Pointless..

[Love.Hate]

Well i overdosed last night, went to the hospital, on the drip, stayed over night blah blah you get the picture.

Now i dont know what i was expecting, however i have never felt more alone on my life. I lay in the bed crying my eyes out and nobody gave a shit. No one seems to be that bothered.

I wanted to die, i wanted to escape. Now i have to carry on suffering. No doubt i'll be back there soon. They treated me as a time waster, i wish some of them would have just read my notes and seen "rape" in big letters to understand what drove me to it.

So tired and pathetic, never felt worse.

/no idea what this is supposed to acheive, just needed to be said i guess

[Triceratops]

I know what it's like to feel alone and that there's nobody around to care when you're at your worst. Been there more times in my life than I'd like. :(

Truth is, most people have no idea what it's like for people like us on VT in terms of what we have been through or are going through. They're either ignorant, can't be bothered to understand or simply find it too hard to understand. Well at least in my experience anyways. I've hid everything from pretty much everyone, until I was forced to come clean about loads of stuff that had been going on for years.

I'm sorry I'm not being much help, but I really hope you'll be okay, and if you need anyone to talk to then I'm here. :hug: <3

[Magenta]

Fran! <3 Just wanted to remind you that I love you and I'm glad you're okay.

:hug:

Sadly, some hospitals just don't get it. It feels like utter crap and it's lonely but I'm glad you're back now. You have us.

You're absolutely wonderful, Fran. You're there for people and offer so much support to others. You're here for a reason. What he did to you was awful and should never have happened but please don't let him control your life because of it. Of course, I guess I don't truly get it because I've never been in that position but I think I can understand parts of it to some extent. You're too beautiful and lovely to die now, Fran. <3

I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, whenever. I wish I could swim over the Atlantic to give you a big hug but, sadly, my swimming endurance is not that great. D:

:hug:

[Love.Hate]

I know what it's like to feel alone and that there's nobody around to care when you're at your worst. Been there more times in my life than I'd like. :(

Truth is, most people have no idea what it's like for people like us on VT in terms of what we have been through or are going through. They're either ignorant, can't be bothered to understand or simply find it too hard to understand. Well at least in my experience anyways. I've hid everything from pretty much everyone, until I was forced to come clean about loads of stuff that had been going on for years.

I'm sorry I'm not being much help, but I really hope you'll be okay, and if you need anyone to talk to then I'm here. :hug: <3

Thankyou Marcie, its good to know that somebody actually understands that horrible feeling. You are helpful miss! Yeah i guess people are just ignorant, still annoys me though. Did coming clean and confessing everything actually help you?

Im here if you need me too chick, thankyou (again) :P <3

:hug:

Fran! <3 Just wanted to remind you that I love you and I'm glad you're okay.

:hug:

Sadly, some hospitals just don't get it. It feels like utter crap and it's lonely but I'm glad you're back now. You have us.

You're absolutely wonderful, Fran. You're there for people and offer so much support to others. You're here for a reason. What he did to you was awful and should never have happened but please don't let him control your life because of it. Of course, I guess I don't truly get it because I've never been in that position but I think I can understand parts of it to some extent. You're too beautiful and lovely to die now, Fran. <3

I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, whenever. I wish I could swim over the Atlantic to give you a big hug but, sadly, my swimming endurance is not that great. D:

:hug:

Problem is Jo, what he did is controlling my life and no matter how hard i try i cannot forget and i cannot justify it.. i figure maybe if i can make sense of why he would do it then it would be easier to overcome.. :/

You're such a sweetheart, that really put a smile on my face... i'll send you a boat over ;)

:hug:

thankyou <3

[Borxar]

What he did was wrong and there may not be any reason that could justify his actions, and I'm sure its hard to deal with but one thing you should try to remember is that what he did doesnt make you any less special than you are already. Your value doesnt change because he devalued you! I hope you are able to find great support and I'm sure you can, cause you're never alone :)

[Love.Hate]

What he did was wrong and there may not be any reason that could justify his actions, and I'm sure its hard to deal with but one thing you should try to remember is that what he did doesnt make you any less special than you are already. Your value doesnt change because he devalued you! I hope you are able to find great support and I'm sure you can, cause you're never alone :)

Thankyou ever so much, i guess he hasnt changed me as a person and i shouldnt let him ruin my life :)

[Triceratops]

Thankyou Marcie, its good to know that somebody actually understands that horrible feeling. You are helpful miss! Yeah i guess people are just ignorant, still annoys me though. Did coming clean and confessing everything actually help you?

Im here if you need me too chick, thankyou (again) :P <3

:hug:

Yeah it definitely annoys me too, it's like nobody wants to take the time to understand someone else's point of view and see what it's actually like for some of us. :/

Well tbh, at the time it seemed okay because I told my close friends and they were really supportive and caring. I don't know whether that was just because they felt they had to at the time, because whenever I was feeling down because of all the crap I was going through on other days they would get annoyed about me for being in a "depressing mood". But this was a year ago now, and some of these "close friends" I told have either suddenly decided to turn into a nasty, hateful person or we have drifted apart. I still trust some of them though, so I don't regret confessing that much. I know that some of those girls spread my personal life around to other people and even made fun of it, which truthfully made me really angry. Honestly, my school is full of nasty and judgemental bitches so it doesn't surprise me, which is why I kept myself to myself for all these years. I have major trust issues because people are just horrible and ignorant these days (not everybody of course).

Lol sorry about the rambling btw, I get carried away when I talk about how much I hate people :P

And thank you! :) <33

[Quercus]

Wana send me where the guy lives? I got a baseball bat! :)
Ohh and a scary mask :)
In all seriousness, iv never OD'd.. but iv layed in bed before crying uncontrolably.. with a serious nose bleed, and no one noticed till i blacked out...
And when i had my seizure in the back yard at night.. i layed there for who knows how long!
I wish i could say to send me a PM, and we could talk.. but i dont have enough posts yet. :(
Keep your chin up, i always tell myself that i have to go through the bad times.. to get to the happy times.
But lifes never perfect.. we must understand that in order to be happy.

[Love.Hate]

Yeah it definitely annoys me too, it's like nobody wants to take the time to understand someone else's point of view and see what it's actually like for some of us. :/

Well tbh, at the time it seemed okay because I told my close friends and they were really supportive and caring. I don't know whether that was just because they felt they had to at the time, because whenever I was feeling down because of all the crap I was going through on other days they would get annoyed about me for being in a "depressing mood". But this was a year ago now, and some of these "close friends" I told have either suddenly decided to turn into a nasty, hateful person or we have drifted apart. I still trust some of them though, so I don't regret confessing that much. I know that some of those girls spread my personal life around to other people and even made fun of it, which truthfully made me really angry. Honestly, my school is full of nasty and judgemental bitches so it doesn't surprise me, which is why I kept myself to myself for all these years. I have major trust issues because people are just horrible and ignorant these days (not everybody of course).

Lol sorry about the rambling btw, I get carried away when I talk about how much I hate people :P

And thank you! :) <33

I hate people too its totally cool!

See this is my problem too, whoever i have trusted in the past have turned out to be back-stabbing bitches who like spreading rumours. Even though i have moved away from those girls i still struggle to trust my new friends.. in fear of them turning round and acting the way i've seen in the past. Its like not trusting anyone anymore. Only people on VT actually take into account your past and they dont judge you when you do silly things like this.. which is so lovely <3

Wana send me where the guy lives? I got a baseball bat! :)
Ohh and a scary mask :)
In all seriousness, iv never OD'd.. but iv layed in bed before crying uncontrolably.. with a serious nose bleed, and no one noticed till i blacked out...
And when i had my seizure in the back yard at night.. i layed there for who knows how long!
I wish i could say to send me a PM, and we could talk.. but i dont have enough posts yet. :(
Keep your chin up, i always tell myself that i have to go through the bad times.. to get to the happy times.
But lifes never perfect.. we must understand that in order to be happy.

thankyou, its easier said than done to keep my chin up. There havent been many happy times in years, im giving up on the thought of them ever happening. I know its not perfect, but it would be nice if it was slightly better if you know what i mean?

[trooneh]

Fran
you know you can ALWAYS talk to me if you need me, you have me on facebook and stuff after all. I'm glad you don't have any permanent damage from the overdose, and the guy who did that to you deserves to be punished. :/

[Borxar]

Thankyou ever so much, i guess he hasnt changed me as a person and i shouldnt let him ruin my life :)

No problem at all! :) You have great strength and you can live life without worrying about what others think of you and so dont devalue yourself either! Trusting people can be difficult after things like this, but if you are cautious and observant with people you can sometimes see who is real and who is not :yes: I know you can do great things and so you are still very important! :)

[Mortal Coil]

I was raped when I was 11 so I know how you feel about the incident. Just remember that there are some people who are assholes but we're all here for you.

Don't give up hope, don't forget what an awesome and amazing person you truly are, and don't forget that you're never alone.
p.s. my dad gave me a swiss army knife for my birthday if you want to give me the address of the guy who did this

[Love.Hate]

Fran
you know you can ALWAYS talk to me if you need me, you have me on facebook and stuff after all. I'm glad you don't have any permanent damage from the overdose, and the guy who did that to you deserves to be punished. :/

thankyou sean <3 you know where i am too!

No problem at all! :) You have great strength and you can live life without worrying about what others think of you and so dont devalue yourself either! Trusting people can be difficult after things like this, but if you are cautious and observant with people you can sometimes see who is real and who is not :yes: I know you can do great things and so you are still very important! :)

I dont feel important, but hey im here living my life.. might as well make something of it i guess. Everyone feels like they are out to get me.. all fake :/ I shall try to stop putting myself down. Thankyou :)

I was raped when I was 11 so I know how you feel about the incident. Just remember that there are some people who are assholes but we're all here for you.

Don't give up hope, don't forget what an awesome and amazing person you truly are, and don't forget that you're never alone.
p.s. my dad gave me a swiss army knife for my birthday if you want to give me the address of the guy who did this

lol... violence doesnt solve anything. Remember two wrongs dont make a right.

Im trying not to give up, im glad you understand.. its horrid..

Just got to carry on i guess.. :/


Thankyou everyone <3

[Borxar]

Yeah, I hope you find real friends soon and I know things can be ok for you :D As you said yourself in your sig: "Dont let anybody ever bring you down." :)

[Rawiyah]

i can definitely understand how you feel
and i am so sorry that the hospital treated you like that.

for some reason, some hospitals/doctors really frown upon suicide and si.

did they not have a psych or social worker come and talk with you? i noticed you are from england, so it may be different there, but where i am, it's normally required after a suicide attempt to hold the patient for 72 hours under heavy surveillance, especially if they are under 18.

if there's any consolation, it seems like a lot of people here care. and i care
:yes: hope you're feeling better about it, i understand how it is when people dont seem to care about you.

[Love.Hate]

i can definitely understand how you feel
and i am so sorry that the hospital treated you like that.

for some reason, some hospitals/doctors really frown upon suicide and si.

did they not have a psych or social worker come and talk with you? i noticed you are from england, so it may be different there, but where i am, it's normally required after a suicide attempt to hold the patient for 72 hours under heavy surveillance, especially if they are under 18.

if there's any consolation, it seems like a lot of people here care. and i care
:yes: hope you're feeling better about it, i understand how it is when people dont seem to care about you.

A psych assessed me, but Deemed me to be okay and let me go. They just wanted to get rid of me I guess cause Im costing the nhs money.. Waste of time.

Thankyou, I know people care.. It's just hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm glad you understand :hug: