NZLD
January 14th, 2012, 12:43 PM
hello every1, i am relatively new to virtual teen, and im hoping you guys can help me out.
my names leo, and i am an only child, i live with my parents and like being alone most of the time.
Ive always been, since i can remember an extremely moody person - irritable, happy, frustrated, extremely depressed and arrogant are just some of the things i can think of, off the top of my head.
after reading alot of posts i seriously do think i am bipolar.
i get allot of shit from students at school, saying im "bipolar" but when they say it its merely a joke, the reason i think i have this illness, is because i can wake up ready for school so very depressed, by the time i get to school, i can feel rebellious.. "who cares what people think" i can do what ever i want" and other thoughts.. by the time im a couple of hours into school, i have this very weird mood that i cant help, its like a crazy mood where i act funny, weird and straight up freak people out. i used to be a very sociable person but now, like to isolate myself at home with my computer on my lap in the quiet darkness, ive cut my self, and even contemplated suicide, i used to look at myself as popular and the kind of person people treasure being around. for the few friends i do have, i am very VERY irritable, one second i can be laughing and enjoying there company and the next minute u will turn on them, bring them down with insults over the smallest mistake they made. some times i look at myself in the mirror and think wow im not that bad looking, i dont see why more girls would like me, but then most other times i look and think of myself as a fat overweight ugly child, i have quite a high voice for my age and that frustrates me even more. one second i will be quietly lying on the couch the next i ill get up and feel like going for a run!, even though im so unfit and never run, on the weekend i go to bed at 5-8am and wake up sometimes at 6pm! the reason i go to bed so late is because for some strange reason im paranoid of sleeping, so i only go to bed when i cant keep my eyes open! there really is alot ALOT more i could say but the bottom line is i am an extremely moody person, who can go from arrogant and on top of the world, to literally in minutes feeling like theres nothing in life to live for, i often look at other peoples lifes and wish i had theres, i also sometimes seek a friend who was exactly like me that i could run off forever with, i sum times think what it would be like to live with cancer, and wonder what people would do/think if i died. im sorry ive rambled on so much but after years i just finally want some sort of diagnosis, i also don't speak to my parents about ANY of this because although im friends with my dad i believe hes ignorant went it comes to these kind of topics, and my mother is the kind of person who looks down on someone and judges them, and makes things extremely awkward. SORRY ive written sososo much but like i said i just want some thoughts and advice from people, i dont know and never will.
my names leo, and i am an only child, i live with my parents and like being alone most of the time.
Ive always been, since i can remember an extremely moody person - irritable, happy, frustrated, extremely depressed and arrogant are just some of the things i can think of, off the top of my head.
after reading alot of posts i seriously do think i am bipolar.
i get allot of shit from students at school, saying im "bipolar" but when they say it its merely a joke, the reason i think i have this illness, is because i can wake up ready for school so very depressed, by the time i get to school, i can feel rebellious.. "who cares what people think" i can do what ever i want" and other thoughts.. by the time im a couple of hours into school, i have this very weird mood that i cant help, its like a crazy mood where i act funny, weird and straight up freak people out. i used to be a very sociable person but now, like to isolate myself at home with my computer on my lap in the quiet darkness, ive cut my self, and even contemplated suicide, i used to look at myself as popular and the kind of person people treasure being around. for the few friends i do have, i am very VERY irritable, one second i can be laughing and enjoying there company and the next minute u will turn on them, bring them down with insults over the smallest mistake they made. some times i look at myself in the mirror and think wow im not that bad looking, i dont see why more girls would like me, but then most other times i look and think of myself as a fat overweight ugly child, i have quite a high voice for my age and that frustrates me even more. one second i will be quietly lying on the couch the next i ill get up and feel like going for a run!, even though im so unfit and never run, on the weekend i go to bed at 5-8am and wake up sometimes at 6pm! the reason i go to bed so late is because for some strange reason im paranoid of sleeping, so i only go to bed when i cant keep my eyes open! there really is alot ALOT more i could say but the bottom line is i am an extremely moody person, who can go from arrogant and on top of the world, to literally in minutes feeling like theres nothing in life to live for, i often look at other peoples lifes and wish i had theres, i also sometimes seek a friend who was exactly like me that i could run off forever with, i sum times think what it would be like to live with cancer, and wonder what people would do/think if i died. im sorry ive rambled on so much but after years i just finally want some sort of diagnosis, i also don't speak to my parents about ANY of this because although im friends with my dad i believe hes ignorant went it comes to these kind of topics, and my mother is the kind of person who looks down on someone and judges them, and makes things extremely awkward. SORRY ive written sososo much but like i said i just want some thoughts and advice from people, i dont know and never will.