Spook
January 26th, 2012, 01:23 PM
I run my gloved hand along the sharp pickets of the fence as we walk. "I don't see why you have to go." I say looking up at Ryan. He shrugs. "The band needs me." He says, clenching and unclenching his jaw. I roll my eyes. "Well what about me?" I say, teasing his hair. He looks away. "I need to do things on my own sometimes." He says, blue eyes flashing. Something doesn't seem right about him. He looks nervous- sad. "Well I guess this is it." I say, as I shuffle up to my doorstep, pulling my trench coat tighter around me. I release my grip from his hand, and he looks up at me from beneath his brown bangs. "I'll miss you." I say. He nods. "Yeah." He says, then fumbles with his car keys. "I'll see you." He says, unlocking his sleek corvette.
I linger on my doorstep watching as he drives away, then go inside when the snowfall starts again. What was wrong with him? He was normally so cuddly, so open- he seemed so cold and disconnected today. He must be sad about moving though, of course. His band was going on tour, and I couldn't come because of my job here- it payed well. I tap my finger thoughtfully on my cocoa mug. I am startled out of my train of thought suddenly when the phone rings. It is Brooke. "Hey." She breathes into the phone. "Hi." I say, still drifting in the realms of my mind. "Did you guys get it on before the move? I mean, seriously." She says, giggling. I roll my eyes. "No." I say. "Oh, come on!!! When's the last time you two did anything romantic?" She says. I twirl my finger around the cord. "Um...our idea of romance is watching a movie in our pj's with a cold beer." I say, laughing lightly. I can almost hear her eye-roll.
My alarm goes off the next morning at five o'clock, and I grab my bags drowsily. I shove my key into the ignition of mom's car, and give the back of the thing three swift kicks before the engine growls to life. Stupid old station wagon. I set Boo, my white pomeranian in the passenger seat; and toss my skates into the back seat. I arrive at the community center a few minutes later, and leash Boo for his walk. I avoid the slushy grass, and let boo do his business in the woods while I watch a flock of birds fly in formation. I wonder where Ryan is right now, if he's thinking of me. I dwell too much on him, I think. Maybe I'm too clingy. Does he not like me anymore. I squeal as Boo kicks up his feet and snow is chucked into my face. I shake my hair out, and hit my hat against a tree. I don't get why dogs do that to cover up their mess. Grabbing Boo from his place tied against the tree, I head back to the car and grab my two heavy bags, first slinging my skates over Boo's neck.
We walk up to the front doors and I fumble with the keys with one hand, carrying my bags in the other. A blast of cold air hits us as we enter, the rink temperature set extra cold for the night. I mess with the thermostat, and go to the change rooms to put on my leotard. Nobody is here yet, all the offices are dark. As I change, I look out at the rink from the one-sided mirror. My eyes hit the seat in which Ryan would sit and watch as I taught my classes, laughing when one of the girls fell. I slip on my skates and make my way to the rink. I stop in my place though. Shit! Boo is on the skate rink, slipping and sliding; and crashing into the walls. "Boooo!!" I call, patting my knees to get his attention. He looks over at me, eyes dropped, and crouches guiltily. "Boo, NO!" I say, dashing over to the rink door as fast as the skates will take me. Too late. Boo has painted the ice yellow, and is now lumbering out the rink door on the opposite side. I growl, and grab the pitcher of water to wash it out. Stupid dog.
At nine, the girls are skating gleefully, darting in and out of the bright orange cones. I teach the advanced group at the community center. The other half of the girls watch carefully as I show them the spinning turn, bending my knee and sticking one leg artfully outwards. I snap my head back and forth, spotting in each turn with Ryan's usual seat. I see him there smiling as I dart across the fresh ice. At halftime, we rest when the zamboni comes to refresh the ice. I grab a hot chocolate from the stand, and check my cell phone. No new texts from Ryan.
At one in the afternoon, the new shifts are coming to take over. "Mari." My boss says, skating over to where I watch my class depart. "Hey, boss." I say. "Chantelle called out sick. Do you mind taking the next class?" He asks hopefully. "Sure." I say. I have nothing better to do, given that I usually spend my afternoons hanging out with Ryan. I massage my legs with lotion to relieve the skate chaps, and grab a sandwhich as I wait for the afternoon class. I look over as the door opens, and a tall blonde walks in with her arm wound around a young male's. I turn my attention back to the hockey players as they slam their pucks across the rink. The tall blonde stops in front of me. "Are you the tutor?" She asks. I nod, then look up at her. "That's me." I say. I look over at her boyfriend. "Are you ne...." I begin, but my breath cuts off. "Oh, that's just my boyfriend Ryan. Just thought I'd introduce myself. I'm the head skater here." She says, flipping her hair.
I stare at Ryan, mouth open. "Gee, Ryan. I didn't realize you're still in town." The blonde looks between us. "You guys' met?" She asks. "Oh, we've met." I say, not looking at her. "So, I didn't realize you're dating." I say hotly. Ryan flexes his jaw nervously. "Then allow me to introduce myself." I say, looking back at the blonde. "I'm Mari, Ryan's other girlfriend, and I am the head skater here. I say, cocking my head. Boo skips over and sniffs Ryan's hand. The blonde turns to Ryan. "You're dating that?" she hisses. "Excuse me, I'm not that, I am Mari. And you aren't taking my place as head skater. I win every year." I say. "Besides, haven't you heard that boss isn't holding auditions? He wants to keep me." I say snottily. The blonde stares at Ryan, ignoring my words.
Suddenly calming herself, the blonde straightens and says lightly, "I see how it is." Then briskly turns and walks out the front doors. I stare at Ryan, waiting. "I should go." he finally says. "You know what Ryan?" I say carefully. I want him to hurt. He deserves it. "I knew this would happen. You never meant anything to me, that's why I didn't want to go any farther with you. In life, there are no happy endings. You don't get your way in the end. Your precious blonde is gone, and I would never give a shit about you. I only pretended to like you because you have money. How does that feel for rejection, dick?" I say. I can't even really believe myself. Did that really come out of my mouth. Ryan backs up like I hit him.
His jaw flexes again. "You don't mean that." He says, flipping his hair. "You always liked me. You clung to me." He says. "You think you're such a badass." I say. "You're a loser. You deserve that Barbie." I say. Ryan looks pained. His expression makes me a little guilty. Ryan is silent, and he doesn't look at me. "You're right." He says. He looks up at me once, then walks slowly out the doors. I hear his tires squeal across the gravel, and I slump down against the wall. No happy endings. Not even for me. All of the sudden, I hear a huge crash, and the whole room rumbles. Bricks crack from the wall I lean against, and fragments rain down on me. I jump and slide across the floor, holding my hands over my head. I hear screams from the girls figure skating in the rink.
I run outside when the room is still again. Smoke rises from a bulky orange pickup truck, which has been bashed against the wall of the center. It's driver breathes quickly, fluffing the airbag down with his hands. I survey the rest of the lot, and then scream. Ryan's black corvette is smashed against a parked car, steaming. The entire driver's side and bumper are destroyed, and there are pieces lying on the other side of the lot. I go to the driver's side window, and pop the door open. I scream. Ryan is bleeding, head dropped over the steering wheel.
"Fuck! Ryan!!" I scream, lifting his chin. His eyes are open, staring; and tears drip down his chin. I drop his head back on the wheel, and sob. He's dead. He can't be dead. I hear sirens approaching in the distance, then an ambulance pulls in, and workers hop out. A man leads me away from the wreckage, tells me to go inside and calm the children. They have shockers and I hear the doctor shout "clear!" as they are wheeling Ryan to the ambulance. All my fault. My fault. I drop to the floor, and I cannot breathe.
"He didn't make it." The doctor says, hand on my shoulder. I curl up and sob into my jeans while I sit in the waiting room. "Please. Please." I say. "I'm sorry for your loss. We did all we could." The woman says, dropping her eyes. I nod, and I bury my head in my knees. "I know you aren't well right now, but the police want to talk to you while your memory is still fresh." I nod, wiping the tears from my cheeks. She helps me stand up, and I scuffle into the room. Ryan's gone, and it's my fault. I was the one who said it first.
There are no happy endings.
I linger on my doorstep watching as he drives away, then go inside when the snowfall starts again. What was wrong with him? He was normally so cuddly, so open- he seemed so cold and disconnected today. He must be sad about moving though, of course. His band was going on tour, and I couldn't come because of my job here- it payed well. I tap my finger thoughtfully on my cocoa mug. I am startled out of my train of thought suddenly when the phone rings. It is Brooke. "Hey." She breathes into the phone. "Hi." I say, still drifting in the realms of my mind. "Did you guys get it on before the move? I mean, seriously." She says, giggling. I roll my eyes. "No." I say. "Oh, come on!!! When's the last time you two did anything romantic?" She says. I twirl my finger around the cord. "Um...our idea of romance is watching a movie in our pj's with a cold beer." I say, laughing lightly. I can almost hear her eye-roll.
My alarm goes off the next morning at five o'clock, and I grab my bags drowsily. I shove my key into the ignition of mom's car, and give the back of the thing three swift kicks before the engine growls to life. Stupid old station wagon. I set Boo, my white pomeranian in the passenger seat; and toss my skates into the back seat. I arrive at the community center a few minutes later, and leash Boo for his walk. I avoid the slushy grass, and let boo do his business in the woods while I watch a flock of birds fly in formation. I wonder where Ryan is right now, if he's thinking of me. I dwell too much on him, I think. Maybe I'm too clingy. Does he not like me anymore. I squeal as Boo kicks up his feet and snow is chucked into my face. I shake my hair out, and hit my hat against a tree. I don't get why dogs do that to cover up their mess. Grabbing Boo from his place tied against the tree, I head back to the car and grab my two heavy bags, first slinging my skates over Boo's neck.
We walk up to the front doors and I fumble with the keys with one hand, carrying my bags in the other. A blast of cold air hits us as we enter, the rink temperature set extra cold for the night. I mess with the thermostat, and go to the change rooms to put on my leotard. Nobody is here yet, all the offices are dark. As I change, I look out at the rink from the one-sided mirror. My eyes hit the seat in which Ryan would sit and watch as I taught my classes, laughing when one of the girls fell. I slip on my skates and make my way to the rink. I stop in my place though. Shit! Boo is on the skate rink, slipping and sliding; and crashing into the walls. "Boooo!!" I call, patting my knees to get his attention. He looks over at me, eyes dropped, and crouches guiltily. "Boo, NO!" I say, dashing over to the rink door as fast as the skates will take me. Too late. Boo has painted the ice yellow, and is now lumbering out the rink door on the opposite side. I growl, and grab the pitcher of water to wash it out. Stupid dog.
At nine, the girls are skating gleefully, darting in and out of the bright orange cones. I teach the advanced group at the community center. The other half of the girls watch carefully as I show them the spinning turn, bending my knee and sticking one leg artfully outwards. I snap my head back and forth, spotting in each turn with Ryan's usual seat. I see him there smiling as I dart across the fresh ice. At halftime, we rest when the zamboni comes to refresh the ice. I grab a hot chocolate from the stand, and check my cell phone. No new texts from Ryan.
At one in the afternoon, the new shifts are coming to take over. "Mari." My boss says, skating over to where I watch my class depart. "Hey, boss." I say. "Chantelle called out sick. Do you mind taking the next class?" He asks hopefully. "Sure." I say. I have nothing better to do, given that I usually spend my afternoons hanging out with Ryan. I massage my legs with lotion to relieve the skate chaps, and grab a sandwhich as I wait for the afternoon class. I look over as the door opens, and a tall blonde walks in with her arm wound around a young male's. I turn my attention back to the hockey players as they slam their pucks across the rink. The tall blonde stops in front of me. "Are you the tutor?" She asks. I nod, then look up at her. "That's me." I say. I look over at her boyfriend. "Are you ne...." I begin, but my breath cuts off. "Oh, that's just my boyfriend Ryan. Just thought I'd introduce myself. I'm the head skater here." She says, flipping her hair.
I stare at Ryan, mouth open. "Gee, Ryan. I didn't realize you're still in town." The blonde looks between us. "You guys' met?" She asks. "Oh, we've met." I say, not looking at her. "So, I didn't realize you're dating." I say hotly. Ryan flexes his jaw nervously. "Then allow me to introduce myself." I say, looking back at the blonde. "I'm Mari, Ryan's other girlfriend, and I am the head skater here. I say, cocking my head. Boo skips over and sniffs Ryan's hand. The blonde turns to Ryan. "You're dating that?" she hisses. "Excuse me, I'm not that, I am Mari. And you aren't taking my place as head skater. I win every year." I say. "Besides, haven't you heard that boss isn't holding auditions? He wants to keep me." I say snottily. The blonde stares at Ryan, ignoring my words.
Suddenly calming herself, the blonde straightens and says lightly, "I see how it is." Then briskly turns and walks out the front doors. I stare at Ryan, waiting. "I should go." he finally says. "You know what Ryan?" I say carefully. I want him to hurt. He deserves it. "I knew this would happen. You never meant anything to me, that's why I didn't want to go any farther with you. In life, there are no happy endings. You don't get your way in the end. Your precious blonde is gone, and I would never give a shit about you. I only pretended to like you because you have money. How does that feel for rejection, dick?" I say. I can't even really believe myself. Did that really come out of my mouth. Ryan backs up like I hit him.
His jaw flexes again. "You don't mean that." He says, flipping his hair. "You always liked me. You clung to me." He says. "You think you're such a badass." I say. "You're a loser. You deserve that Barbie." I say. Ryan looks pained. His expression makes me a little guilty. Ryan is silent, and he doesn't look at me. "You're right." He says. He looks up at me once, then walks slowly out the doors. I hear his tires squeal across the gravel, and I slump down against the wall. No happy endings. Not even for me. All of the sudden, I hear a huge crash, and the whole room rumbles. Bricks crack from the wall I lean against, and fragments rain down on me. I jump and slide across the floor, holding my hands over my head. I hear screams from the girls figure skating in the rink.
I run outside when the room is still again. Smoke rises from a bulky orange pickup truck, which has been bashed against the wall of the center. It's driver breathes quickly, fluffing the airbag down with his hands. I survey the rest of the lot, and then scream. Ryan's black corvette is smashed against a parked car, steaming. The entire driver's side and bumper are destroyed, and there are pieces lying on the other side of the lot. I go to the driver's side window, and pop the door open. I scream. Ryan is bleeding, head dropped over the steering wheel.
"Fuck! Ryan!!" I scream, lifting his chin. His eyes are open, staring; and tears drip down his chin. I drop his head back on the wheel, and sob. He's dead. He can't be dead. I hear sirens approaching in the distance, then an ambulance pulls in, and workers hop out. A man leads me away from the wreckage, tells me to go inside and calm the children. They have shockers and I hear the doctor shout "clear!" as they are wheeling Ryan to the ambulance. All my fault. My fault. I drop to the floor, and I cannot breathe.
"He didn't make it." The doctor says, hand on my shoulder. I curl up and sob into my jeans while I sit in the waiting room. "Please. Please." I say. "I'm sorry for your loss. We did all we could." The woman says, dropping her eyes. I nod, and I bury my head in my knees. "I know you aren't well right now, but the police want to talk to you while your memory is still fresh." I nod, wiping the tears from my cheeks. She helps me stand up, and I scuffle into the room. Ryan's gone, and it's my fault. I was the one who said it first.
There are no happy endings.