Relapsing- HELP PLEASE

[amscramhick]

I fight my urges to cut myself every day. I haven't cut in over three months. I fight these urges because I promised my boyfriend I wouldn't hurt myself (i used to scratch too). New years Eve my urge got so bad, I found myself standing in my moms kitchen with a sharp object pressed to my wrist. I put the knife away and fought off my urge again. Well lately I've been feeling like I'm going to lose my boyfriend. He's been distant, acting odd, weird. So I've been extremely stressed, depressed, etc. Well today after school he didn't even kiss me goodbye and the only reason it matters is because the way he hugged me even indicated distance. The thought ran through my mind "O need to go home and cut". I told myself I'm not going to and when I got home I broke down crying. I was sitting on my laptop on my bed thinking about it again. Before I knew it, I had grabbed the lighter I keep on my desk (for candles and incense) and was holding it to my arm.. So this is now a third form of self-harm and a broken promise and the reason is the person I made the promise to..

[StoppingTime]

I fight my urges to cut myself every day. I haven't cut in over three months.

First of all, just congratulating you, because that's amazing!

I fight these urges because I promised my boyfriend I wouldn't hurt myself (i used to scratch too).

It is good that you have something so strong that makes you want to continue to stay clean.
A goal like this is always very helpful, because it keeps you shooting for the thing that you love most.


New years Eve my urge got so bad, I found myself standing in my moms kitchen with a sharp object pressed to my wrist. I put the knife away and fought off my urge again.

There will always be times that our lives get messed up. Even something you thought you would never care about one day, makes you do something different the next.
However, I think there may be a simple answer to this problem.


Well lately I've been feeling like I'm going to lose my boyfriend. He's been distant, acting odd, weird. So I've been extremely stressed, depressed, etc. Well today after school he didn't even kiss me goodbye and the only reason it matters is because the way he hugged me even indicated distance.

Has he been having anything different going on in his life lately? Stress of schoolwork, social, or any other problem like that?
And what exactly do you mean by odd?
Don't get too stressed over this. Hopefully it is a passing time, but if you notice anything else that he is doing differently (if you don't think that it is related to things like I listed above), then I would talk to him.
Tell him how you are feeling. Ask him what's wrong. If you two really trust each other, I'm sure he will be truthful about it.
Or, if you feel like you can, just talk to him the next time you get the chance.


The thought ran through my mind "O need to go home and cut". I told myself I'm not going to and when I got home I broke down crying. I was sitting on my laptop on my bed thinking about it again.Before I knew it, I had grabbed the lighter I keep on my desk (for candles and incense) and was holding it to my arm.. So this is now a third form of self-harm and a broken promise and the reason is the person I made the promise to..

Of course, these kinds of things are never good, but there are things you can do to stop/prevent it from happening more in the future.
Again, if you feel you can, talk to him about this.
Also, have you ever spoken to a school counselor, psycologist etc...?
I know it seems like they never really help, but if you truly trust them and are open with them, they do have the potential to help.



I wish you luck on everything, and don't ever hesitate to contact people here about anything, or feel like you aren't important enough to them.
We are all here for you :)





~Steven/StoppingTime

[amscramhick]

He's just been weird, there's a look in his eyes telling me that there is something he isn't telling me. And we HAVE talked and nothing got better. I just find myself wondering it this is still what he wants. We do have exams this week, so we're all a little stressed with that and I know over christmas break his mom made him feel a little bad by saying he should hang out with me (we haven't hung out at all lately either, it's like the only time I see him is school), but other than that he hasn't told me anything. And that's just the thing, he doesn't tell me anything. I feel like it's a guessing game and I don't know what's going on with my own boyfriend. I'm just afraid that if I try talking to him again, he'll feel threatened or whatever and dump me faster. And it's not like we have any time to talk alone anyway. I wrote him a note on the subject last week, before we talked. And like I said, didn't help. I think I need to tell him about my break, though there's no marks. Not sure if I will though. I think I want to get our RELATIONSHIP stuff sorted out first. And no I haven't. Everyone thinks I'm a normal happy teenager. I haven't talked to school because they'd get the state involved, I could be considered suicidal and sent to a mental hospital. And I don't want to cause problems for my parents, they don't know about my self-harm for the past two or so years.


and thank you.

[StoppingTime]

If you talk with a school counselor, they dont have to get the state involved, and I can almost promise you they won't send you to a mental hospital.

Even just talking to them about how you feel abandoned by him lately may help you, and you may not even have to bring up the fact that you SH. And usually, they do not need to tell your parents unless it is very serious, and like I said, you don't even have to say you self harm the first time.

I would wait until the exam week is over, and then see if his mood changes. I think they are putting a lot of stress on both of you.


I hope I am helping you, and if you'd like you can PM any moderator or admin here, even without 100 posts if you need someone to talk to privately, they are always happy to help.

Good luck agin! :)