Suicidal

[Ravenous1]

Im at the point of going to kill myself. I cant take this personal hell of mine. The voices are not helping me. They want me to suffer and love to torment me, my hallucinations are scary as fu*k i dont know what to do. I have everything i want to do for my suicide, i guess this is my cry of help or something i dont really know i just want help before i do something i regret

[Mortal Coil]

Jennifer, I don't know what makes you want to kill yourself. Maybe if you wrote out what's making your world a "hell" some of us can help you out.
You know that the voices are not real though, which means that you probably have psychotic depression.
So many suicide attempts are snap decisions, and I would hate to see anyone die because of a minor final straw.
The fact that you came on this site is a huge step towards your recovery, and it takes a lot of courage to open up to people when you're in a dark place like you are. You are brave, and smart, and it would truly be tragic if you committed suicide. If nothing else, stay alive for the strangers on the internet who care about you more than your classmates.

[muddygrand]

Nothing is worth taking your life over. People care about you. This whole Virtual Teen website cares about you. Just know that things get better and that you are special, you are loved, you are cared about, and you are a fantastic person. :)

[Ravenous1]

This will be a long reply
My hell is mostly centered around my voices and hallucinations. I hear voices (idk how many) the man and the woman. The man is mean and enjoys me going through hell, he will tell me things that make me paranoid, anxious and he will get me to cut (after i cut he leaves which is the reason why i cut in the first place) ik he is not real but if he tells me to do something i have to do it i dont have a choice. If i dont he will get worse and try to make me kill myself (ive almost did a few times already but my bff has stopped me) the woman is good and nice, she will give me advice and help me out. She has stopped me from killing myself once. I like her alot.
The hallucinations are mostly of people and things that are not there. i mostly see a man he will follow me everywhere. I will see words on the walls and ceiling (its complete gibberish) my posters will change the faces will go from normal and morph into something scary i ripped one down cuz of that, the people i would see is a man sometimes he looks like a normal person at others he is just a black shadow that watches me. I think he might be one of my voices but im not sure. I also see a woman and 2 children. The other things i see are creatures idk what they are but it freaks me out, they look like shadows in the form of unrecognizable things.
i also get really bad anxiety, it usually happens during school if the class gets too noisy and im surrounded by everyone i will want to run out of the class, thats when i just want to be home in bed cuz its safe in my room. The last thing is my paranoia, my friend has told me several times that im paranoid. Its because i believe that helicopters follow me everywhere. They do follow me everywhere i have said that and i just get weird looks. If i see or hear a helicopter i will stop what im doing listen to see if it goes away if it does i will go back to what i was doing before, if not i will go outside and try to find it, if i find it i will watch it til it leaves if i dont find it i will listen to it until it leaves then contiune what i was doing before. Thats pretty much what i experience everyday i hate it i just want it all to go away and be how it was before all this started.

[flumeendeavors]

Oh hun, i understand your situation. I hear voices and see gibberish languages carved into my walls at night and it absolutely sucks but you have to remind yourself that things will eventually get better. One day soon that man that you see and hear will leave you alone, even if you dont believe so, because he will get bored and forget why he was ever torturing you in the first place.
It does get better. I promise you.
If you ever need to talk - PM me. <3 :)

[Ravenous1]

Thanks everyone, im not suicidal anymore. Thank you for your support of me through this i realize i wouldve made a big mistake by taking my life.

I do have a question though, whats causing all of the things to happen to me with the voices and whatnot?

[Mortal Coil]

Bad luck, mostly. You got stuck with the man who tortures you.
Also maybe exposure to either dangerous drugs or a traumatizing event in your childhood.
I'm glad that you don't want to kill yourself anymore, and remember that you always have us if you relapse.

[monkeydo]

Glad to hear you're not suicidal anymore!! As far as what causes this, someone else mentioned drugs which would make sense if you've done that? If not... ok I know people will think I'm crazy... but I really believe in "spiritual" stuff because I've experienced a lot of it. It would be hard to explain if you don't believe in that stuff though, but I personally have no doubt that there are "evil spirits" or whatever that will torment people. If you think it might be something like that I can try to help? If you think I'm just crazy, well I don't blame you really, but if you don't come up with any other answers it might be worth considering?

[Ravenous1]

i don't do drugs. i do believe in the spiritual stuff your talking about. from what im going through it doesnt feel that way. it feels different. idk what it is but its not spiritual from what i can tell.

[monkeydo]

Ok well if you're sure its nothing like that then seeing someone professional is your best bet. Hope you get past this.

[Ravenous1]

I will see a psychiratrist but i have to tell my mom the reason i cut (she found out, you can see it in my post "nightmare came true" under cutting and self harm) and im having trouble getting the courage to do that.

[Riddler40]

I often have thoughts of jumping out my bedroom window.