My story, I guess...

[Zombie]

Around the middle of last year I had probably some of the most wonderful and influential friends and enjoyed being around them at any given opportunity. At the time I would have considered myself 100% straight and happy with my life but it soon began to go down hill. One day my friend was acting a little out of the ordinary I guess you could say and I asked him what was up and we eventually made it on to the topic about my best friend and his sexuality, probably because we had a fight a ~3 days ago, Anyway basically my friend told me my best friend was a bisexual. At first I was a little shocked but I realised I really missed my best friend and started getting feelings for him and I told my friend about this. My friend and I shortly came to the conclusion that I am bi-curious/bi because I do find an attraction in guys sort of. I was sad because I wasn't sure if my best friend was still, well, my best friend so my friend decided to try patch things up and told him I knew (I wasn't supposed to know, it sort of came out.)

So I thought everything went better then expected, I had my best friend back but it wasn't the same and it will never be. I was oblivious he was changing and soon he became a person I barely knew. Me and my friend told him I had feelings for him and was bi and despite him being bisexual himself he sort of freaked out and we didn't talk that much anymore. I still had two of my friends who stood by me because I was and still am hurt that he doesn't want to know me anymore. Yet still there isn't a day that goes by that I dont think of him and how I shouldn't have told him about how I felt.

Months later I heard that he got into smoking pot, which is when I approached him on facebook and started talking to him and we sort of started talking on and of for a few weeks most of the time he was high. To put this into context, sort of, he doesn't get high for fun, he does it because its his crutch and if things don't go right for him he don't accept it. He's not the friend I knew anymore and it hurts, a lot and I miss him. Furthermore he now says he's 100% straight and it was all just a phase. I guess thats only a minor part of it all. I think a lot about my sexuality and often I don't like to talk about it to my gay friends either. I usually stay in my room waay too much and now when I see people in person I know from school I kind of get scared I'll say something stupid and then I just try not to talk to them.

I know my friend is lost and I accept that but these thoughts constantly run through my head like a looping video and sometimes it gets the better of me and reduces me to tears, and I feel like a massive pussy writing this..
I know this is probably ridiculously out of context and probably has a lot of spelling mistakes in it but i'll end it off here. What should I do, I'm confused ._.

[Mortal Coil]

First of all, know that what your friend has gotten into is NOT your fault. If you want to take responsibility, that is another matter and a very personal choice. As it is, because this isn't your fault, you have no real obligation to but he is your friend. Also, it takes balls to admit this stuff, you're not a pussy.
Next, it's possible that your friend thinks he shouldn't have told you how he felt. I don't know this guy personally, but maybe once you realized your feelings for him, he thought you were making fun of him or didn't quite know how to react to the news that he was bi. If this is the case he may think that you're homophobic/prejudiced because you started treating him differently.
try getting him help with his pot addiction (but leave parents out of it) and, once he's no longer mixed up in drugs or at least in control of his habit, try explaining the situation. Hope I helped, sorry for the long reply :)

[Desuetude]

Im sorry you lost your best friend, its going to be hard on you and you're going to feel like you pushed him away but honestly don't blame yourself, it was his decision to start smoking and you had no influence on that.
The fact that your confused and that he was is normal, it happens to most teenagers. i suppose your just trying to find yourself. Yes it may have been a phase for him thats probably why he didn't go round telling everyone which may have been why he was annoyed with you knowing, as he may have not been sure himself. Don't worry about your sexualit, you are you and wether you are gay, straight ot bi it doesn't matter and friends and family will always be there to support you. I mean three is no point in worrying about things you cant change, you should just embrace it.
Like evil.angel said maybe your friend freaked because he thought you were making fun of him or just didn't know how to talk to you about it, especially if you told him you had feeling for him. He may have been embarssed to be bi and didn't want to go round showing it off on his sleeve.
If he is high all the time and not talking to you apart from trying to talk to him there is nothing you can do. If he has changed so much that you don't even know him now then although he was your best friend i think you should let him get on with his life as it's already been a month and it seems you have other friends who are willing to support you. If you did get back to being friends would it be worth it? i mean things will have changed especially now he knows you did/still have feelings for him.
I don't think you should blame yourself for the life he is leading now and i think you need to try and move past this. it may take a bit of time but you just have to know that other people look out for you and he was not the only person keeping you happy, you need to get to the place you were before him. :)

[Zombie]

Thanks for the replies. I guess I should add that he admitted to having feelings for me once but by the time I told him I felt this way he didn't feel that way anymore. :\

[Borxar]

Well, perhaps it was rushed a little. Firstly, wanting to spend time with a best friend and missing him, doesnt mean you are bi or gay. It can just be that you long for interaction with great important people to you. I'm sorry things got awkward between you. It's also hard when you see a person you were close to change to be someone else. It is possible they can change again, if your friend decides to clean up his life, for example. You can still build a friendship with someone who does the wrong things though, even though you don't partake in it, you can still partake in his life. Or if it harmful to you, then build into the other friends you have and have good friendships there. It might hurt to think about how you used to interact and the memories, but sometimes you can keep the good memories and even though that phase in friendship is over, you can still have new memories with new friends in a new phase of life. Your decisionthen, I guess, depends on the circumstances you are in and the decision you would like to make. Whatever happens, you always have support! :)

[Zombie]

Well, perhaps it was rushed a little. Firstly, wanting to spend time with a best friend and missing him, doesnt mean you are bi or gay. It can just be that you long for interaction with great important people to you. I'm sorry things got awkward between you. It's also hard when you see a person you were close to change to be someone else. It is possible they can change again, if your friend decides to clean up his life, for example. You can still build a friendship with someone who does the wrong things though, even though you don't partake in it, you can still partake in his life. Or if it harmful to you, then build into the other friends you have and have good friendships there. It might hurt to think about how you used to interact and the memories, but sometimes you can keep the good memories and even though that phase in friendship is over, you can still have new memories with new friends in a new phase of life. Your decisionthen, I guess, depends on the circumstances you are in and the decision you would like to make. Whatever happens, you always have support! :)

Thanks. I agree that it was a little rushed, and hes practically blocked me from everywhere now so I don't see him at all anymore. I give up :\