Mother

[Princess Ariel]

For years my mother has slapped me across my face.
I wouldn't even do anything, and I'd find myself on the ground, holding my cheek.

I stood up to her last night, telling her what she was doing was very hurtful, I ended up being chased around the room and then being tripped.
I've ran away twice. Thinking of doing it again.

It's getting to the point when I'm putting foundation on the slap marks around my body.
It hurts me to much, and I can't ask her for anything because then she thinks I'm using her.

[Amaryllis]

Hey Casey. Firstly, I want you to know I really do empathise with you. I went through a time when foundation, concealers and tinted moisturisers were my best friends, too. (Oh use one'a those powder puff thingies that you lay over makeup. But careful - one time I got really sweaty during P.E. and the makeup just washed off.) Another good idea is using an ice pack, I kept one'a those that you just put in the fridge, it feels really nice.

Now that that's done and over with - onto your mental wellbeing. You have several choices her, dear:

1. Call a helpline anonymously.
2. Report it to the authorities.
3. Confront your mother in a different manner.
4. Run away from home and risk financial insecurities, crime, greater emotional instability, drug addiction and so on.
5. Be miserable.
6. Die but go through all those years of pain for nothing. And not have the chance to do everything you can in this life - travel, meet people, do things etc etc.
7. Talk to someone who's equipped to deal with this e.g. a counsellor.
8. Learn to cope.

There are many, many other choices out there for you. And it's pretty clear which of those are the ones that will be better for your wellbeing: Coping and reaching out.

I read in another thread of yours that you lost your father - it must've been difficult growing up without a daddy to love and care for you as he should. You've come a long way on your own, sweetpea.

Your mother has many of her own problems, her own anger, sadness, confusion and self-hate. And she seems to translate all of that onto you. It's very, very hard growing up with abusive parents. Often you just lay awake at night wishing someone would love you and make all the pain go away.

But Casey, unless you go to the authorities, she will be your mother. And even if you were taken from her - she would still be your mother. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I hate it - because I think I look like a monster, a rapist, a lunatic. Of course, that isn't me I'm seeing. At least not the second.

My point is, honey, not everything can be changed. And you cannot change what is outside of you - all you can do is change the only thing you can: You.

Learn to be patient, empathetic, to stay on your mother's good side. My mum had days when she adored me and days when she truly believed I was possessed and demonic, but I observed her triggers and learned when to shut up and speak up.

Sometimes they just explode on us and that's terrible when you have no idea what you did to deserve it. But unfortunately, some people just enjoy seeing other suffer, chin up, Casey. What happens when you stand up and face her? Does she cringe? What happens when you stay down? Does she leave you alone? Learn from every experience - however horrible it may be.

My mother used to -hate- it when I talked back, it would make her even more angry and I learned the hard way that I needed to shut up. My father likes it when I cry, sometimes I do so he'll be satisfied and sometimes I don't because that just turns him on even more. It depends on the situation.

You're unique, I can't speak for you. But you -will- survive. And you'll mature and learn some useful survival skills. Try to be happy, even though it's hard, because it is but do it, anyway.

If we make our decisions based solely upon the level of difficulty, we will not be the best we can possibly be.

[Princess Ariel]

What happens when you stand up and face her? Does she cringe? What happens when you stay down? Does she leave you alone? Learn from every experience - however horrible it may be.



I stand up to her on a day to day basis.
She just pulls me down, and makes me feel wothless..
She always goes to violence.
When I want to be alone, I get interogatted like a criminal.
When I want to be around her, She yells at me to get into my room.
Like I took a breath wrong.

[Quercus]

I read this thread... turned off my phone for alittle then had to come back to comment.. I guess ii just feel like a peice of crap not putting in my opinion.. but anyway. your mom has problems, and honestly needs to be punished for them. Do you have a gma or gpa? Tell them about it. If not call a hotline that deals in this.. or counsler at your school its wrong what she is doing, and it needs to stop. And your the only one that can start the process of stopping it.

I cant imagine this happening to me because i dont deal with people doing things like that for no reason. My mom is one of the most important things to me in the world, and.. i just couldnt imagine her doing it to me.
PM me if you ever need anything!

[monkeydo]

I agree that its not worth putting up with this and would seriously recommend calling a helpline or something. I've never been physically abused by a parent, but for a long time I felt like I wasn't good enough, especially for my father... as it turns out, it actually wasn't his fault and he later made it clear that he was proud of me no matter what. BUT what I'm saying is, besides the physical abuse, I know how important it is to feel that your parents are proud of you, and the way she never seems to be happy no matter what you do... I can understand how that must feel and it honestly makes me wanna cry here, because I think that sort of emotional hurt is even worse than anything physical. So I think something needs to be done to make her understand how much she's hurting you, and maybe the only thing that will open her eyes is something drastic?

It took me a long time to realise and understand that I am "good enough" and that parents aren't perfect. And I know it really hurts to feel like you're not good enough for the people you love even though you don't know why. So I guess I just want to say that you ARE good enough, even if you don't believe it yourself sometimes, and that you shouldn't let her problems make you feel bad about yourself. You are good enough! Believe it and be proud of yourself!!!

[SwaggLikeKeem]

Pray. try to talk your mom. Tell her you love her. Get a family member involved.

[Zeh Crazy]

Most would say that just slapping is harmless to a kid. This happened to me a lot when I was a kid until I got old enough to fight back. I still get angry and hurt when I think about it, so therefore I know it affects you later on in life. I would suggest talking to a school counselor and telling a friend or friend's parent about it. If it's possible, tell your dad to defend you and make him listen.

[DanielD210]

Ill be praying for you! What I would do is try to talk to your mom with anohter family member,friend, or police member. Explain to your mother how it hurts and what shes doing to you. maybe shes going through something. If you both truely love each other you will work it out! but youve got to do something to better yourself and mother! try praying Jesus will help you both PLEASE give us updates! =)

[Mortal Coil]

Cass, I'm really sorry you have to go through this, and can empathize.
What I would suggest is that you call an anonymous hotline. Talking to a counselor in person leads to the risk that your mother will find out, especially if you mention anything about SH because once the counselor thinks you're a danger to yourself or others, all confidentiality is moot.
You're a really strong person, and I totally believe that you can get through this. Lay low, just try to stay out of her way as much as possible. If you plan on running away, make sure you have a financial plan, won't get caught, etc.
I know that advice isn't much help since some of it is the exact same as what was said to me about my mother, but hopefully you can get through this.
When you get too angry to hold it back, punch something. Not her. Maybe yourself, or a pillow. Bite something, or- I don't condone this one, but we both know it works- cut.

[Desuetude]

Pray. try to talk your mom. Tell her you love her. Get a family member involved.

That's not very helpful to be honest the reason that this has been posted is because her mum slaps her and makes her feel like shit. Casey CANT have a decent conversation because she won't listing and after all that's happened I don't think she will be saying I love you any time soon either.

Cass, I'm really sorry you have to go through this, and can empathize.
What I would suggest is that you call an anonymous hotline. Talking to a counselor in person leads to the risk that your mother will find out, especially if you mention anything about SH because once the counselor thinks you're a danger to yourself or others, all confidentiality is moot.
You're a really strong person, and I totally believe that you can get through this. Lay low, just try to stay out of her way as much as possible. If you plan on running away, make sure you have a financial plan, won't get caught, etc.
I know that advice isn't much help since some of it is the exact same as what was said to me about my mother, but hopefully you can get through this.
When you get too angry to hold it back, punch something. Not her. Maybe yourself, or a pillow. Bite something, or- I don't condone this one, but we both know it works- cut.

I think this is some of the best advice you will get but the only thing I ave a problem with is the end. There is no need to punch yourself and I know cutting is the easy option but please just try and do everything you can first before you resort to that.
I don't have much else to add but to keep going, just think about the future and what it will be like when you never have to see her again. Maybe just try and stay out of the house as much as possible, take long walks hopefully it will clear your mind and take your mind off cutting as well.

[monkeydo]

Maybe yourself, or a pillow. Bite something, or- I don't condone this one, but we both know it works- cut.

Sorry, also strongly disagree on punching or cutting yourself. Even if it does take your mind off it or provide a temporary outlet or whatever, its harmful (not just physically but also mentally) and really doesn't achieve anything.

[Caver]

Aww! tell someone.
No one deserves to be slapped - even if you done something wrong!
Do not carry on like this.
Be strong and tell someone before its too late!
Running away isn't an answer; when you come back she'll have a reason to be cross and slap you.

[Desuetude]

Running away isn't an answer; when you come back she'll have a reason to be cross and slap you.

The point of running away is to never come back but yeah i dont think that would be to helpful, just think about how you would survive, how would you get food and money, how would you get a job, where would you live.
Running away is definitly not the answer, but not for that reason.

[Auzzie 94]

Most would say that just slapping is harmless to a kid. This happened to me a lot when I was a kid until I got old enough to fight back. I still get angry and hurt when I think about it, so therefore I know it affects you later on in life. I would suggest talking to a school counselor and telling a friend or friend's parent about it. If it's possible, tell your dad to defend you and make him listen.

Many European parents (here in Australia) smack their kids with belts, wooden spoons etc. My Parents took a different approach to discipline, at first my Dad would smack me on the thigh or bottom as a kid.. when I got to like 10 he'd smack abit harder.. then after that if I did something bad or was a smart arse to him or my Mum he'd use the belt. Every time he'd smack me with the belt when I fucked up or was being smart/talking back towards him he'd say "Nikolas, you're lucky that I don't do what my Father did to me. When I was little he used to smack me with the belt as well, but he would use the buckle, and it would hurt alot. After that.. I learned never to back chat him and respect him because he's my Dad and he loves me and just wants me to be a good boy so I will grow up to be a good person", My Mum on the other hand was opposed to hitting and would always say to my Dad "Ivan, you can't hit the kids (talking about me and my sister) when they do something wrong. Try taking some of their things away when they muck up or tell them you won't take them somewhere fun or something" but her style of discipline didn't work on me or my sister and didn't work my younger brother when he was growing up. The only thing that worked for me was smacking, my sister.. got away with back chatting and being a little bitch to everyone, since.. she's a girl. Hitting kids is a tough subject, where do you draw the line? What is too much? What is too hard? When is enough? My Dad told me a story where his Dad was working out the back of their house in Germany and my Dad and his brother were fighting... my Dad was 14 and his brother was 7 and my Dad's Dad got angry at my Dad for punching his little brother and my Dad's Dad told him to stop and go inside.. my Dad.. told him to "fuck off" and my Dad's Dad said "WHAT? I AM YOUR FATHER" and didn't realise that he had a saw in his hand and he smacked my Dad across the back of the thigh with the saw but at the last second he realised.. and tried to pull back to lessen the impact.. but it still cut deep. My Dad said that really woke him up and stopped him for mucking up or talking back... My Dad's Mum who worked as a cleaner in the local hospital over there in Germany wasn't home but when she got home she saw my Dad with stitches in his leg and cried asking what happened she was panicing and my Dad said "I was climbing a fence and cut myself"... thankfully she believed him. My Dad's Dad was pretty upset that he got that angry and frustrated that he lost it and hit him with a damn saw LOL. That kinda.. accident.. was the last time my Dad ever was hit by his Dad because my Dad just behaved from that day on. Worst thing I've been hit with by my Dad was a piece of wood when my Uncle was building his house I was chucking rocks and my Dad told me to stop and I said "Kiss my arse" (I was like.. 8 or something at the time) and he smacked me with this long piece of timber, hurt so much.. left a bruise and a red mark... but I learned my lesson and hardly misbehaved again. I'm not condoning hitting your kids, I'm just telling my story and telling you guys how "hitting" really put me into line and put my Father into line when he was a boy. What happened to you though is bs.. approach your Mum and tell her hitting you on your face isn't right. In Australia these days it is only legal to hit your kid with an open hand and it has to be below the shoulders (you obviously can't hit their genitals...) but a slap on the arm is okay here, a slap on the back, a slap on the back of the thigh/buttocks and yeah.. on the face.. is not legal here.. you can get charged for child abuse.. If I was you I would approach your Mum about it.. tell her it's not right, tell her if she does it again you'll defend yourself, or you'll tell the authorities (COPS) and make a report for future reference. That might make her think twice before slapping you ever again. I'll tell you what.. if my Dad ever hit me in the face when I was growing up (10+) I wouldn't hesitate the slightest bit to hook him back and break his jaw. I DON'T condone hitting on the face at all.. unless your Mum slaps you for calling her a "slut" or a "bitch" then that's fair enough since you shouldn't call any woman that let alone your Mum. I've only ever been slapped for saying something completely seedy infront of my Mum... I brought a girlfriend home for dinner.. I think last year it was. And after dinner my Mum said "She's cute, she's very nice" and I said "Yeah but she's a real bitch, lucky she's good at what counts" and she slapped me lmao.. but I deserved it.. I realised what I said was really rude and I even apologised for saying that to my Mum.

[Thebrat217]

I wouldnt put up with it and neither should u so i would stand my ground no matter how much she hit me and id call child protective servises or just the police