georgiamay
January 31st, 2012, 01:46 PM
I feel really really weird, and I can't think of a way to describe it.
I'm withdrawing a bit from my friends because I have nothing to say, and I feel like nothing they have to say could possibly interest me. I'm stupidly irritable and get annoyed at the most trivial things, and I cry a lot when I get home from school. Nothing triggers it, literally nothing can happen all day, but I'll just cry. Not all the time, I don't cry every day, but it's been happening more and more often. I'm tired all the time. I wake up about an hour or 2 before my alarm goes off, and I just roll over and lay there and think about nothing until it goes off, but every now and then I sleep right through my alarm and it's my dad who wakes me up when he gets home from walking the dog by shouting up the stairs to ask if I'm up.
There's either nothing going on inside my head, and it's just nothing, and I feel nothing, and it's a horrible kind of nothing and I hate it, or everything is going on, and I'm thinking about everything at the same time and I desperately want to feel nothing. It's getting so hard to not cut right now. I've been doing really well, and I really don't want to, but sometimes I get so overwhelmed that it seems like I really good idea. I just want the shit to stop in my head for a few seconds.
I'm not sure if I hate the nothingness moments more, or the everything moments. I have normal moments too, where I think everything's fine and it's just a phase, and I tell myself that there isn't a problem, but then it just goes away and I don't know what happens after that, I really don't know what it is, or if it's even anything, or if it's even a problem. But when I think about it logically, it must be a problem otherwise I wouldn't have days where I want to die. I've never considered going through with it, but sometimes I just don't want to live anymore.
Bleh, just needed to get this out.
I'm withdrawing a bit from my friends because I have nothing to say, and I feel like nothing they have to say could possibly interest me. I'm stupidly irritable and get annoyed at the most trivial things, and I cry a lot when I get home from school. Nothing triggers it, literally nothing can happen all day, but I'll just cry. Not all the time, I don't cry every day, but it's been happening more and more often. I'm tired all the time. I wake up about an hour or 2 before my alarm goes off, and I just roll over and lay there and think about nothing until it goes off, but every now and then I sleep right through my alarm and it's my dad who wakes me up when he gets home from walking the dog by shouting up the stairs to ask if I'm up.
There's either nothing going on inside my head, and it's just nothing, and I feel nothing, and it's a horrible kind of nothing and I hate it, or everything is going on, and I'm thinking about everything at the same time and I desperately want to feel nothing. It's getting so hard to not cut right now. I've been doing really well, and I really don't want to, but sometimes I get so overwhelmed that it seems like I really good idea. I just want the shit to stop in my head for a few seconds.
I'm not sure if I hate the nothingness moments more, or the everything moments. I have normal moments too, where I think everything's fine and it's just a phase, and I tell myself that there isn't a problem, but then it just goes away and I don't know what happens after that, I really don't know what it is, or if it's even anything, or if it's even a problem. But when I think about it logically, it must be a problem otherwise I wouldn't have days where I want to die. I've never considered going through with it, but sometimes I just don't want to live anymore.
Bleh, just needed to get this out.