Tired or pain- Don't even know what happieness is anymore :(

[smalltowngirl9189]

Okay, so I've been depressed for multiple months and been going through alot at home; abuse, self harm, drugs, alcohol, relationship problems. It seems all I feel is pain. I have two wonderful friends, who are trying to help me stop doing drugs, drinking, and self harm. But for me it's really hard because I feel like I can't tell them everything going on in my life, because of the fear that I will be judged, even though they never would judge me. I don;t want to be here anymore and I've told them and they give me reason why I shouldn't but... I've been through 4 tough relationships in the past 2 months, my home life is tough, my professors expect the best, and I feel like I have to be prefect to my parents even though they dont give a fuck. :( I know suicide is selfish but I don't know how much pain I can take anymore.... Drugs are the only thing that make me happy anymore... *sigh* I can't do this much longer...

[CJM123]

i feel for you my dear. i think you should try and move things into the past and completely start a fresh. you should become very close with your 2 friends because they will help you through anything! we all have terrible times in life but it always gets better! :)

[smalltowngirl9189]

It just doesn't seem like it's getting better... I've lost 8 friends since August... and I honestly have been depressed since I was 11. It's just I don't know what to do.

[CJM123]

i had a terrible experience once. and i put it aside and looked for things i found interesting and things wanted to do and it took my mind of things completely! or just go out into town and walk around. helps me a lot :)

[smalltowngirl9189]

thanks I guess.... :(

[Amaryllis]

Relationship problems are very difficult and painful - you're going through a really hard time but suicide really isn't the way. Not just because it's selfish but because it isn't worth it at all - several years from now or maybe even months, you'll be glad you didn't kill yourself. There's so much for you out there and you don't have to feel the pain forever.

I know it feels like things will never get better and the hurt is just overwhelming - but you have two very caring friends and I'm sure there's even more for you to live for if you really look at it. Some things can't be changed - like your parents and the fact that you have to go to school (dropping out's a horrible choice you should avoid at all costs) - but you can learn to be happy even with all of that.

You can't change the thoughts and actions of everyone else, not without some cost or anything, anyway - but you can change yourself. Drugs will only be a temporary release and it'll make things worse in the long run. Long-term use of illicit drugs will lead to severe long-term effects that you do not want.

You're a young and beautiful girl and you have all the opportunities in the world to be happy and experience the beauties of life. I know this line is overused but: Change starts with you.

Choose to be happy and try to be, watch funny movies or go out and meet new people - you have one chance at life, but if you do it right, once is enough.

[AmyMay]

I think am in the same position as you are. I can tell from your post that you really hate being in pain. So do I. I found the best drugs for relieving pain temporarily are opiates - my drug of choice is oxycontin. Drugs do work to escape pain - BUT only while you are using them. You will gain tolerance, and need more and more just to get through the day. When you run out or stop, the withdrawls start, and THAT is pain. As much pain as you are in now, it would be 100 times worse while in withdrawl. Both mental and physical pain. I'm not sure which drugs you are using, so I dont know if you and I are going through exactly the same thing, but one thing about drugs is... as good as they feel when you are using, eventually there will be a time when you won't have it. And that is when you will suffer the most. Pain and sickness is the price you pay for the pleasure that drugs give you. I just hope you are not yet at this point, or its too late. I'm writing this because I dont want you to get stuck in the trap that I am in.

[Burn007]

i Can And i WILL pm you about this

but for now ley on your bed take a deep breath and relax think of drugs they only hurt you more and make mentaly wounded you just need to relax and i promise it will be ok if you just calm yourself for awhile you can do it just close your eyes and think is it ok to do that and what would happen to your friends if you keep doing this you just have to relax and you will i went trough all bullshit this world can give and it makes you only tougher and better

Please i beg you just relax and forget about everything except good things that happend to you and the fact you can relive them

so please relax and it will all be ok