I am so close. But people are so nosey.

[Noxail]

I am really at the end of my rope. I've been clean for what, two weeks now? Because after my failed suicide attempt, two of my friends got me "help" Which in their world is a bunch of nosey ladies putting me on anti-depressants and digging up my family history. And because of this, I was forced to quit cutting as they notice EVERYTHING about me. Cutting is my way of coping with my dad (alcoholic, highly abusive, and violent) whom I can deal with physicly (I am scary good at fighting, I've had alot of time to learn) but the things he says, they rip me up. But cutting made it all just go the hell away, the anti-depressants don't work, the ladies just piss me off and my dad's just gotten worse. My dear friends had snached away the one escape I've ever had, because their so selfish they think that I'm going to get out of hand. And the sad thing? I miss cutting so much. I miss that release I had for thirty minutes. Even though it makes me feel like a horrible person, I wish I could cut, just a few more times. :( I hate this. I hate it all. I suppose I'm just ranting, but I really need to air out this dirty laundry. *sigh* Thank you for reading my frustrations. ~Holli

[Magenta]

First off, anti-depressants do not work immediately. You won't notice a difference just yet after only two weeks and, in general, you may not see a difference because it's so gradual but it will be other people to notice. That's how it worked on my medications. Other people could see changes that I couldn't because I was in my own head 24/7 and they only saw me every so often. Make sense?

Anyway, two weeks clean is amazing. Everyone hits the point where they miss it but there are so many better ways of coping. I know you may not appreciate the "help" now but you may in the future. One more cut just turns into one more and one more and so on. Maybe they were being "selfish" but they didn't want to see you hurting yourself anymore than you were.

Can you tell anyone about your father? Sometimes the best solution is to get away from the problem and professional help can offer solutions for the abuse and violence and possibly get you away from it.

Don't worry about ranting, it gets things out there which is a better release than anything you can get from creating more scars. It just takes time to realize that. :hug: