Vaulter
January 23rd, 2012, 10:10 PM
I didn't realize the title would sound a bit wrong until I typed it, but I'm going to leave it that way just for fun. I'm watching a movie as I type this, so hopefully it all makes sense, most of it will just be sort of stream of conscious.
So a little background, last time I was active on here I was really depressed. Looking back I feel bad for the people around me because of it, you don't notice the support you have until the moment you needed it is long past. Things are all better now, maybe it was hormones, coupled with being a stupid kid (still am one) but things are looking up now.
But there's this thing I've been dealing with, and I call it a thing because it's not really a phobia like some people call it, but I absolutely hate being touched. I don't really know why (according to my first year college psychology class its a fear of intimacy, which sort of sounds right) but it seems to have like, set parameters of when I don't like it.
When I don't make the first move. IE a girl puts her arm around my waist before I put mine around hers, or a girl reaches out to hold my hand, or even put her hand on my arm or something, I end up jumping a bit and just freaking out slightly.
When a hug goes too long or gets too "intimate". I don't mind hugging (except as like before, if the other person comes in first, for example someone hugging me from behind over the shoulders I freak out) but just a hug is fine, unless it goes too long then I start getting nervous. Or a friend of mine knows that I hate it so he'll give me a goodbye hug or something as a joke and then suddenly inhale deeply like he's smelling me and I can feel my body freak. Its not a homophobic thing cause it happens with girls too, he just uses it to annoy me.
PDA in public in general I dont like to be involved in, holding hands, making out, cuddling in public, it bothers me to do. Thats the other wierd part to all this, I love it when were at home on the couch all snuggled together, or in a movie theater and a girl cuddles up to me (I know, theaters are public, none of this makes sense to me though), but in true public I get shaky.
People tap me on the shoulder, or grab my arm to get attention and i jump, or one time a girl tickled me from behind and I almost broke her arm (lots of martial arts training combined with this innate "fear" of being touched, I just reacted without thinking)
Is this normal for anybody else? I just don't know cause my friends all think I'm crazy when I tell them not to touch me. (its ruined a fair share of dates too, with girls who didn't know, but that doesn't really matter)
So a little background, last time I was active on here I was really depressed. Looking back I feel bad for the people around me because of it, you don't notice the support you have until the moment you needed it is long past. Things are all better now, maybe it was hormones, coupled with being a stupid kid (still am one) but things are looking up now.
But there's this thing I've been dealing with, and I call it a thing because it's not really a phobia like some people call it, but I absolutely hate being touched. I don't really know why (according to my first year college psychology class its a fear of intimacy, which sort of sounds right) but it seems to have like, set parameters of when I don't like it.
When I don't make the first move. IE a girl puts her arm around my waist before I put mine around hers, or a girl reaches out to hold my hand, or even put her hand on my arm or something, I end up jumping a bit and just freaking out slightly.
When a hug goes too long or gets too "intimate". I don't mind hugging (except as like before, if the other person comes in first, for example someone hugging me from behind over the shoulders I freak out) but just a hug is fine, unless it goes too long then I start getting nervous. Or a friend of mine knows that I hate it so he'll give me a goodbye hug or something as a joke and then suddenly inhale deeply like he's smelling me and I can feel my body freak. Its not a homophobic thing cause it happens with girls too, he just uses it to annoy me.
PDA in public in general I dont like to be involved in, holding hands, making out, cuddling in public, it bothers me to do. Thats the other wierd part to all this, I love it when were at home on the couch all snuggled together, or in a movie theater and a girl cuddles up to me (I know, theaters are public, none of this makes sense to me though), but in true public I get shaky.
People tap me on the shoulder, or grab my arm to get attention and i jump, or one time a girl tickled me from behind and I almost broke her arm (lots of martial arts training combined with this innate "fear" of being touched, I just reacted without thinking)
Is this normal for anybody else? I just don't know cause my friends all think I'm crazy when I tell them not to touch me. (its ruined a fair share of dates too, with girls who didn't know, but that doesn't really matter)