Scared the hell out of myself

[Alexis goes Rawr]

The other day i got a brand new blade because my old one was almost starting to rust, im always so worried about infection, well i dont know if it was because it was so new and sharper then what im used to or if i just pressed way too hard but i cut much much deeper then i meant to. I couldnt stop the bleeding for well over an hour i was so frightened i might need stitches, and if my mom wasnt a nurse who left all her medical stuff all over thehouse i probably would have needed medical attention
I used sticky gauze alchol peroxide cotton balls tons of butterfly stitches and medical tape
Im pretty sure its healing fine and therea no infection but the experience stil scared the f**k out of me o threw out all my blades and anything else i had that was sharp
I still want to cut but right now im still to damn scared tp, which i guess is a good thing? I guess....argh im just so confused

[love is louder]

i had a very similar experience to this. i was sat in the bath and i cut my arm. my cuts over the last few weeks before were gradually getting worse and worse so to me it was no big deal. there was a lot of blood but i figured thats because i was in the bath and my arm was wet but it wasnt. it bleed for over half a hour and i always told myself if that happened i would tell someone, but i didnt. after a hour it calmed down and i managed to pinch the skin together and tightly wrap a wrist support around it (i have no first aid skills what so ever) after i calmed down and realised i wasnt going to die i automatically picked up my blade again to continue. this is when i finally realised that i needed help, like proper help, not the kind of help you can get from your parents help.
in my opinion you are now in the position i was in a year ago. whether its a doctor, your mum or even a therapist.

trust me, it will get better.

[Desuetude]

I think maybe the experience could be a good thing for you, I'm not saying it say good that you hurt yourselfers badly but the fact that you have seen how much damage you can do and this has caused you to throw away blades is good. Maybe this is the right time to gather up all your strength and try and stop for good, I mean it's better to stop now rather than carry on and cut even deeper getting addicted. Just keep strong and believe that you can, you don't need to cut, like you have just realised it makes things worse how did cutting this time make things better for you? It just made you panick, you're stronger than this and you don't need to cut.

[FullyAlive]

I'm pretty sure most self harmers will have had this experience or similar going deeper and losing to much blood. And you're right its fucking scary. This might have shook you back into the reality of what you're doing, and hopefully if you use this fear as your motivation you can stop for good. You don't want a repeat of this after all. However worst comes to worse and you do succumb to the urges at least now you'll be a lot more careful, watch what you're doing be careful of depth.

If it isn't healing properly or anything is wrong seek medical attention.