What are your theories on why people love others, romantically?

[Abyssinian]

My own personal backstory: My best mate was with a guy who was not right for her, they fought constantly, they had clashing personalities, but they stuck it out because they were in love. I accepted this.
I recently got to know this guy better, and whilst I know my bestie is messed up, he is most definitely more so.
I personally can't handle being lied to, or drunkenly yelled at / threatened. But that's the kind of person he is.
And somehow I fell for him.
Deep down I know he's a good person, he has qualities that make friendship easy, but he has MAJOR backstory issues that would make him difficult to be in a relationship with, and somehow I found myself wanting exactly that from him. I would have given up all my beliefs on relationships to try and make one work with this guy.. And I can't work out why.

Long story short, they broke up because of their issues and me and him have not spoken for a week now. It's not easy to deal with that, but I know I'll probably be better off in the long run if I just let him leave my life...

My actual questions: Why??
Why do people fall for other people, when their personalities clash?
Why do we choose one person?
When there are so many people out there with the same, if not better qualities than the one you love, why are we so depressed when we lose them?

Just looking for your theories on this people. No right or wrong.
I personally think love is a connection beyond science, because of all the messy things I mentioned above.

[Wesley1369]

i dont think there is an answer, its magic

[CrossingtheCourtyard]

My actual questions: Why??
Why do people fall for other people, when their personalities clash?
Why do we choose one person?
When there are so many people out there with the same, if not better qualities than the one you love, why are we so depressed when we lose them?

Just looking for your theories on this people. No right or wrong.
I personally think love is a connection beyond science, because of all the messy things I mentioned above.

1) Well, opposites attract. Or, maybe (figuratively) the person you like has a quality that you yourself wish you had, lives in a way that you wish you did--for example, someone who is very orderly and a bit dull might fall for someone who is a bit more chaotic and spontaneous--simply, people fall in love. No way to explain it really.

2) Not everyone chooses one person. I mean, people could potentially have feelings for more than one person, or fall in love again after having lost a previous love.

3) Because love is a bitch. To love is to destroy and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed, to quote a certain someone.

The heart wants what the heart wants...
Stupid heart

[Wesley1369]

but i do agree that opposites attract, but that doesnt mean alike people arent attracted

[CrossingtheCourtyard]

but i do agree that opposites attract, but that doesnt mean alike people arent attracted

Of course. It's also just as likely that people who are alike will work out better in the long run. It all depends on the people.

[Wesley1369]

Of course. It's also just as likely that people who are alike will work out better in the long run. It all depends on the people.

exactly, its just weird how it works out sometimes

[User Deleted]

I'm not sure if it's true, but here is how I view things.

People through natural selection have developed two things. A want for company. And a physical 'reward' for reproduction. If being together is naturally more pleasurably then it is more likely it will have offspring and the group without a natural want is less likely to reproduce. So with time it has been 'bred' into the human nature to have desires increasing the likelihood of certain events.

The behavior of grouping also allowed production. Cooperation. Communication. All beneficial so they stayed.

Though some people may choose someone to live with in modern times the theory of marriage being a permanent togetherness and an emotional bond seems to have died. Thus bad relationships leading to divorce.

Personally I've noticed something in myself. I don't like to talk. I don't like to work with groups. And I'm asexual. I'm lacking what I theorize to be the natural behaviors that compose the essential foundation for any desire.

And thus my line ends. Natural selection chooses my behavior to be lost. Simple as that.

Now, being selfish, tisk tisk that's too far. Even though love may be simply a naturally selected behavior what would we be if were alone? Have you ever seen shows about solitarie confinement? That's some scary shit.

We've become dependent on social interaction. Alone we are weak and lost. Some exclusions are rare. People who are viewed as outcasts. People who are simply different.

Though most of us as people work together. Sometimes we may try to hurt one another, sometimes our morals are bad, though it simply wouldn't work without cooperation. Imagine a company without any workers. Or with workers who refused to cooperate. It would be a dysfunctional chaos.

I'm being a cheapskate and quoting myself.

[unnamed94]

My actual questions: Why??
Why do people fall for other people, when their personalities clash?
Why do we choose one person?
When there are so many people out there with the same, if not better qualities than the one you love, why are we so depressed when we lose them?

Just looking for your theories on this people. No right or wrong.
I personally think love is a connection beyond science, because of all the messy things I mentioned above.

when you fall in love with someone you dont care if your personalities are similar or if you can get someone better. anything bad in the other person is now not important. thats why you are always hurt when you lose someone you love, regardless of the fact you can get someone better or not (even then better is very subjective). love is just something with no rational explanation.

[Snarpoki]

My own personal backstory: My best mate was with a guy who teenengaged (http://www.teenbar.net/showthread.php?380-Who-is-Stephanie-Pratt-engaged-to&highlight=love) was not right for her, they fought constantly, they had clashing personalities, but they stuck it out because they were in love. I accepted this.
I recently got to know this guy better, and whilst I know my bestie is messed up, he is most definitely more so.
I personally can't handle being lied to, or drunkenly yelled at / threatened. But that's the kind of person he is.
And somehow I fell for him.
Deep down I know he's a good person, he has qualities that make friendship easy, but he has MAJOR backstory issues that would make him difficult to be in a relationship with, and somehow I found myself wanting exactly that from him. I would have given up all my beliefs on relationships to try and make one work with this guy.. And I can't work out why.

Long story short, they broke up because of their issues and me and him have not spoken for a week now. It's not easy to deal with that, but I know I'll probably be better off in the long run if I just let him leave my life...

My actual questions: Why??
Why do people fall for other people, when their personalities clash?
Why do we choose one person?
When there are so many people out there with the same, if not better qualities than the one you love, why are we so depressed when we lose them?

Just looking for your theories on this people. No right or wrong.
I personally think love is a connection beyond science, because of all the messy things I mentioned above.

From my experience I would say people fall for each other because they are complementary but they fall appart because they don't know how they complement each other.

[kenoloor]

My actual questions: Why??
Why do people fall for other people, when their personalities clash?

Above poster said it perfectly:
people fall for each other because they are complementary but they fall appart because they don't know how they complement each other.

Why do we choose one person?

We don't, necessarily. If you're referring to the concept of soulmates, then my cynical --and realistic-- opinion is that it's a load of irrational shit.

When there are so many people out there with the same, if not better qualities than the one you love, why are we so depressed when we lose them?

Probably because you met your "lover" or developed a strong relationship before any others, and you therefore have an emotional investment in them.

Just looking for your theories on this people. No right or wrong.
I personally think love is a connection beyond science, because of all the messy things I mentioned above.

It's not. It's a chemical reaction. And if I have to, I'll write a goddamn essay about why it is nothing more.