I Know I Said I was Bi But Now I'm Even More Confused

[Biscuithead13]

Ok so it all essentially boils down to this. I am emotionally attracted to girls but not attracted to girls sexually AT ALL. I had a gf a while ago but tbh the only reason I could get going while cuddling was because of the skin contact. I am not attracted to anything about a girls body, I actually find vaginas nasty. I am definitely attracted to guys sexually. I would do anything with one and as long as they arent too hairy everything about a guy turns me on. I've found in the past that I have the capability of becoming emotionally attracted to guys but that has yet to take me anywhere as they were all guys I met online and well you know how that goes. So yeah I guess I'm kinda wondering where I'm at because I am in a very tough posistion right now.

Now for problem two. Even If I am gay, although I talk like it, I come off as straight in every other way. My problem is I dont fit any of the steroeotypical gay stuff (although I dont want to). I know what I am into and what music I like and stuff. Im not a Lady Gaga fanatic or anything, although I will say her support for the LGBT community is outstanding and some of her songs are catchy. Im a guy into straight guy stuff like sports (dont play em though, but play pickup bball occasionally), and I like Classic Rock, pop, and yes even country lol, course I live in Nashville, so yeah. I'm actually slowly getting into anime though. Even If I turned out gay, I wouldnt be one of those guys waving a rainbow flag or be found at gay bars and stuff. That just doesnt float my boat. But on the other hand, its about who you like and doesnt have to neccesarily makeup your lifestyle. I am attracted to the staight acting guys like myself but it would be extremely hard to find any :/ It seems all the teens that I know who are gay or bi are like flaming...nothing wrong with it at all, just doesnt float my boat so I wouldnt wanna date them or anything. I guess what Im saying is I feel I would have trouble finding myself a lil group, if I do end up gay. So yes, that worrys me a lot right now. Just too much to think about so I wanted to get some input. :confused:

[Carlyle]

Your outlook on this seems reasonable, but you need to be more open minded. For starters, what do you mean by a little group? If you mean friends, the ones you have now should be able to accept you for you, gay or not. There isn't really anything wrong with coming off as straight and being gay. Trust me, a lot of people come off that way. You'd be surprised how many guys who seem straight actually turn out to be gay. Assuming one's sexuality isn't always the best of ideas.

[Camazot]

tbh wat i just read it seems like u are gay but ur afraid that it will be hard to find someone u actually like in real life because u dont know hoo is gay/bi that isnt a flamer...also i dislike flamers too they seem fake thats just wat i think (no offense anyone)...

[Daracon]

I'm with you on the straight thing, I wouldn't want a flaming bf, I would want someone who comes off as being straight but is bi or gay, Its a preference lol. I'm kinda of in the same boat as you aswell, I thought I was bi but I am kinda curious again, I like girls physically and somewhat emotionally, but with guys I am attracted emotionally and not really physically. But I am very specific about the boys I like physically so mabye it will take the right boy to conjure a reaction lol.

[CrossingtheCourtyard]

Ok so it all essentially boils down to this. I am emotionally attracted to girls but not attracted to girls sexually AT ALL. I had a gf a while ago but tbh the only reason I could get going while cuddling was because of the skin contact. I am not attracted to anything about a girls body, I actually find vaginas nasty. I am definitely attracted to guys sexually. I would do anything with one and as long as they arent too hairy everything about a guy turns me on. I've found in the past that I have the capability of becoming emotionally attracted to guys but that has yet to take me anywhere as they were all guys I met online and well you know how that goes. So yeah I guess I'm kinda wondering where I'm at because I am in a very tough posistion right now.

Now for problem two. Even If I am gay, although I talk like it, I come off as straight in every other way. My problem is I dont fit any of the steroeotypical gay stuff (although I dont want to). I know what I am into and what music I like and stuff. Im not a Lady Gaga fanatic or anything, although I will say her support for the LGBT community is outstanding and some of her songs are catchy. Im a guy into straight guy stuff like sports (dont play em though, but play pickup bball occasionally), and I like Classic Rock, pop, and yes even country lol, course I live in Nashville, so yeah. I'm actually slowly getting into anime though. Even If I turned out gay, I wouldnt be one of those guys waving a rainbow flag or be found at gay bars and stuff. That just doesnt float my boat. But on the other hand, its about who you like and doesnt have to neccesarily makeup your lifestyle. I am attracted to the staight acting guys like myself but it would be extremely hard to find any :/ It seems all the teens that I know who are gay or bi are like flaming...nothing wrong with it at all, just doesnt float my boat so I wouldnt wanna date them or anything. I guess what Im saying is I feel I would have trouble finding myself a lil group, if I do end up gay. So yes, that worrys me a lot right now. Just too much to think about so I wanted to get some input. :confused:

So, you are questioning whether or not you like girls then? It's possible to be Homosexual-biromantic, in which case you still have feelings for women and would enter a romantic relationship with a woman, but are not interested in sexual relationships with one. It's also possible you will find that you really are just gay and don't want any sort of relationship with a girl--only you can say that, though.

You are in no way shape or form required to act in any stereotypical fashion, nor do you need to go to pride rallies or gay bars if those scenes aren't for you.

Trust me, there are plenty of bi and gay guys who are not 'flaming' and if that's you're preference, than don't worry, you'll find someone at some point in the future. Never assume someone's sexual preference because of how they look, there are plenty of feminine straights, masculine gays and people who act between the two extremes. They're out there.

[Donkey]

You only notice all the camp, stereotypical homosexuals cause they are the only ones you associate with homosexuality in the first place. Some skinny guy walks down the street with a rainbow bracelet, pink shirt, dyed hair and a load of make up on and you think "well he is definitely gay." Some other normal-looking guy walks down the street, you see him and you think nothing. You assume that every gay person is like that cause those are the only ones that you associate with it.

Personally, I don't fit the said stereotype at all and I'm definitely not camp in the slightest. I act totally straight even though I am pretty much totally gay. So what? Those people exist. It sounds like you are gay, anyway... don't try to deny it, it's no good

[Abyssal Echo]

all I can say is there are str8 looking & acting Gay guys out there. I'm one of those ! and, to look at me in public you would never know that I was Gay. I do not openly display affection to another guy in public unless he is Ok with it. I don't display a Gay pride flag outside either. All I can say is I was miseable confused and unhappy with myself until I finally came to grips with the fact that I was gay. I was not happy how it came out that I was Gay but its out and after talking to a couple of guys on here I feel alot better about me as a person. I hope this helps you out. if you would like to talk let me know.

[Biscuithead13]

To the above posters yes, deep down I think I know I'm gay too :/ I know what my prefrences are and fact is that I just like guys. The grays areas come along when it comes to me accepting myself, being just a little more open minded, and trying to get my social life in order from here on out. I find it extremely hard to accept myself as gay for some reason, I can easily accept if I was bi but being gay is like a whole other ballgame. It makes me feel all alone to be honest, again because I see these gay guys walking around my school, and they are so open about it (I overhear them and stuff) and I always wonder "If I was that way I'm not sure how I could possibly be so open about it" I always wonder that because to be honest it amazes me.

[CrossingtheCourtyard]

I suppose it might have to do with accepting the fact that stigmas may be attached to you and some people might assume that if you root for the home team, you must act in a stereotypical fashion.

Which you do not. You do not have to be 'so open' as you put it. Your orientation is your business, as are the behaviors and mannerisms that you display in public and in private.

Coming out as bisexual can be seen by some as a easier option because it could give people the idea that you may still end up leading a 'perfectly normal heterosexual lifestyle' with a female partner. Some think being bi is easier, which it's not. There are still stereotypes attached to bisexuals, and biphobic people exist in both the heterosexual and homosexual communities.

In my opinion coming out bi when you're gay isn't a good idea. You may want to come out again later on, and in all reality, it's not a good plan.

Anyways, back on topic, it's hard to accept. I still feel weird considering myself bi because it means I'm... different.

But you won't be alone. There will be people who will still support you.

[Hugger]

Well dude, I understand your loneliness. I'm not sure if there's a relation what so ever, but when my friends talk about straight stuff like sex and bla around me, I feel extremely awkward. True, u just wanna hang on to that bi title for a little longer, but u might feel better if u just give it up. Oh! And I shall not be with a typical gay guy, I'm attracted to the straight actin ones. And they can't have any (much) hair on em either. :p something' in common there.
Well, youre most likely gay if anything else. Guess its time to update the sig huh? :p

[Biscuithead13]

Well dude, I understand your loneliness. I'm not sure if there's a relation what so ever, but when my friends talk about straight stuff like sex and bla around me, I feel extremely awkward. True, u just wanna hang on to that bi title for a little longer, but u might feel better if u just give it up. Oh! And I shall not be with a typical gay guy, I'm attracted to the straight actin ones. And they can't have any (much) hair on em either. :p something' in common there.
Well, youre most likely gay if anything else. Guess its time to update the sig huh? :p

Yeah haha your right I should update my sig :P Yesterday actually I was hangin with a couple straght friends at thier house, and it was the first time I hung out with them. Eventually they were talkin about sex and stuff so I'd just kinda nod and giggle a little so as not to draw suspicion. But later one of thier friends as we were about to leave was like "and be sure to get them hoes" or something like that. I just felt extremely awkward because I dont come off as gay at all so its always assumed I'm straght, which I'm not. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

[Hugger]

Yeah haha your right I should update my sig :P Yesterday actually I was hangin with a couple straght friends at thier house, and it was the first time I hung out with them. Eventually they were talkin about sex and stuff so I'd just kinda nod and giggle a little so as not to draw suspicion. But later one of thier friends as we were about to leave was like "and be sure to get them hoes" or something like that. I just felt extremely awkward because I dont come off as gay at all so its always assumed I'm straght, which I'm not. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

LOL! True ain't it?! It's sooo awks. :p Unfortuneatly I'm not as good as u are. :$ they honestly have a feelin I'm not straight due to how I behave when they talk like that. XD My bestfriend jokes that I haven't gone through puberty.

[Biscuithead13]

Yeah well I mean my only give away would be if I was around a guy I liked :p I wouldnt be able to act normally lol :D but unfortunately there are no good gay/bi guys at my school that I know of so I dont have to worry about it for now. :/ Of course I haven't been straight up (no pun intended) asked If I was bi or gay except for once by a girl and I said yeah Im bi and she got all happy :P For some reason when I talk to girls I do get this sort or innocent/adorable sounding tone to my voice if that makes any sense. :P

[LilTurtle]

Chris... I'm age. Lets talk sometime. I get down to Nashville two times a year. Always for an eagles game downtown at ur stadium. Always eat right on the corner... big river... something like that. I'm also gay but play all kinds of sports.

[Camazot]

its ironic haha we could of hung out yah kno...i was onvited to go to nashville and i could have really did anything but it was 650 dollars so i couldnt

[Gordo]

Yeah well I mean my only give away would be if I was around a guy I liked :p I wouldnt be able to act normally lol :D but unfortunately there are no good gay/bi guys at my school that I know of so I dont have to worry about it for now. :/ Of course I haven't been straight up (no pun intended) asked If I was bi or gay except for once by a girl and I said yeah Im bi and she got all happy :P For some reason when I talk to girls I do get this sort or innocent/adorable sounding tone to my voice if that makes any sense. :P

Your situation seems tough because you’re straight acting and are attracted to straight acting. So it’s gonna be tougher to find someone. However, you’re also hard to find, so you might wanna work on two things: Your gaydar, accepting yourself and being a tiny bit more open.
Gaydar – You wrote, “as we were about to leave was like "and be sure to get them hoes" or something like that.” - that dude basically just said he’s straight. The guys that didn’t chime in, are question marks. You didn’t chime right in, and for now you present yourself as straight, but you did leave a question mark. Pay attention to other guys that do that. Watch other people’s eyes when your with them, you’ll be able to tell who they are checking out, whether it’s guys or girls and you’ll be able to tell where on their body they are looking. If someone is checking out a guys package, eyes will drift down, eyes up, boobs. Also, drop some question marks about other guys when you’re with guys that might be bi or gay. Something that won’t out you, like, I wish I had that guys body (or some part of his body) or that guy never has a bad hair day. The key is to do it when your with just one of your buds and see what they say.
Accepting yourself: I completely understand the trouble you have accepting yourself as gay. Society isn’t exactly pro gay and let’s face it, being straight is easier because it’s so acceptable. Anyway… You are what you are and I absolutely assure you that you aren’t the only straight acting gay guy at your school unless your school is really, really small. It’s scary to come out, it has to be. It is for you, so it is for them too. Please accept yourself. If you think about it, how much time are you going to actually spend having sex in your whole life? Not much compared to nearly everything else. And if you only count the time while you’re having an orgasm, it’s really small. (the time, not your dick haha) My point is, we put so much effort into sexually related stuff and the reality is that it’s a really small part of who we are. That’s why when people come out, particularly as bi, people say, cool or good for you cuz it’s not a big deal.
You mentioned being a little more open minded. Cool for you. Try new things where you’ll be around more guys. Spring sports are getting started, go out for something. I know tons of people from playing a sport. Plus, there’s the whole locker room experience, which, since you’re into guys, there they are in all their glory every day. My hope for you is through being a little more daring, you can form really close friends and that will always help you. Guys act a lot tougher in a group than they do one on one. So if you get to know a few that you’re one on one with, like things can happen, like sleep overs, camping, work out partner etc.

[Hugger]

@buscuit: u can never tell if I like someone. And XD. I told a girl that once too and she got so happy! :p
@Gordo: man, I forgot about that stuff. I was given that advice quite a whole ago. A YouTube vid I think....:$.

[Gordo]

@buscuit: u can never tell if I like someone. And XD. I told a girl that once too and she got so happy! :p
@Gordo: man, I forgot about that stuff. I was given that advice quite a whole ago. A YouTube vid I think....:$.

Hey Hugger, I didn't even think about you tube for this kind of stuff. The stuff i mentioned was from a friend of mine who has pretty good gaydar. Can't remember all of them, but i think our subconscious picks up on stuff and leaves an impression of some sort in addition to looking for specific things.

[Biscuithead13]

Chris... I'm age. Lets talk sometime. I get down to Nashville two times a year. Always for an eagles game downtown at ur stadium. Always eat right on the corner... big river... something like that. I'm also gay but play all kinds of sports.

Eagles? Where do they play and what sport I havn't heard of them....lol XD

[Biscuithead13]

:DYour situation seems tough because you’re straight acting and are attracted to straight acting. So it’s gonna be tougher to find someone. However, you’re also hard to find, so you might wanna work on two things: Your gaydar, accepting yourself and being a tiny bit more open.
Gaydar – You wrote, “as we were about to leave was like "and be sure to get them hoes" or something like that.” - that dude basically just said he’s straight. The guys that didn’t chime in, are question marks. You didn’t chime right in, and for now you present yourself as straight, but you did leave a question mark. Pay attention to other guys that do that. Watch other people’s eyes when your with them, you’ll be able to tell who they are checking out, whether it’s guys or girls and you’ll be able to tell where on their body they are looking. If someone is checking out a guys package, eyes will drift down, eyes up, boobs. Also, drop some question marks about other guys when you’re with guys that might be bi or gay. Something that won’t out you, like, I wish I had that guys body (or some part of his body) or that guy never has a bad hair day. The key is to do it when your with just one of your buds and see what they say.
Accepting yourself: I completely understand the trouble you have accepting yourself as gay. Society isn’t exactly pro gay and let’s face it, being straight is easier because it’s so acceptable. Anyway… You are what you are and I absolutely assure you that you aren’t the only straight acting gay guy at your school unless your school is really, really small. It’s scary to come out, it has to be. It is for you, so it is for them too. Please accept yourself. If you think about it, how much time are you going to actually spend having sex in your whole life? Not much compared to nearly everything else. And if you only count the time while you’re having an orgasm, it’s really small. (the time, not your dick haha) My point is, we put so much effort into sexually related stuff and the reality is that it’s a really small part of who we are. That’s why when people come out, particularly as bi, people say, cool or good for you cuz it’s not a big deal.
You mentioned being a little more open minded. Cool for you. Try new things where you’ll be around more guys. Spring sports are getting started, go out for something. I know tons of people from playing a sport. Plus, there’s the whole locker room experience, which, since you’re into guys, there they are in all their glory every day. My hope for you is through being a little more daring, you can form really close friends and that will always help you. Guys act a lot tougher in a group than they do one on one. So if you get to know a few that you’re one on one with, like things can happen, like sleep overs, camping, work out partner etc.

First off great advice and thank you :D Actually these friends both occasionally display signs they could at least be curious...especially the one that asked me to come over and stuff and he was really friendly and stuff with me. We seemed to bond well. Only problems is he has a gf so idk if he could be curious or not, but then again he could still be because I was when I had a gf. When I was over and I needed to change my pants cuz they were wet from stepping in a river (lol :lol:) he said it was ok if I changed in his room, and he happend to be in there at the time. For some reason I didnt, I think that was a huge mistake :eek: but later he changed in front of me and tbh I loved what I saw he's really hot :P but I just need to take it slow and like you said look for signs, I think at the very least there are chances for fooling around down the road if he does turn out to be curious.

[Camazot]

omg thats awesome i hope it works out with him and ur hot too lol but i told u that already...also your right take it slow because i went fast with a friend and now him and i dont talk

[Liveoak]

I gotta say that this is one of the best series of posts I've ever read here on VT. The fact that Chris (Biscuithead13 / orginal poster) was able to absolutely nail the exact feelings that I've been struggling with since I was 12 or 13 is, to me, amazing. I've had the same kind of problems relating to girls all my life. I just don't get 'em, I'm not attracted to 'em, either emotionally or sexually and have found that my attraction to guys is most likely going to be a permanent thing. It'll be a struggle, I know, because I fit that stereotypical str8 guy image and probably don't attract guys right away because I try to keep any notion of my attraction very low key.

Anyway, thanks all who wrote here. It's great to know that I'm not alone in the world.

Eric

[Gordo]

I gotta say that this is one of the best series of posts I've ever read here on VT. The fact that Chris (Biscuithead13 / orginal poster) was able to absolutely nail the exact feelings that I've been struggling with since I was 12 or 13 is, to me, amazing. I've had the same kind of problems relating to girls all my life. I just don't get 'em, I'm not attracted to 'em, either emotionally or sexually and have found that my attraction to guys is most likely going to be a permanent thing. It'll be a struggle, I know, because I fit that stereotypical str8 guy image and probably don't attract guys right away because I try to keep any notion of my attraction very low key.

Anyway, thanks all who wrote here. It's great to know that I'm not alone in the world.

Eric

I'm a bit busy at this moment, but this got me Eric. Let me tell ya something! I'm pretty straight and maybe typical of guys around you. I don't claim to be the best jock or anything, but I'm okay at lacrosse and can take a beating as well as give one. So stereotype me in you mind. What's your opinion of what I think of guys like you? On top of that, I'm pretty much a holy roller. So in our minds we have thoughts of what other people are like or will be like that end up near a stereotype.

Guys like me? We don't hate you. I don't want you to change. You don't need to change. I'm thinkin' the biggest hurdle for you and Chris is getting used to the idea yourselves for a while. Then when you're used to it and it and you decide to tell others about it. Remember THIS time period you're in right now.

You're having trouble accepting it, so don't get all nutty when others can't accept it right away.

The two of you guys Eric and Chris, I'll never meet ya, so I can just say it like it is.

You're parents, will still love you. So will ALL the other people in your life that love you. So what's the worry? Are ya worried about what acquaintences are gonna think? Ya shouldn't, cuz those people will come and go throughout your life. The people that really care about ya? They'll be fine. Initially it might be rocky, but in the end, perfectly fine.

If you had a brother or sister that was gay, would you love or like them less?
I doubt it.

I wanted to save this for my blog, but a close friend of mine came out to me as bi. I didn't say a word and it took me like half a second to get to him to give him a long, long hug that lasted several minutes.


You know what I think takes courage? Being different. Are whole lives we crave acceptance. we wanna fit in, but wanna be different or special too. Well, being bi or gay is different, that's for sure, but eventually just BE it.

I struggle at times with different things and something I'm working on that is also different, being accepting and nice and respectful and loving. Yup, I'm a little jock kid who totally doesn't go with the crowd when they are ripping on people or making fun of some "thing" or some "one" and ya know what? Being a jockish nerd that runs with the "cool kids" that ain't easy. Or acceptable. I get ripped on for it. I get threatened to be beaten up for stepping in when someone is getting picked on (and I'm not a big person). Or made fun of for helping kids that are a few years younger than me, or giving my buddies a hug when they need it or want it. I get throttled for that and I don't care.

Do the same for girls, and it's viewed as great or Ima playa and to a lot of the girls, I'm "the sweetest guy or the best" - (it ain't all bad)

Ya know what I didn['t say to my buddy Rob? "that's cool" or "I'm cool with it" or "good for you". He wasn't looking for the all clear sign from me or checking to see if I'm okay with it. He needed acceptance we all do. Gay, Straight or Bi. We crave have. Gotta have it and it takes some balls to give it.

So Eric and Chris, I offer you this. My complete acceptance and brotherly love. That's all I got to give and you can have it all. And that's from the jockish, good student Christain kid that society says I should be hater.

Lemme give ya some love! (that's what i say when I hug anybody) so you guys get the electronic version, E-lov

-- Okay, I really gotta go find my Lacrosse gear for tryouts tomorrow or I'm gonna be runnin' around cupless or something.

Peace guys, and I mean it.
-mikey

[Camazot]

that was truly genuine michael. you truly just changed my entire look on life ...i hope i can keep it
also i wish there were more people like u and that i could be like u....sadly i find myself to be a judgmental ass but i think thats from the 4 year span of which i was verbally and emotionally abused entyways ur awesome

lets change laughter into love

Lol (lots of love)

[Biscuithead13]

I'm a bit busy at this moment, but this got me Eric. Let me tell ya something! I'm pretty straight and maybe typical of guys around you. I don't claim to be the best jock or anything, but I'm okay at lacrosse and can take a beating as well as give one. So stereotype me in you mind. What's your opinion of what I think of guys like you? On top of that, I'm pretty much a holy roller. So in our minds we have thoughts of what other people are like or will be like that end up near a stereotype.

Guys like me? We don't hate you. I don't want you to change. You don't need to change. I'm thinkin' the biggest hurdle for you and Chris is getting used to the idea yourselves for a while. Then when you're used to it and it and you decide to tell others about it. Remember THIS time period you're in right now.

You're having trouble accepting it, so don't get all nutty when others can't accept it right away.

The two of you guys Eric and Chris, I'll never meet ya, so I can just say it like it is.

You're parents, will still love you. So will ALL the other people in your life that love you. So what's the worry? Are ya worried about what acquaintences are gonna think? Ya shouldn't, cuz those people will come and go throughout your life. The people that really care about ya? They'll be fine. Initially it might be rocky, but in the end, perfectly fine.

If you had a brother or sister that was gay, would you love or like them less?
I doubt it.

I wanted to save this for my blog, but a close friend of mine came out to me as bi. I didn't say a word and it took me like half a second to get to him to give him a long, long hug that lasted several minutes.


You know what I think takes courage? Being different. Are whole lives we crave acceptance. we wanna fit in, but wanna be different or special too. Well, being bi or gay is different, that's for sure, but eventually just BE it.

I struggle at times with different things and something I'm working on that is also different, being accepting and nice and respectful and loving. Yup, I'm a little jock kid who totally doesn't go with the crowd when they are ripping on people or making fun of some "thing" or some "one" and ya know what? Being a jockish nerd that runs with the "cool kids" that ain't easy. Or acceptable. I get ripped on for it. I get threatened to be beaten up for stepping in when someone is getting picked on (and I'm not a big person). Or made fun of for helping kids that are a few years younger than me, or giving my buddies a hug when they need it or want it. I get throttled for that and I don't care.

Do the same for girls, and it's viewed as great or Ima playa and to a lot of the girls, I'm "the sweetest guy or the best" - (it ain't all bad)

Ya know what I didn['t say to my buddy Rob? "that's cool" or "I'm cool with it" or "good for you". He wasn't looking for the all clear sign from me or checking to see if I'm okay with it. He needed acceptance we all do. Gay, Straight or Bi. We crave have. Gotta have it and it takes some balls to give it.

So Eric and Chris, I offer you this. My complete acceptance and brotherly love. That's all I got to give and you can have it all. And that's from the jockish, good student Christain kid that society says I should be hater.

Lemme give ya some love! (that's what i say when I hug anybody) so you guys get the electronic version, E-lov

-- Okay, I really gotta go find my Lacrosse gear for tryouts tomorrow or I'm gonna be runnin' around cupless or something.

Peace guys, and I mean it.
-mikey

I wish I knew people like you in real life. The words you have to say are truely amazing man. :yes:

[Biscuithead13]

that was truly genuine michael. you truly just changed my entire look on life ...i hope i can keep it
also i wish there were more people like u and that i could be like u....sadly i find myself to be a judgmental ass but i think thats from the 4 year span of which i was verbally and emotionally abused entyways ur awesome

lets change laughter into love

Lol (lots of love)

I agree man :) If you have anything you wanna talk about just let me know.

[Camazot]

lol theres too much in my life i couldnt bring it all out...but right now im stable and moving forward

[Liveoak]

Michael - what you wrote was amazing. I know that word is probably used too much now days, but I gotta say that everything you wrote hit me straight in the heart. We've all struggled and tried to adapt to a world that isn't always kind and how we react to situations and people it is the true measure of our being. You certainly have a profound gift for describing what both Chris and I are going through and I believed showed us a way to navigate through some potentially trecherous times. I will certainly take your words as an excellent source of direction for me and I know that they'll work wonders for me. Bottom line: Thank you very much for taking the time to offer your guidance. It is TRULY appreciated. The E-lov comes right back to you, my friend.

Chris - since you started this thread, I again offer my profound thanks for opening up and talking so openly about what's going on in your life. We are definitely on a very similar path. I believe that you have demonstrated a wider and perhaps broader evolution than I have in being honest with yourself, and for that I truly admire you. You being you provides me with both a goal and encouragement on how I can move forward confortably and without shame. Well done! As I stated before, it's a rarity that I read something so profound here on VT & I really look forward to talking and learning from you.

[Gordo]

Here's what I was thinkin' about for both of you (chris and eric).

For now, we have 3 labels to choose from. gay, st8 and bi. And you guys are interested in straight acting bi or gay guys. So, lets say the circle of straight guys you know something about is 50 guys and both of you is in each other's circle of friends that you see at school and your neighborhood.

So now with just the two of you being in the same circle, out of 50 straight there are actually 48 straight guys. And what if out of the remaining straight appearing guys, that 10 percent of 'em (5 guys) are actually bi or gay and anothr 10 percent of the straight acting guys (for evermore know as sags to save me typing), are in fact 100% straight. That leaves you with 40 guys and of those 40 guys, half of them would never consider acting on a same sex thought, but the other half would if the opportunity was there. So that's 20 more for you. I'm not saying that 50% of guys are gay, I'm saying that 50 percent would be willing to experiment, hang out, share their desire with you. And of those 25 guys, not all of them would have the confidence or be in the right place mentally to admit their curiosity, but, they'd understand it and not reject it if the conditions are right.

I think there is a lot more opportunity out there than people think because in a group setting, it's easy to hear, "that's gay" and have others chime in as you sit silently or maybe chime in. I think that some of the guys who chime in are doing that so they keep a good front of appearing straight, but internally know that if their best friend privately approached them with their curious leanings, they wouldn't reject it at all. -- I'm not saying that either one would be all down for bj right then, but, it'd be nice to know there are other guys out there, just like them/you. Going through the same thing, have someone to confide in so they don't feel so lonely and different and a little afraid.

Think of that all on it's own. Maybe think about it later and come back.

Okay, similar situation. You (chris) have 3 friends over, you're hanging in your room and the subject of what girls looked hot today comes up. You mentioned that you didn't say much. That coulda just been guy talk or maybe it was a test. And maybe you "pretty much" passed the test. You didn't lie or present yourself as staight or gay because you'ere in a period of your life where you aren't sure. So it took some courage to not say much. What if out you and your 3 friends, you're the most courageous at this time in your lives and one of your buddies is def straight, but of the other two, one might have some questions or doubt and is trying to ignore it and the other one has some questions and isn't ignoring it, but is afraid he's the only one in your whole grade that thinks about a bi side of himself, so to put up the best cover, he's over the top enthused about hot chick talk that day. Maybe he noticed your reaction, maybe he didn't. You're hopin' he did.

What if you were just a little, tiny bit, more noticable? He might be lookin for someone like himself, who is like you, who'd be open to a discrete more open relationship - so he's lookin for any subtle sign that he could ask you about privately some time, maybe by text for example. So what if next time, you make yourself more noticable by saying "ya know, I know she's hot looking, nice tits, ass, but she's not doing it for me lately.

With a statement like that, You aren't a runaway flamer, nor are you overly straight acting or neutral.

Then Chris/Eric, let's say one of your buds calls you out and says "what, she the hottest blah, blah, blah, whataya thinkin' are ya gay? You'd say, "well no, she's just not doing it for me today or this week and ya know what, idk, would ya care if I was gay or bi? Or would ya care if (insert name of another guy there) was bi? I wouldn't. I'm sick of all the hate. It just wears me out"

And then just drop it. Guarantee that the curious straight acting guy will take mental note of it and may or may not talk to you privately about it.

You can see how the whole exchange wouldn't be outing yourself. Maybe think of all that with out you being the guy saying it. You be you, like last time, just kinda quiet, but someone says what i just wrote. You'd think, that guys probably approachable, I'll keep my on him.

Let's say a guy said that in front of a homo phobe. what could he really say about it? The guy didn't say he was gay, he said wouldn't care if someone was gay. He didn't say he didn't like girls, he said "she's just not doin' it for me.

Okay, that took longer than I thought to type. What are your thoughts on that. I'll probably have to start a thread on side topics that came up relative to this post and your situation in general. I'll put it up in a blog and let ya know.

Man I'm wide awake and it's late.

-mikey

[Hugger]

Lol, you seem to be good at writing speeches. But, in all seriousness, I agree with you. In this world we just wanna fit in, when it can be seen as foolish (to me at least). Be yourself!
I'll take your advice into mind. Hopefully others see this and do the same.

[Biscuithead13]

Here's what I was thinkin' about for both of you (chris and eric).

For now, we have 3 labels to choose from. gay, st8 and bi. And you guys are interested in straight acting bi or gay guys. So, lets say the circle of straight guys you know something about is 50 guys and both of you is in each other's circle of friends that you see at school and your neighborhood.

So now with just the two of you being in the same circle, out of 50 straight there are actually 48 straight guys. And what if out of the remaining straight appearing guys, that 10 percent of 'em (5 guys) are actually bi or gay and anothr 10 percent of the straight acting guys (for evermore know as sags to save me typing), are in fact 100% straight. That leaves you with 40 guys and of those 40 guys, half of them would never consider acting on a same sex thought, but the other half would if the opportunity was there. So that's 20 more for you. I'm not saying that 50% of guys are gay, I'm saying that 50 percent would be willing to experiment, hang out, share their desire with you. And of those 25 guys, not all of them would have the confidence or be in the right place mentally to admit their curiosity, but, they'd understand it and not reject it if the conditions are right.

I think there is a lot more opportunity out there than people think because in a group setting, it's easy to hear, "that's gay" and have others chime in as you sit silently or maybe chime in. I think that some of the guys who chime in are doing that so they keep a good front of appearing straight, but internally know that if their best friend privately approached them with their curious leanings, they wouldn't reject it at all. -- I'm not saying that either one would be all down for bj right then, but, it'd be nice to know there are other guys out there, just like them/you. Going through the same thing, have someone to confide in so they don't feel so lonely and different and a little afraid.

Think of that all on it's own. Maybe think about it later and come back.

Okay, similar situation. You (chris) have 3 friends over, you're hanging in your room and the subject of what girls looked hot today comes up. You mentioned that you didn't say much. That coulda just been guy talk or maybe it was a test. And maybe you "pretty much" passed the test. You didn't lie or present yourself as staight or gay because you'ere in a period of your life where you aren't sure. So it took some courage to not say much. What if out you and your 3 friends, you're the most courageous at this time in your lives and one of your buddies is def straight, but of the other two, one might have some questions or doubt and is trying to ignore it and the other one has some questions and isn't ignoring it, but is afraid he's the only one in your whole grade that thinks about a bi side of himself, so to put up the best cover, he's over the top enthused about hot chick talk that day. Maybe he noticed your reaction, maybe he didn't. You're hopin' he did.

What if you were just a little, tiny bit, more noticable? He might be lookin for someone like himself, who is like you, who'd be open to a discrete more open relationship - so he's lookin for any subtle sign that he could ask you about privately some time, maybe by text for example. So what if next time, you make yourself more noticable by saying "ya know, I know she's hot looking, nice tits, ass, but she's not doing it for me lately.

With a statement like that, You aren't a runaway flamer, nor are you overly straight acting or neutral.

Then Chris/Eric, let's say one of your buds calls you out and says "what, she the hottest blah, blah, blah, whataya thinkin' are ya gay? You'd say, "well no, she's just not doing it for me today or this week and ya know what, idk, would ya care if I was gay or bi? Or would ya care if (insert name of another guy there) was bi? I wouldn't. I'm sick of all the hate. It just wears me out"

And then just drop it. Guarantee that the curious straight acting guy will take mental note of it and may or may not talk to you privately about it.

You can see how the whole exchange wouldn't be outing yourself. Maybe think of all that with out you being the guy saying it. You be you, like last time, just kinda quiet, but someone says what i just wrote. You'd think, that guys probably approachable, I'll keep my on him.

Let's say a guy said that in front of a homo phobe. what could he really say about it? The guy didn't say he was gay, he said wouldn't care if someone was gay. He didn't say he didn't like girls, he said "she's just not doin' it for me.

Okay, that took longer than I thought to type. What are your thoughts on that. I'll probably have to start a thread on side topics that came up relative to this post and your situation in general. I'll put it up in a blog and let ya know.

Man I'm wide awake and it's late.

-mikey

That really is some serious insight! I've never really thought about things that way, and it really makes me more open minded. I really appreciate all this! Your rock! :yeah:

[muddygrand]

Guess what, I am bi, but I act straight. Hell, I go mudding and rock crawling in Jeeps and trucks. You just need to get to know someone, and you will find someone who you like who likes you back with time. I am still looking!

[swimmerboy95]

I can honestly say thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting this. You completely put everything out there that I have been feeling and it helps me sooooo much. I just don't really understand girls. Im friends with them but I am not really at all sexually or emotionally attracted to them. I feel like the attraction I feel towards guys is gonna be here for good. I'm glad that there is a place like this where I can get this all out. Thank you again!
--Alex

[Donkey]

Please dont post in threads where the last post was over 2 months ago :locked2: