Just my story

[sanoidtsuj]

Hello.

This post is just me telling my story, because I just need to tell it to someone and I can't just simply keep it inside anymore. I'm not really asking for answers or solutions, but if someone only wasted couple minutes from his/her life, I would be so taken.

I'm 16 year old boy from Finland.

My story is very typical; i was bullied for 9 years. From the 1st grade. I suppose that ruined my self-respect (not sure if that is the right word, but I believe you understand what I mean) in the first place. This year I started high school, however, and I actually haven't been bullied anymore. cool.

Bullying wasn't the big deal. It was the typical: penis size. Now please don't tell me that it is not a big deal or it doesn't have to affect my life in any way. Not true. I can tell you 100% sure that I'm smaller than others. But how it affected my life.. well it's been a living hell for me personally.

I don't know where to start. Well.. first of all I've never had really close friends, because I'm afraid they want to go swimming in the summer or something else and I just couldn't do that ever. So I've been pretty much alone. What's even worse is that I purposely fight with my parents to keep our relationship distant so that I don't have to go with them to 'sauna' if you know what that is. Same things with relatives and pretty much everyone in my life. It's so hard to describe in words it how it feels to purposely stay distant from everyone when you actually are very social person and like to talk deeply and such.

Let's continue.. I've decided I can't ever have a girlfriend or be married or have a family. That idea has been in my head for few years now and I get these feelings of great sadness when I see my older brother with his girlfriend happily or some random couple on the street. It's like getting stabbed to heart. And besides it pisses me how bad marriages there are nowadays, how couples don't respect each other. I bet I would be a very loving and caring husband anytime, because I know what it feels when people care for you.. or doesn't.

School's PE classes make me feel so sad to see a normal boy next to me. I can't describe that feeling either, english is also a foreign language for me which doesn't help. Usually after PE I feel broken, but the worst part it that when I would like to run and cry or die, I just have to get that smile on my face, because I want to smile for people. It makes them happy. But it's so exhausting when you are sad and you have to look happy. But again, I always try to be happy and lie if it helps others.

Moving on. I've had to give up many trips to Europe and other places in the world with my family because of my problem. Also I wanted to be an exchange student next year, but I gave up on that too. And about future, I need to escape my family and relatives because of my problem. So I'm gonna move to live America when I'm older. Otherwise life would be so stressful with all those people near me. How could I say no when they want to go to beach or something. They would just suspect something.

Hopefully that was all about that thing. It's not the end of the story however. I could probably cope somehow with all I said above, if I was somehow special. I always wanted to be special. And for many years I thought I was. I thought I was musical. I've been playing flute for 3 and a half years now. But I have realised that I can't sing, I don't have melodyear at all. Well yes I have some, but not that special. I actually did proceed kinda fast in playing flute, but not anymore. My family thinks I'm really really special but they look subjective. And I can't stand that thought anymore. So I need to give up that really dear hobby and I will do that probably this spring.

Now if you add this all up you can have a small part of my everyday life. Of course it's very hard to understand only by reading and I can't describe it that well. Nowadays I get those attacks where I just get on the floor and almost cry my eyes out every other day. And I can't talk about this anguish to anyone in real life. If I could've killed myself in some easy way, I wouldn't live anymore. Also I often think about my funeral; would anyone cry there? Would they miss me? Would there be something they would never get anymore if I wasn't around?

I want to say for all the people who read this: thank you for reading. It means so much for me to know that there still is someone that cares. And I know there are maybe much bigger problems for others like cancer for example. But this is my life and I don't wanna compare it. My life is just too hard to live at the moment.

Take care

[trooneh]

Hello.

This post is just me telling my story, because I just need to tell it to someone and I can't just simply keep it inside anymore. I'm not really asking for answers or solutions, but if someone only wasted couple minutes from his/her life, I would be so taken.

I'm 16 year old boy from Finland.

My story is very typical; i was bullied for 9 years. From the 1st grade. I suppose that ruined my self-respect (not sure if that is the right word, but I believe you understand what I mean) in the first place. This year I started high school, however, and I actually haven't been bullied anymore. cool.

Bullying wasn't the big deal. It was the typical: penis size. Now please don't tell me that it is not a big deal or it doesn't have to affect my life in any way. Not true. I can tell you 100% sure that I'm smaller than others. But how it affected my life.. well it's been a living hell for me personally.

I don't know where to start. Well.. first of all I've never had really close friends, because I'm afraid they want to go swimming in the summer or something else and I just couldn't do that ever. So I've been pretty much alone. What's even worse is that I purposely fight with my parents to keep our relationship distant so that I don't have to go with them to 'sauna' if you know what that is. Same things with relatives and pretty much everyone in my life. It's so hard to describe in words it how it feels to purposely stay distant from everyone when you actually are very social person and like to talk deeply and such.

Let's continue.. I've decided I can't ever have a girlfriend or be married or have a family. That idea has been in my head for few years now and I get these feelings of great sadness when I see my older brother with his girlfriend happily or some random couple on the street. It's like getting stabbed to heart. And besides it pisses me how bad marriages there are nowadays, how couples don't respect each other. I bet I would be a very loving and caring husband anytime, because I know what it feels when people care for you.. or doesn't.

School's PE classes make me feel so sad to see a normal boy next to me. I can't describe that feeling either, english is also a foreign language for me which doesn't help. Usually after PE I feel broken, but the worst part it that when I would like to run and cry or die, I just have to get that smile on my face, because I want to smile for people. It makes them happy. But it's so exhausting when you are sad and you have to look happy. But again, I always try to be happy and lie if it helps others.

Moving on. I've had to give up many trips to Europe and other places in the world with my family because of my problem. Also I wanted to be an exchange student next year, but I gave up on that too. And about future, I need to escape my family and relatives because of my problem. So I'm gonna move to live America when I'm older. Otherwise life would be so stressful with all those people near me. How could I say no when they want to go to beach or something. They would just suspect something.

Hopefully that was all about that thing. It's not the end of the story however. I could probably cope somehow with all I said above, if I was somehow special. I always wanted to be special. And for many years I thought I was. I thought I was musical. I've been playing flute for 3 and a half years now. But I have realised that I can't sing, I don't have melodyear at all. Well yes I have some, but not that special. I actually did proceed kinda fast in playing flute, but not anymore. My family thinks I'm really really special but they look subjective. And I can't stand that thought anymore. So I need to give up that really dear hobby and I will do that probably this spring.

Now if you add this all up you can have a small part of my everyday life. Of course it's very hard to understand only by reading and I can't describe it that well. Nowadays I get those attacks where I just get on the floor and almost cry my eyes out every other day. And I can't talk about this anguish to anyone in real life. If I could've killed myself in some easy way, I wouldn't live anymore. Also I often think about my funeral; would anyone cry there? Would they miss me? Would there be something they would never get anymore if I wasn't around?

I want to say for all the people who read this: thank you for reading. It means so much for me to know that there still is someone that cares. And I know there are maybe much bigger problems for others like cancer for example. But this is my life and I don't wanna compare it. My life is just too hard to live at the moment.

Take care

Hey buddy,

After reading all of this, from what I can tell, you're ashamed about your penis size, feeling that it is too small. That is medically called a micropenis. It is a treatable condition, with various methods such as testosterone treatment and surgery. However, that is not the only thing.

If you believe that your penis size affects everything, then you are wrong. It is a small part of you, and in no way indicates that you are any less of a person than the boy next to you. Your penis does not affect your personality, and in fact, if you are over approximately 3.5 inches, then you should still be able to pleasure a girl. If not, the aforementioned treatments might be able to help. That's not what's important, though.

What's important is that you have a great heart. You put a smile on your face only to help others have a better day. That should matter more to people than something superficial and physical. If your family does not accept you regardless of your penis, then to be honest, they're not a very good family.

For the flute, don't give up something you enjoy. A hobby does not need to become a career, you can still do it because you enjoy it. Your own views are also subjective, don't forget, because of your negative views of yourself. Perhaps you are quite good.

About people not noticing if you died, or crying at your funeral, I promise you that you are wrong. There are always people that care, including people that perhaps you did not think cared at first. You're a very good person from reading your post, I'm sure you've helped plenty of people that would miss you if you were gone.

You have the ability to live a fulfilling life, and if you are this insecure about your penis size, talk to you general practitioner about it. Ask if anything can be done. You do not have to suffer through this without trying to get help.

If you need anything else, feel free to leave me a VM or reply to this post.

Sean :)

[Jupiter]

Hello.

This post is just me telling my story, because I just need to tell it to someone and I can't just simply keep it inside anymore. I'm not really asking for answers or solutions, but if someone only wasted couple minutes from his/her life, I would be so taken.

I'm 16 year old boy from Finland.

Hey buddy. Seems like you came to the right place. VirtualTeen is a place for every person to get answers or solutions, or maybe just reassurance. We're glad you came to join out nice little group of people. I was in a lot of emotional trouble when I joined here. Now I can help.

I'm a 14 year old boy from USA.

My story is very typical; i was bullied for 9 years. From the 1st grade. I suppose that ruined my self-respect (not sure if that is the right word, but I believe you understand what I mean) in the first place. This year I started high school, however, and I actually haven't been bullied anymore. cool.

Well, actually, this isn't very typical. In fact, that's pretty sad. I'm so sorry this happened to you. If I could do anything to take away the pain, I sure as heck would. I think it might have ruined SOME respect for yourself, but honestly, the only person who can do that is you, and also that is the only person who can give yourself the respect you want, sometimes.

Bullying wasn't the big deal. It was the typical: penis size. Now please don't tell me that it is not a big deal or it doesn't have to affect my life in any way. Not true. I can tell you 100% sure that I'm smaller than others. But how it affected my life.. well it's been a living hell for me personally.

Ya know what, actually, penis size doesn't matter. It isn't the only thing that affected your life. But anyway.

I don't know where to start. Well.. first of all I've never had really close friends, because I'm afraid they want to go swimming in the summer or something else and I just couldn't do that ever. So I've been pretty much alone. What's even worse is that I purposely fight with my parents to keep our relationship distant so that I don't have to go with them to 'sauna' if you know what that is. Same things with relatives and pretty much everyone in my life. It's so hard to describe in words it how it feels to purposely stay distant from everyone when you actually are very social person and like to talk deeply and such.

I do know what a sauna is. However, I am very intrigued about why it matters about your penis size. I mean, if it's humungous, big deal, if it isn't big deal, ya know? Penis size is honestly over rated it you ask me, but, I mean, how could you be 100% that you are smaller than the rest if you haven't ever been told you're small in the first place.

Let's continue.. I've decided I can't ever have a girlfriend or be married or have a family. That idea has been in my head for few years now and I get these feelings of great sadness when I see my older brother with his girlfriend happily or some random couple on the street. It's like getting stabbed to heart. And besides it pisses me how bad marriages there are nowadays, how couples don't respect each other. I bet I would be a very loving and caring husband anytime, because I know what it feels when people care for you.. or doesn't.

Of course you can have a family. Just because you have one fault, doesn't mean that you have to give up what you love.

School's PE classes make me feel so sad to see a normal boy next to me. I can't describe that feeling either, english is also a foreign language for me which doesn't help. Usually after PE I feel broken, but the worst part it that when I would like to run and cry or die, I just have to get that smile on my face, because I want to smile for people. It makes them happy. But it's so exhausting when you are sad and you have to look happy. But again, I always try to be happy and lie if it helps others.

I know what it's like to keep a smile on your face when you're dying inside, trust me, I do. It is exhausting, when you try to keep others happy while covering up your sorrow. But, it gets better.

Moving on. I've had to give up many trips to Europe and other places in the world with my family because of my problem. Also I wanted to be an exchange student next year, but I gave up on that too. And about future, I need to escape my family and relatives because of my problem. So I'm gonna move to live America when I'm older. Otherwise life would be so stressful with all those people near me. How could I say no when they want to go to beach or something. They would just suspect something.

So, your problem is even a secret to your family? I noticed "tooneh" told you that it is treatable, maybe speak about it to your dad. Maybe he knows already, and maybe he even has the issue.

Hopefully that was all about that thing. It's not the end of the story however. I could probably cope somehow with all I said above, if I was somehow special. I always wanted to be special. And for many years I thought I was. I thought I was musical. I've been playing flute for 3 and a half years now. But I have realised that I can't sing, I don't have melodyear at all. Well yes I have some, but not that special. I actually did proceed kinda fast in playing flute, but not anymore. My family thinks I'm really really special but they look subjective. And I can't stand that thought anymore. So I need to give up that really dear hobby and I will do that probably this spring.

Oh, you play flute? I play French Horn, and I know what it is like to have a passion for an instrument. I never could sing, until I took lessons. I couldn't hold a part for my life, however, I loved it. My family would yell at me, and I would always be in the shadow of my sister, the singer. Don't give up what you love. You might regret that.


Now if you add this all up you can have a small part of my everyday life. Of course it's very hard to understand only by reading and I can't describe it that well. Nowadays I get those attacks where I just get on the floor and almost cry my eyes out every other day. And I can't talk about this anguish to anyone in real life. If I could've killed myself in some easy way, I wouldn't live anymore. Also I often think about my funeral; would anyone cry there? Would they miss me? Would there be something they would never get anymore if I wasn't around?

Those attacks? That may be some sort of anxiety. I used to cry everyday, buddy. Like I said, that was before I became an active member.

Your funeral? Of course people would cry. Many more than you may know. Would they miss you? OF COURSE! What would they miss in your life? I'm sure that there is always something that they would miss out of you.

I want to say for all the people who read this: thank you for reading. It means so much for me to know that there still is someone that cares. And I know there are maybe much bigger problems for others like cancer for example. But this is my life and I don't wanna compare it. My life is just too hard to live at the moment.

Take care

Dude, I cannot express how much this actually spoke out to me around the end. It sounded like me, a kid, not knowing what's going on, not thinking that anyone cares. Trust me, many people do. It was my pleasure to talk to you, and if you ever need to reach me, I'm right here.

[StoppingTime]

Others have already answered, but I just want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you.

Now...
Hello.

This post is just me telling my story, because I just need to tell it to someone and I can't just simply keep it inside anymore. I'm not really asking for answers or solutions, but if someone only wasted couple minutes from his/her life, I would be so taken.

Don't put yourself down like this. There are people in life who care for you, they do and they will.
And you have definitely come to the right place for help.


I'm 16 year old boy from Finland.

My story is very typical; i was bullied for 9 years. From the 1st grade. I suppose that ruined my self-respect (not sure if that is the right word, but I believe you understand what I mean) in the first place. This year I started high school, however, and I actually haven't been bullied anymore. cool.

I understand. They made you feel worthless, like you did not belong, etc... And of course, they are wrong in every way.
They pick on you to take the spotlight off themselves, sometimes, unknowingly. Regardless, don't take what they said personally. You know who really is right, and who just wants to make themselves look good.
Like Eric said, you can feel good about yourself again. Those horrible things are in the past, they were wrong, and what was said was untrue.
Think about all your amazing qualities, and how you are so much better than they said.


Bullying wasn't the big deal. It was the typical: penis size. Now please don't tell me that it is not a big deal or it doesn't have to affect my life in any way. Not true. I can tell you 100% sure that I'm smaller than others. But how it affected my life.. well it's been a living hell for me personally.

Well, there are two possibilities here. One, you may just be a late bloomer, which means you start puberty later than "average". If this is the case, then all there is to do is wait, it'll happen eventually.

The other possibility, like Sean said, is a micropenis. Like he said, it is fixable, and you can talk to a doctor about it.



I don't know where to start. Well.. first of all I've never had really close friends, because I'm afraid they want to go swimming in the summer or something else and I just couldn't do that ever. So I've been pretty much alone. What's even worse is that I purposely fight with my parents to keep our relationship distant so that I don't have to go with them to 'sauna' if you know what that is. Same things with relatives and pretty much everyone in my life. It's so hard to describe in words it how it feels to purposely stay distant from everyone when you actually are very social person and like to talk deeply and such.

I do not know what a "sauna" is, but like Eric said, I find that penis size is kind of overrated. Sure, some people get lucky, others, not as much. When you find the person for you, they won't care what you look like.


Let's continue.. I've decided I can't ever have a girlfriend or be married or have a family. That idea has been in my head for few years now and I get these feelings of great sadness when I see my older brother with his girlfriend happily or some random couple on the street. It's like getting stabbed to heart. And besides it pisses me how bad marriages there are nowadays, how couples don't respect each other. I bet I would be a very loving and caring husband anytime, because I know what it feels when people care for you.. or doesn't.

There are times in everyone's life when we think there is no future for us. I'm sure you would make a great husband.
Now, why exactly do you feel you aren't "worthy" of someone else in your life? Of course you are. You are jsut as entitled as your brother, or anyone else.
I think this may lead back to how you were treated as a kid, and the after effects it caused. Just remember, you are not a burden to anyone, your family is there (I hope) for you. They'd do anything for you, even if it seems hard to believe.
And I really think there is someone out there for you, just waiting.
On a side note...
You are right about marriage today. There are plenty of couples who really don't love each other. They just "want to be married", as they say. But if you do things right, and you will, you'll find you will feel much better than those peopel.



School's PE classes make me feel so sad to see a normal boy next to me. I can't describe that feeling either, english is also a foreign language for me which doesn't help. Usually after PE I feel broken, but the worst part it that when I would like to run and cry or die, I just have to get that smile on my face, because I want to smile for people. It makes them happy. But it's so exhausting when you are sad and you have to look happy. But again, I always try to be happy and lie if it helps others.

I know how you feel. Pretend to be the happiest guy, but really, its the exact opposite.
I can relate to this personally actually. To you, someone else may be "normal". But what is normal? A majority? What people think is best? There is "average", but I don't really think there is a "normal".
It is hard though not to feel like everyone else, for whatever reason. But I can bet that most of them are thinking the very same thing. They are the odd one out for whatever reason, and everyone else is "normal" in their mind".
You don't want to feel like you slow anyone down, I understand completely. I always want to be there for everyone, but if someone wants to help me, I usually don't want them to; I feel like I'm bothering them.

And you speak amazing English!


Moving on. I've had to give up many trips to Europe and other places in the world with my family because of my problem. Also I wanted to be an exchange student next year, but I gave up on that too. And about future, I need to escape my family and relatives because of my problem. So I'm gonna move to live America when I'm older. Otherwise life would be so stressful with all those people near me. How could I say no when they want to go to beach or something. They would just suspect something.

I know what you mean. You seem to think (correct me if I'm wrong), that you slow them down. Trust me, you don't. They would have no reason to dislike you as a person, at all. You sound very respectful and kind, I doubt they wouldn't want you around with them.


Hopefully that was all about that thing. It's not the end of the story however. I could probably cope somehow with all I said above, if I was somehow special. I always wanted to be special. And for many years I thought I was. I thought I was musical. I've been playing flute for 3 and a half years now. But I have realised that I can't sing, I don't have melodyear at all. Well yes I have some, but not that special. I actually did proceed kinda fast in playing flute, but not anymore. My family thinks I'm really really special but they look subjective. And I can't stand that thought anymore. So I need to give up that really dear hobby and I will do that probably this spring.

Overused quote ahead: Everyone does have something special about them. Playing any musical instrument for that long during teen years is impressive. I haven't been able to stick with an instrument for more than a year and a half at most. You do have talent, you are special. Like I said, everyone judges themselves much harsher than they judge others. You think because you aren't as good as something as someone else, you're worthless. You aren't. You are just as good, if not better, for believing in yourself. And at the end of the day, that's what you need. To believe in yourself. You are good, you are special, never judge yourself so harshly.


Now if you add this all up you can have a small part of my everyday life. Of course it's very hard to understand only by reading and I can't describe it that well. Nowadays I get those attacks where I just get on the floor and almost cry my eyes out every other day. And I can't talk about this anguish to anyone in real life. If I could've killed myself in some easy way, I wouldn't live anymore. Also I often think about my funeral; would anyone cry there? Would they miss me? Would there be something they would never get anymore if I wasn't around?

This is a very common question. If I passed, would anyone care? Of course they would. You have no idea how much you mean to people. It may not seem it, but you really do. Everyone thinks of themselves like they could always do so much more, and if they don't, they are failures. But you aren't.
This sounds like some kind of depression, and just talking helps. Here, in your life, or just writing thoughts to yourself.


I want to say for all the people who read this: thank you for reading. It means so much for me to know that there still is someone that cares. And I know there are maybe much bigger problems for others like cancer for example. But this is my life and I don't wanna compare it. My life is just too hard to live at the moment.
Take care

I always feel like this. "My problems are nothing compared to others, why should anyone care about me?"
But we really do, and people in your life do.
There will always be people to help you, even when you feel like it is not possible.
I hope you will continue to keep us updated, we do care, we are here for you, and I'm sure there are people in your life that are as well.


Good luck :hug: and if you ever need anything, never hesitate to post exactly how you feel.

~Steven.

[Spook]

Hello.

This post is just me telling my story, because I just need to tell it to someone and I can't just simply keep it inside anymore. I'm not really asking for answers or solutions, but if someone only wasted couple minutes from his/her life, I would be so taken.

I'm 16 year old boy from Finland.

My story is very typical; i was bullied for 9 years. From the 1st grade. I suppose that ruined my self-respect (not sure if that is the right word, but I believe you understand what I mean) in the first place. This year I started high school, however, and I actually haven't been bullied anymore. cool.

Bullying wasn't the big deal. It was the typical: penis size. Now please don't tell me that it is not a big deal or it doesn't have to affect my life in any way. Not true. I can tell you 100% sure that I'm smaller than others. But how it affected my life.. well it's been a living hell for me personally.

I don't know where to start. Well.. first of all I've never had really close friends, because I'm afraid they want to go swimming in the summer or something else and I just couldn't do that ever. So I've been pretty much alone. What's even worse is that I purposely fight with my parents to keep our relationship distant so that I don't have to go with them to 'sauna' if you know what that is. Same things with relatives and pretty much everyone in my life. It's so hard to describe in words it how it feels to purposely stay distant from everyone when you actually are very social person and like to talk deeply and such.

Let's continue.. I've decided I can't ever have a girlfriend or be married or have a family. That idea has been in my head for few years now and I get these feelings of great sadness when I see my older brother with his girlfriend happily or some random couple on the street. It's like getting stabbed to heart. And besides it pisses me how bad marriages there are nowadays, how couples don't respect each other. I bet I would be a very loving and caring husband anytime, because I know what it feels when people care for you.. or doesn't.

School's PE classes make me feel so sad to see a normal boy next to me. I can't describe that feeling either, english is also a foreign language for me which doesn't help. Usually after PE I feel broken, but the worst part it that when I would like to run and cry or die, I just have to get that smile on my face, because I want to smile for people. It makes them happy. But it's so exhausting when you are sad and you have to look happy. But again, I always try to be happy and lie if it helps others.

Moving on. I've had to give up many trips to Europe and other places in the world with my family because of my problem. Also I wanted to be an exchange student next year, but I gave up on that too. And about future, I need to escape my family and relatives because of my problem. So I'm gonna move to live America when I'm older. Otherwise life would be so stressful with all those people near me. How could I say no when they want to go to beach or something. They would just suspect something.

Hopefully that was all about that thing. It's not the end of the story however. I could probably cope somehow with all I said above, if I was somehow special. I always wanted to be special. And for many years I thought I was. I thought I was musical. I've been playing flute for 3 and a half years now. But I have realised that I can't sing, I don't have melodyear at all. Well yes I have some, but not that special. I actually did proceed kinda fast in playing flute, but not anymore. My family thinks I'm really really special but they look subjective. And I can't stand that thought anymore. So I need to give up that really dear hobby and I will do that probably this spring.

Now if you add this all up you can have a small part of my everyday life. Of course it's very hard to understand only by reading and I can't describe it that well. Nowadays I get those attacks where I just get on the floor and almost cry my eyes out every other day. And I can't talk about this anguish to anyone in real life. If I could've killed myself in some easy way, I wouldn't live anymore. Also I often think about my funeral; would anyone cry there? Would they miss me? Would there be something they would never get anymore if I wasn't around?

I want to say for all the people who read this: thank you for reading. It means so much for me to know that there still is someone that cares. And I know there are maybe much bigger problems for others like cancer for example. But this is my life and I don't wanna compare it. My life is just too hard to live at the moment.

Take care

I don't really understand your reasoning here, no pun intended. You are saying that you can't go swimming, travel, have friends, have a girlfriend, start a family, or play your favorite instrument because you say you have a small penis? Why does it have to run your life that way? You don't get all the happiness in the world from what's between your legs. "When somebody says; "who are you?" you don't talk about your genitals. Frankly, there aren't alot of situations in which anyone would even see. That doesn't matter, however. Your life is run by your mind, so do things that make you happy, not anybody else. And- you are 16 and still have some time to grow. If you are really concerned about it, you can talk to a doctor about health concerns, and what your options are. Wish you the best, ~Nyra

[sanoidtsuj]

Thank you so much for your support. It really made my day better, really.

But unfortunately I'm very stubborn person. Believe me, for many years I've tried to get over, I guess you could say depression because it sure does sound like that, but I just can't make it happen. And I can't get professional help or talk to my dad because I'm too ashamed.

Yes, I do have a family that cares. I love and respect my brother very much and he is always willing to help me. Still it doesn't change anything. God I feel awful. You said all those kind things and I'm just throwing them away. Really, I appreciate all you said, this is just how I feel.

And no, I'm not a late bloomer nor have a micropenis. It's just smaller, enough small to make me think that way. I'm not sure if numbers here are essential. Enough small for people to bully me if they knew.

About continue playing, not sure. I still feel I need to quit because it's exhausting when you think you are horrible and people expect you to be awesome. I feel like if I just quit playing, they would eventually forget that I ever played.

Thank you SO much for commenting. You are all awesome, I really mean it. And I'm sorry I'm being so negative. I think you all are very special people, because you actually care. Wish world had more people like you.

[trooneh]

Thank you so much for your support. It really made my day better, really.

You're welcome, and you don't have to thank me for any help I give you. :)

But unfortunately I'm very stubborn person. Believe me, for many years I've tried to get over, I guess you could say depression because it sure does sound like that, but I just can't make it happen. And I can't get professional help or talk to my dad because I'm too ashamed.

Sometimes, part of being proud of ourselves is swallowing our sense of shame and seeking help. By seeking help you acknowledge your shortcomings and you show you have the strength to want to overcome those shortcomings.
Yes, I do have a family that cares. I love and respect my brother very much and he is always willing to help me. Still it doesn't change anything. God I feel awful. You said all those kind things and I'm just throwing them away. Really, I appreciate all you said, this is just how I feel.

You don't have to throw everything we are saying away, you still have the ability to seek help from your father or brother.
And no, I'm not a late bloomer nor have a micropenis. It's just smaller, enough small to make me think that way. I'm not sure if numbers here are essential. Enough small for people to bully me if they knew.
To be honest, buddy, anyone that makes fun of you over your penis being small is not worth your attention. They are attempting to cover their own insecurities by trying to focus everyone's attention on yours. They're the ones that will fail in life, though.

About continue playing, not sure. I still feel I need to quit because it's exhausting when you think you are horrible and people expect you to be awesome. I feel like if I just quit playing, they would eventually forget that I ever played.
I don't think they would. You would get questions about why you quit for a long time. If you really enjoy playing, then you should continue, simple as that. You'll always be able to improve by continuing to play.

Thank you SO much for commenting. You are all awesome, I really mean it. And I'm sorry I'm being so negative. I think you all are very special people, because you actually care. Wish world had more people like you.

Again, no problem. We're here to help you, after all.

[StoppingTime]

Thank you so much for your support. It really made my day better, really.

[QUOTE=sanoidtsuj;1588199]
But unfortunately I'm very stubborn person. Believe me, for many years I've tried to get over, I guess you could say depression because it sure does sound like that, but I just can't make it happen. And I can't get professional help or talk to my dad because I'm too ashamed.

Stubborn about what exactly? What is driving you to these feelings currently?


Yes, I do have a family that cares. I love and respect my brother very much and he is always willing to help me. Still it doesn't change anything. God I feel awful. You said all those kind things and I'm just throwing them away. Really, I appreciate all you said, this is just how I feel.

It can be hard to accept yourself as a good, kind person. Sometimes, people will always want that quality they don't have, so they can be like someone else, but when they get it, they'll want more. Appreciate all the amazing things you can do, and focus on the future. Don't worry about how other people judge you, because, nobody truly can judge you but yourself.


And no, I'm not a late bloomer nor have a micropenis. It's just smaller, enough small to make me think that way. I'm not sure if numbers here are essential. Enough small for people to bully me if they knew.

Honestly, you always hear about kids bullying because of penis size. But just think about what they are doing.
They are picking on you because of something that is 100% out of your control. So if they ever did see it and made a stupid remark, you could either just ignore them because you know they are wrong, or say to them, "What's the point in saying/thinking that? You know I didn't choose to have it be like this..." or something.
Don't stay locked up because of this, trust me, if they are true, friends, they won't care.


About continue playing, not sure. I still feel I need to quit because it's exhausting when you think you are horrible and people expect you to be awesome. I feel like if I just quit playing, they would eventually forget that I ever played.

Same thing as I said before. I doubt you are horrible. You just judge yourself too critically. And so what if people think in their minds you aren't "amazing"? Does that mean anything? Do they know you inside and out, 100 percent?
Just do whatever makes you happy.


Thank you SO much for commenting. You are all awesome, I really mean it. And I'm sorry I'm being so negative. I think you all are very special people, because you actually care. Wish world had more people like you.

This really means so much to me, and I'm sure everyone else here agrees. You are a kind, amazing person. Just do what makes you happy, not what you think others will like.


Good luck!

~Steven.