Purpose of Coming Out

[trzxv515]

Hey..

I've been so messed up these past couple of months because of my sexuality.. I used to think I was bi because I still get attracted to girls but I don't see the life of being with a girl so I think that makes me gay, right?

Anyway, as most of you may know, being in the closet sucks. It really does. However, I'm too afraid to come out of that crap. I'm scared of what my family may think of me even though I think my mum has been asking me if I'm gay for years now and I just shrug her off. Just for you to know, my family is really judgmental. I'm also scared of what people in school might do. I'm scared to be bullied and to be thought of as a disease.

I feel so alone.

I thought about this because of the video that tsphilly98 (thank you for posting that very powerful video) posted in this section and it made me realise that maybe people like me will have to go through heaps of things in order to be happy whereas straight people has life easier - no prejudice on them, no discrimination. It snapped me back to reality that maybe my fantasies and dreams to be happy with someone will forever remain as is.

I want to ask all VTer's who are already out if what effects did coming out give you? Were you happier or did you wish you never came out until after high school? Did your friends accept you? Did you get bullied? If so, how were you able to cope with the bigots? Why did you come out in the first place?

I'd really appreciate your answers and opinions. I want to come out but at the moment, I don't see why I should except the fact that it's killing me inside. BTW, I may be gay but I still act like I'm straight. I'm just used to it. Thanks in advance and I hope to hear from you.. :)

[Gaybaby94]

You're not alone dude. There are many of us who go Through the same problem. Many of us have faced discrimination, judgement, bullies. I've been through them all because of my openers about it. But people will a lot more respect for us if we stand up for our rights, our freedom, our sexualities. Our voice needs to get louder, our actions need to get stronger. If your family is judgmental, tell them that this is who you are. And I recommend keeping it to the family. But if you see another guy who is gay, then talk to him. Form a bond. And forget the bullies and discriminators, they're just ignorant and homophobic. Don't listen to them and don't let them bother you.

[trzxv515]

You're not alone dude. There are many of us who go Through the same problem. Many of us have faced discrimination, judgement, bullies. I've been through them all because of my openers about it. But people will a lot more respect for us if we stand up for our rights, our freedom, our sexualities. Our voice needs to get louder, our actions need to get stronger. If your family is judgmental, tell them that this is who you are. And I recommend keeping it to the family. But if you see another guy who is gay, then talk to him. Form a bond. And forget the bullies and discriminators, they're just ignorant and homophobic. Don't listen to them and don't let them bother you.

But I'm not out yet... and I am afraid to come out. I'm not sure if I can handle the stares and the rubbish that people will be putting me through..

[Zip Gun]

Long story short, when I came out at school, bullies apologised to me of their own accord and said they would stop anyone from harassing me . They also said that they wouldn't have picked on me if they knew I was gay. My parents, however, decided that they'd rather have no son than a gay son and have treated me like shit ever since.

However, my parents are abnormally stupid, and I guess my bullies were abnormally liberal.

[Abyssal Echo]

Hey..

I've been so messed up these past couple of months because of my sexuality.. I used to think I was bi because I still get attracted to girls but I don't see the life of being with a girl so I think that makes me gay, right?

Anyway, as most of you may know, being in the closet sucks. It really does. However, I'm too afraid to come out of that crap. I'm scared of what my family may think of me even though I think my mum has been asking me if I'm gay for years now and I just shrug her off. Just for you to know, my family is really judgmental. I'm also scared of what people in school might do. I'm scared to be bullied and to be thought of as a disease.

I feel so alone.

I thought about this because of the video that tsphilly98 (thank you for posting that very powerful video) posted in this section and it made me realise that maybe people like me will have to go through heaps of things in order to be happy whereas straight people has life easier - no prejudice on them, no discrimination. It snapped me back to reality that maybe my fantasies and dreams to be happy with someone will forever remain as is.

I want to ask all VTer's who are already out if what effects did coming out give you? Were you happier or did you wish you never came out until after high school? Did your friends accept you? Did you get bullied? If so, how were you able to cope with the bigots? Why did you come out in the first place?

I'd really appreciate your answers and opinions. I want to come out but at the moment, I don't see why I should except the fact that it's killing me inside. BTW, I may be gay but I still act like I'm straight. I'm just used to it. Thanks in advance and I hope to hear from you.. :)

I am out now and am alot happier with me. I am just like you in the fact that I am str8 acting and appearing. Since I came out there are some that wont talk or hang out with me anymore...there are wispers in the hall as I go by.
some of my friends already knew because of us doing stuff together others said they suspected I was. as far as family goes my former step dad figured it out for himself I had talked to some of my cousins but Mom was the last to know She did not take it to well and still really does not like for me to talk about it but, is at least tolerant of it so long as I dont put it in her face. hope this helps you out.

[prodigy1996]

I'm out and proud! I thought the same thing about my family. Then my mom caught me kissing another guy (whoops) and she was actually really cool about it. I then came out to my family and friends. They were really supportive! Plus who cares? You are who you are!

[canadaski]

I am partially out, it does feel great. Everybody is supportive so far, I can even joke about "gay" stuff with my straight friends. Coming out just feels nice not to have to hide a big part of who you are. I can however, think of a few friend that I would lose if they knew.

Long story short, when I came out at school, bullies apologised to me of their own accord and said they would stop anyone from harassing me . They also said that they wouldn't have picked on me if they knew I was gay. My parents, however, decided that they'd rather have no son than a gay son and have treated me like shit ever since.

However, my parents are abnormally stupid, and I guess my bullies were abnormally liberal.

Ouch, that's a really mean thing that your parents said. Anyway, it is what it is. You won't be under their watch forever. We still love you.;)

[Magenta]

I don't know if I ever really did "come out", per se. I felt comfortable telling people that I like girls and sometimes like guys. It never really was an issue of ever being in the closet. I grew up not really knowing what homosexuality vs. heterosexuality even was. I just knew that some men liked men, some men liked women, etc. My two of my favourite babysitters were a gay couple.

I didn't put much thought into it. I've always really liked girls but I also had crushes on some boys. When all the other girls talked about boys, it didn't occur to me that some wouldn't like girls as well. I never really asked. It only started coming up more in high school and though I've been to three high schools, all have been incredibly friendly towards everybody.

I also never felt the need to tell anyone. I don't know if I'm bi, or pan, or asexual with just [insert label here]-romantic feelings. I've given up really explaining to people because I'm comfortable enough with myself in this respect to say that if someone else doesn't like me for it, that's their problem. I mean, I jokingly act very lesbian all the time but I also act very straight sometimes and it doesn't really affect anyone around me. Some days I'll say I'm 'gay' because I happen to be feeling more homosexual than bisexual. It doesn't overly matter to me.

I am only just sort of realizing I've never actually witnessed homophobia. I mean, I know of it and hear about it all the time but I've never been in a situation where I've seen it happening. My mum told me about how my grandfather isn't very friendly towards gay people... but I've never seen him like that or anyone else for that matter. ._.

So maybe I'm just biased because I've been really lucky in my life not to have dealt with these things but it does give me some hope in the world to know that I'm surrounded by people who just like you as a person, not as your label or who you love. I'm sure where I live is not the only place like this even though sometimes the media can make it sound like everywhere is still awfully homophobic.

[humanesquire]

My school is pretty cool about homosexuality, and for the most part nobody cares. Being in the south, though, there are plenty of homophobes. My school's GSA was formed in December and there has been a lot of drama surrounding it. My personal coming out hasn't been a big deal and I'm pretty sure everybody knows. In my family, I'm only out to my stepdad and my mom and neither of them care. I have had to deal with bullies and I find it easiest to shrug them off. The people who try to bother me most are sophomores and I'll call them adorable and stuff to take them off of their pedestal.

[trzxv515]

Hello :) Firs t of all, i would like to thank everyone who replied. I honestly didn't think that I would ever get any responses so I just shrugged it off but to my surprise, a lot people did! Thank you so much :D I would also like to ask you guys another question...

Why did you come out?

Just like the title of this thread, what is your purpose in coming out? I've been thinking about it and the only reason I can think of is so that I can be more of myself and not be scared that I will accidentally say "gay stuff" that will accidentally out me. I just started my year 11 and I need to really work hard because of this scholarship that I'm planning to apply for in uni and I'm scared that if I come out, too much drama will come into my life which will just ruin my plans. However, I'm a born pessimist. I always see the worst in everything so I'm not really sure if that feeling was just because of my stupid mind...

@Zip Gun
It's my first time to read a story about bullies initiating an apology to the people they bullies. That's so cool. I'm sorry for your parents though. I'm not really that scared of coming out to my mum because she has been teasing me for ages now. I'm more scared to come out to my siblings..

@Dragon Rider, prodigy1996, canadaski
Does coming out really makes you happy? I've been thinking about it but I'm having second thoughts because I don't really know why should I even do it..

@Magenta
Hey! I admire how you think and I hope a lot of people will be open-minded as well about this topic. Do you mean your family and friends just knew it and it's like a given information that's why you didn't have to come out anymore? I agree that you really had it easy. :D

@humanesquire
I'm not really sure what my school thinks about homosexuals. I'm new to the country and I don't really know if Australians - especially the current generation - are cool with it or most of them still choose to be close-minded about it. What year are you in by the way since you mentioned that sophomores were your bullies?

[Magenta]

Yeah, I think my family and friends just know. Or if they don't, I've not really felt the need to tell them. It's something people sort of just suspect about me and if they ask, I'll give them an answer or if they don't, they just figure it out on their own. My mum has asked me a few times if I'm gay and I just sort of shrug and smile. My mum has made it known that she would be accepting either way (people thought she was a lesbian for years before she got married anyway). I've never really gone up to anyone though and said "well, I'm not straight". :P

So I guess my answer to why I "came out" would be just because I didn't see any reason to hide it.

[trzxv515]

Yeah, I think my family and friends just know. Or if they don't, I've not really felt the need to tell them. It's something people sort of just suspect about me and if they ask, I'll give them an answer or if they don't, they just figure it out on their own. My mum has asked me a few times if I'm gay and I just sort of shrug and smile. My mum has made it known that she would be accepting either way (people thought she was a lesbian for years before she got married anyway). I've never really gone up to anyone though and said "well, I'm not straight". :P

So I guess my answer to why I "came out" would be just because I didn't see any reason to hide it.

I hope you don't mind me asking but do you look and act lesbian most of the time even if you are serious? (cos you said you act lesbian jokingly in your previous reply)

[Magenta]

I don't know if I'd say I look it. I do sometimes cross-dress but I don't really know. I just make it very well known sometimes that I find girls extremely attractive... say a straight guy friend is saying something about a girl he likes, I'll join right in or if a straight girl friend points out a guy she likes, I may point out a girl I like better (unless I agree that the guy is cute). :P

Just more of those things that I sort of never needed to "come out" to do. I just kind of do it and no one questions it.

[trzxv515]

I don't know if I'd say I look it. I do sometimes cross-dress but I don't really know. I just make it very well known sometimes that I find girls extremely attractive... say a straight guy friend is saying something about a girl he likes, I'll join right in or if a straight girl friend points out a guy she likes, I may point out a girl I like better (unless I agree that the guy is cute). :P

Just more of those things that I sort of never needed to "come out" to do. I just kind of do it and no one questions it.

You are really open about it. You courage is awesome. No offense but I do believe that generally, lesbians have it easier than gay men. That's just how I see things though..