Serious Problems

[TheHumanSpirit]

So I have a few major issues:

1. I'm gay but it's not the right time for me to tell my family. My mom -- who believes every word in the bible should be followed literally -- might actually get over it because she's already had the conversation with me where she said she'd love me no matter what, and if I was then she'd learn to accept it (but not like it). I don't know that her boyfriend will be on the same page, but he most likely will because usually whatever attitude she has, he adopts. My dad, on the other hand, who I'm going to be living with for at least the next four years for college, seems completely homophobic (or at least around his brothers when they bash people for being "fags").

2. I have some serious feelings for one of my best friends. I used to not like him at all, to start to like him as a friend, to become one of my best friends, to feel like I've never felt before. He's not as physically attractive as most people, and his personality mirrors how mine was a year ago (he's so insecure, he has to put people down to feel better) and we're usually thinking the same thing which is really funny. I'm kind of in love with what I know he can become, and I want to help him. I'm 99.9999% sure he's gay but I think he's still blocking that out mentally (maybe more so because he has other brothers).

3. I'm trying to be unselfish here by allowing our friendship to move the way it needs to without ruining it by telling him I like him as more than a friend. He's already made it clear through jokes and what not that if I ever asked him on a date, he'd stop being friends with me. It seems like I'm waiting for him to accept the fact that it's okay to be who he is, but that seems hypocritical because I haven't even told him I'm gay yet. The problem is: I can't really wait forever because I'm graduating and he's not (he's a year younger). I'm just afraid that if I tell him, our friendship will be over, and that means more to me than anything in the world right now.


Should I tell my best friend that I'm gay? It seems like he's anti-gay right now.

[Dimitri]

Honestly, if you are afraid to tell him then I would not, I am actually going against some of my morals and ethics here....

Personally I would tell him, let him know the truth and if he cannot accept you for who you are then who needs him, he isn't worth it in my honest opinion. I value my friends and I am lucky that all of them accept me for who I am but in your instance and if I were in your shoes I would tell him you are gay first and if he is fine with that then I would wait for it to sink in, give him some time to process it.

Then, after that I would wait about a week or so to tell him that you have a thing for him so as to not bombard him with all this shit all at once....

Just give him some time to process....

Let me know if you need anything else, PM me, sorry for the lateness of the comments, I have been slightly pre-occupied lately....

[TheHumanSpirit]

Honestly, if you are afraid to tell him then I would not, I am actually going against some of my morals and ethics here....

Personally I would tell him, let him know the truth and if he cannot accept you for who you are then who needs him, he isn't worth it in my honest opinion. I value my friends and I am lucky that all of them accept me for who I am but in your instance and if I were in your shoes I would tell him you are gay first and if he is fine with that then I would wait for it to sink in, give him some time to process it.

Then, after that I would wait about a week or so to tell him that you have a thing for him so as to not bombard him with all this shit all at once....

Just give him some time to process....

Let me know if you need anything else, PM me, sorry for the lateness of the comments, I have been slightly pre-occupied lately....

Thanks Dimitri! I really appreciate your advice because this has been frustrating me since halfway through last school year.

I thought about it and came up with the same approach with regards to telling him that I'm gay. Now I'm just wondering when would be a good time to talk to him about me being gay because we really don't have any time to talk one-on-one (we're constantly surrounded by groups of friends). Maybe I'll just let him know when we actually are one-on-one.

As for the me liking him thing... I'm concerned because he doesn't seem to be open to the gay lifestyle. Like I said, I'm 99.9999% sure he's gay, but he hasn't seemed to admit that to even himself yet; he doesn't seem to find girls sexually or emotionally attractive. So if I tell him that I like him, I feel like I might be risking our friendship. I know you said he wouldn't be worth it, but maybe by accepting the fact that I like him, he might feel as if he's conceding to being gay (or at least, associating with a best friend who is).

Perhaps I'll see how he handles me telling him that I'm gay first and go from there..