Ughhhhhh

[torry]

I've never been more conflicted. Theres this boy. This wonderful boy. He likes me, a lot, a lot a lot! And I like him a lot. Seems like there's no issue right? Wrong. Factor in my overprotective, racist father, and the fact that this wonderful boy is hispanic, and you get a recipe for disaster. So I'll start from the very beginning. This boy first asked me out in 2010, and I said yes. My dad made me say no, on the grounds that I was not allowed to date until I turned 15. Now, flash forward, me and this guy...are very close and flirty to say the LEAST. Everyone asks us if we're dating, we act like it. We link arms, we walk each other to class, everything. My dad of course has no clue about all of that. Even my mom isn't that supportive of it because of how my dad will react. We're so close to dating, and the closer we get the worse I feel. I want to date him, really, but I can't. So now I feel like I'm leading him on. Oh my goodness, today after school we were hanging out just for a few minutes until I had to leave, like everyday. But today we were in a more secluded place, and I had my back on a wall, and his hands were holding mine, our bodies were close. He pushed my hair out of my face and said I was beautiful, and he had this dreamy look in his eyes. I thought he was gonna kiss me. I have no idea what to do. Date behind my dad's back, just leave it the way it is and hope for the best, I just don't know. And last night we were talking and he told me he would commit to me, and only me, whenever I was ready. I don't know what to tell him! Any help is so greatly appreciated.

[Heatbomb21]

Next time it comes up, explain to your father why you like this boy.

Despite his reasons against hispanics, if your reasons and this boy's are good enough then I assure you he will understand. Depending on how strong your reasons and bond are, it will completely overshadow your father's views for him. However, aren't any particularly good reasons, then convincing your dad may prove to be somewhat difficult.

Think long and hard on this. Thinking is THE best way to find answers. Period.

Forgive me if I was unclear in any way.

[torry]

Its not that simple, I just spoke with my mom about this and she told me it would break my dad's heart. His reasons are because of his upbringing. He was never allowed to date any other race (my grandparents are worse than him). My mom says it would make him sick to his stomach to see me date this boy. And my dad...is stubborn...VERY stubborn. No matter what logic you throw at him, he is always right. He won't accept any other opinions besides his own.

[Heatbomb21]

Yeah. That's how most of these situations play out...

I see what you mean. But still, even the most stubborn of people can be convinced somehow. Despite his upbringing, as your father he should keep you happy as much as he can. Deep down, he knows that, and he would allow you. But you'll need to tap into that. As you said, it's not that simple, but it's very very possible.

P.S. You should watch Fiddler on the Roof. It's this in a nutshell.

[InfamousPanda]

yea i get where your coming from with this, dont wanna hurt your dad but still wanna do wat makes you happy. Do start your relationship with him, just dont make it obvious to your parents. Its not like your dads trying to keep you safe from a guy thats dangorous or will hurt you, he isnt a bad person, your dads just racist. Do this behind his back, its better for both of you.

i hope i helped you(:
much love<3<3

[unnamed94]

in my opinion, you should not date him until everything is cool with your dad about. you will be making him a part of your family issues, and nobody wants that. i know it may not be the answer you wanted.

[Mortal Coil]

As much as I can see you not wanting to ruin your relationship with your parents, sometimes people just have to do things for themselves. If I'm not mistaken, you're about 15 (?), and that's almost an adult. You don't choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose to spend time with him. It's a very personal decision, but I think that spending time with the person who makes you happy is more important than a petty quarrel with your father who (hopefully) loves you unconditionally and will forgive you.

[Desuetude]

As much as I can see you not wanting to ruin your relationship with your parents, sometimes people just have to do things for themselves. If I'm not mistaken, you're about 15 (?), and that's almost an adult. You don't choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose to spend time with him. It's a very personal decision, but I think that spending time with the person who makes you happy is more important than a petty quarrel with your father who (hopefully) loves you unconditionally and will forgive you.

That's good advice ^

You can not be expected to step on eggshells around your dad just because he has different beliefs than you. You need to follow your heart and do things to please you, not your parents. You and this boy seem really close and I'm sure you don't want to throw that away, he said he will wait for you until you are ready so why not try and tell your dad, not asking but telling, that your going out with this boy and there us nothing he can do about it. See how he reacts and if there is any chance that things will be ok. You can't let for dad rule your life and we are meant to go against what our parents want some time in life it's basically the law. ;-) so I say go for it and if it hurts your dad then it is not your fault, parents should be there to support and love us whatever we decide not take away the things that matter most. :-)

[torry]

Thank you all so much for the advice! I'm still scared out of my mind to go to my dad about this. I know he'll never see it my way. I think I might talk to my guy about my dad, tell him the situation. That way he won't think I'm just leading him on. In my house its my dads way, or no way. Its always been like that. He has complete control over everything I do. I know thats not normal, but its just the way it is. I'm seriously considering dating behind his back. Oh, and it may seem like my dad is this terrible person, but he really isn't. Everything he does, whether it be logical or not, is because he loves me. Again, thank you all so much! You've given me a lot to think about

[InfamousPanda]

post if things go allright(:

best wishes