realized, is that everyone I know has known me for the longest time and has a preconceived perception of who I am. They don't see me as a guy they'd date, they see me as a guy I've been the past 10 years or so (I'm 18 now).

I've noticed that when I go to places with new people I've never met before, with girls I don't yet know, they tend to flirt more than the girls from my school ever have.

So, my message to you is the one I've been blowing on my own horn for the past few months. Wait for college. At college everyone has a totally new image of you, you can be anyone you want.

Good luck and best wishes :)

[Aves]

I can relate to this so well, it's almost as if I wrote it.

Marcie, you're not alone on this one. Trust me. I've been there almost all of my high school career. I've had two girlfriends, but they both dumped me pretty early on. I'm beginning to get scared that I'll never find someone for me. It really sucks when the person that tells you "You'll find someone someday" is also the person that you like.

I'm getting to the point where it's beginning to depress me again, and I'm trying to avoid that feeling. I'm sure the future will be bright for you though, don't worry. :)

[ImCoolBeans]

I've had a few serious relationships. All of them ended terribly and I was pretty broken up about it.

The longest relationship I ever had lasted about 7, maybe 8 months. It consisted of lies, fighting and hard feelings. There really wasn't much love there - the whole thing had a grey cloud looming over it the whole time. When it ended, surprisingly I was really depressed and felt very alone for a while. I don't know why I felt this way since there wasn't really one good aspect of the relationship.

I've kind of stayed away from long term things since that, as much as I'd really love a good relationship I guess I'm kind of afraid that it will turn out like that and I'll be back at square one.

Sometimes I wonder if its my fault, but I don't really know what to think of it. I try to not let it affect me as much as I can, and I think I've done a pretty good job with that. But I don't know - I have mixed emotions about it.

You're certainly not alone, Marcie. We haven't talked before but I can't really see you being a major turn off. You're a pretty girl, so don't worry about that. Things have their way of working themselves out - and I too am currently waiting it out. You've just gotta find him, because you and I both know that he's out there for you. Give it time, don't give up.

[Amaryllis]

For the future.

Idk I'm not asking for help or advice, I'm just venting for the sake of it. It just seems as if everyone around me is getting into relationships so effortlessly and whenever I like someone they never ever like me back. It just makes me feel unwanted and kind of unlovable, if that makes sense. I see myself as unlovable and I find it difficult to see why anyone would even consider me.

I know everyone says "you've got years ahead of you" which is true, but when you've been let down as endless times as I have, you begin to wonder if there really is something wrong with you...something you don't have that everyone else seems to have. But thing is...I don't know what is so wrong about me.

It makes me feel that whenever I start talking to someone, they instantly go off me. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong and what other girls are doing right. I feel like I'm boring, annoying or extremely unattractive/unappealing and guys want to get away from as quick as possible. I feel that every single time I make the effort with a guy and tell them I like them they ALWAYS turn me down. Not ONCE has one guy ever liked me back. I'm scared that this is going to happen all over again each and every time I start talking to guys - back to square one, once again. Repeating cycles.

I'm scared that I'll never get the chance to have someone that appreciates me, because it seems apparent to me that there isn't anything that guys appreciate of me. Even when I put in all my best efforts to impress someone. I'm scared that I'll be in this same position this time in like 5 years time or so when everyone else is starting to get engaged and stuff. Hmmm. foreveralone.jpg

Sounds like you're going through a really hard time, Marcie. :/ Relationship problems are a sucker and it really hurts when people you're attracted to don't seem to feel the same way. It sucks when all my friends seem to have at least one guy crawling for them but I'm coming to terms with it.

Firstly, I want you to know you are -absolutely and utterly attractive-. Tons of people think you're the hottest thing alive, I can tell you that. I can't say I know you that well but from what I've seen, you're really nice, sweet, clever, fun and just all 'round awesome.

Do you struggle to find things to talk about with people? Are you a funny person? How's your body language? A simple rule is show as much attraction for a guy as they do you. If you're too excited, you'll scare them away but if you're too mellowed, they'll think you're not into them.

Keep your body language open, no crossed arms, palms down or things like that. Smile often and know when to listen like a rock. Sometimes our typical "Mhmm uhuh yeah i know what you mean" thing gets a little annoying. I know a lot of people, guys particularly, who just prefer it when I look at them and make -very- few noises to show I'm listening.

Lastly, if nothing works and no guy seems to be into you... Well, that's a bummer. Don't give up though because although it may feel scary and lonely now but it could pick up.

Sadness and disappointment are a part of life and relationships. Moving on is hard but time does make things better, if you allow yourself to move on.

Self-esteem, self-concept and self-confidence. With those 3, it doesn't matter if someone rejects you or if you lose a friend or whatever it may be - because you'll know you have yourself.

P.S. They might have a thing for you - they're just really crap at showing it.

[Triceratops]

I've read all your replies and would just like to say thank you so much. It's nice to know that there's a fair amount of others who know exactly what you mean.

Keep your body language open, no crossed arms, palms down or things like that. Smile often and know when to listen like a rock. Sometimes our typical "Mhmm uhuh yeah i know what you mean" thing gets a little annoying. I know a lot of people, guys particularly, who just prefer it when I look at them and make -very- few noises to show I'm listening.


You raise a good point. I never really thought about body language. I'm aware that I'm extremely paranoid, anxious and self-conscious in public and I guess that can rub off on people at times. Other times I've even been told that I can come across as intimidating because I have days where my confidence appears to be pretty high (although it's certainly not).