Funeral...

[acryforhelp]

All I can think about is death. The suicidal thoughts keep bouncing around in my head and I dont know what to do. I know that I need help but I am afraid to reach out for it for fear of what will happen. I guess the biggest thing holding me back right now is the fact that I am in school. I can't be hospitalized or it will mess all of that up. I have a feeling I should be calling my counselor but I just can't do that. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I want the heaviness in my heart to go away. I want to be able to breathe again. I want to have energy and motivation to do things. I want to have someone I can confide in. I feel like I am getting further and further away from reality. I want to go to bed right now....just take my meds and be done for the day but I dont want to answer all my grandparents questions. I want to hide or escape or SOMETHING.

[screamtobeheard]

The fact that you don't want to be hospitalized because of school is multifaceted, as I see it. It shows that school is important to you, and that's something linking you to reality, which is always good. You have a reason to stay and live and be happy. I know you don't want to get help, but you really should, even if it's just a school counselor. Please be safe, and good luck.

[fatcat101]

:)i know ruffly how you feel right now, you are most likely suffering from depresion. sadly you cant make the pain go away but you can base your life around something, go and get something to do like:
go to a chirch
go to a youth club
stay with friends as much as posible (but make sure they know you are upset.
just give yourself a reason to wake up in the morning.
good luck.