This is how I feel

[acryforhelp]

I did not, you see, want to kill myself. Not at that time, anyway. But I wanted to know that if need be, if the desperation got so terribly bad, I could inflict harm on my body. And I could. Knowing this gave me a sense of peace and power, so I started cutting up my legs all the time. Hiding the scars from my mother became a sport of its own. I collected razor blades, I bought a Swiss Army knife, I became fascinated with different kinds of sharp edges and the different cutting sensations they produced. I tried out different shapes - squares, triangles, pentagons, even an awkwardly carved heart, with a stab wound at its center, wanting to see if it hurt the way a real broken heart could hurt. I was amazed and pleased to find that it didn't.

[Desuetude]

I know im a hypocrite but thats not the point.
Its really unhealthy to cut, i do know it helps ease the pain but to become this obsessed with it, the fact that you collect razor blades and are facinated but what happens when you cut isn't good. It seems like if you keep going its just going to get worse and harder to quit, you could really hurt youself.
Just try and think about what your doing before you cut. think about the fact you are scarring your body, your the only one that can do something about it, if you don't want to be helped then no one can. Talk about it with someone, if not anyone closethen call a helpline, write a blog, write everything your feeling about yourself an dother people down.
The fact that you might be self harming so you know that if you wanted to, you could kill yourself. you should not have to feel this way and i know it's hard but you need some help dealing with it, if you arn't yet ready to talk to someone then try and hide your knives and blades and do things to take your mind off them, even if it is just for a little while. When the urge is strong go out for a walk or into a room with other people in so there would be less of a chance of hurting yourself.
I hope i helped even just a little bit and please dont do anything stupid. You don't need to take your life.

[Blondiee]

Do you cut because it calms or for the sensation? Why not try rubbing an ice cube on your skin? It hurts and leaves red marks, but it wont scar is damage your body.