Heatbomb21
January 21st, 2012, 07:58 PM
I tried and tried again to come up with a way to explain this without a long backstory, but that's the only way anyone could fully understand, and I turned down those who tried to help me with this too quickly.
The first two times weren't too serious. I developed a crush on a girl named Christina in 3rd grade. I told her and to my suprise she liked me back. We were really good friends after that point, and things were well. But then, teasing came and since I was only in in 3rd, I couldn't cope too well, so we kinda stopped talking to each other for a while. I felt bad about it. Really bad. But I didn't want that to continue. Especially not for her. Not too long after, I was spontaneously transferred to a different school (an entirely diffrerent story) and never saw her again. That ended that.
At my second school, I was given a warm welcome, but I messed it up. Badly. In ways that even now I don't understand why I did them. That led to bullying and teasing and basically, me being at the bottom of the barrel in all ways at this school. Torture was almost guaranteed every day until 5th, and even 5th was no less that hellish. In 5th, I had another crush on a girl named Jordan. But that was exaggerated too far. And it costed both of us embarrassment beyond our comprehension. When I told someone of course. After that, she hated me and I wanted no part of that. So I spent the rest of my time with her in silence.
Now I go to a school that treated as gently as possible. I smacked their hand at first, but they kept lending it to me and I finally got it through my head to accept it. Now I'm friends with every student I know there. But some I didn't attend to as well as others.
And only this year, my last year here, did I realize what I hadn't done to this one. Lea, the one person I've met without a single bad cell in her body. Always forgiving. I'm the complete opposite of her, but I like her more than anyone else. I'm almost certain that I've payed everyone back for taking me in to their community except for her. I know there's something I still need to do, and only now have I realized it. I could have seeked help from my most trusted friends, but I denied them too many times. I value my friends more than anything. And I would protect them with my life if I needed to, but with Lea, I fell like that tenfold. I think I love her. but not that kind of love. The kind of love where you would give up everything for someone you barely even know. Despite the fact that I do know her.
So what should I do from here?
The first two times weren't too serious. I developed a crush on a girl named Christina in 3rd grade. I told her and to my suprise she liked me back. We were really good friends after that point, and things were well. But then, teasing came and since I was only in in 3rd, I couldn't cope too well, so we kinda stopped talking to each other for a while. I felt bad about it. Really bad. But I didn't want that to continue. Especially not for her. Not too long after, I was spontaneously transferred to a different school (an entirely diffrerent story) and never saw her again. That ended that.
At my second school, I was given a warm welcome, but I messed it up. Badly. In ways that even now I don't understand why I did them. That led to bullying and teasing and basically, me being at the bottom of the barrel in all ways at this school. Torture was almost guaranteed every day until 5th, and even 5th was no less that hellish. In 5th, I had another crush on a girl named Jordan. But that was exaggerated too far. And it costed both of us embarrassment beyond our comprehension. When I told someone of course. After that, she hated me and I wanted no part of that. So I spent the rest of my time with her in silence.
Now I go to a school that treated as gently as possible. I smacked their hand at first, but they kept lending it to me and I finally got it through my head to accept it. Now I'm friends with every student I know there. But some I didn't attend to as well as others.
And only this year, my last year here, did I realize what I hadn't done to this one. Lea, the one person I've met without a single bad cell in her body. Always forgiving. I'm the complete opposite of her, but I like her more than anyone else. I'm almost certain that I've payed everyone back for taking me in to their community except for her. I know there's something I still need to do, and only now have I realized it. I could have seeked help from my most trusted friends, but I denied them too many times. I value my friends more than anything. And I would protect them with my life if I needed to, but with Lea, I fell like that tenfold. I think I love her. but not that kind of love. The kind of love where you would give up everything for someone you barely even know. Despite the fact that I do know her.
So what should I do from here?