Urges

[dark_soul777]

Right now the urge to cut is stronger than it has been for weeks.
I can't sleep in my room tonight as it's under repair, otherwise I know I'd be bleeding by now. It's been 31 days since lat I did.
I slept less than an hour last night, and It's already 2am here, looks like another shitty night. The urges are getting way more vivid; I can feel a heat in my legs that's all to similar to that of blood or healing wounds, my forearms are aching and in my minds eye I can see them being gashed open again and again like an infinite loop. It's one of the scenes from my dreams and every repetition makes it clearer.
I'm afraid If I fall asleep I'll have more dreams about it, they're always bad
Still, I haven't told anybody. Whenever I'm feeling good and I'm going to, I fall down hard and don't manage too.
Earlier tonight I had come to accept that I was going to cut, it didn't even take any conscious thought, I just knew. Now I can't go in my room to get my blades, but I am the only one still up and the kitchen knives are starting to look very attractive....

[Desuetude]

Get help, dial 211.

Hi everyone i am also new here. Looking for a great time here.

Wtf, how are these helping?

a month, thats great and yeah the urges would be bad and im not saying they will get any easier but you have to be strong. I hope you didnt use the kitchen knives. Is there any way that you can get sleeping pills, it may help the dreams to stop and you could take them at night when you get the urge to cut.
Just keep going, you dont have to cut try and do things to take the urges away. go for a walk or sit in a room where there are other people, make challenges with yourself and reward yourself for every day that you dont cut. I know it sounds stupid but it helps, getting out of a bad habbit you need something to aim for. I hope this helps and that your ok.

[Amaryllis]

Hey Robert, I know it seems really difficult to cope with now but the urges do fade in time. What you can do, though, is just try to think of something else before you sleep or find something else to obsess over. When I had my eating disorders, I thought about food 24/7 as well(except I couldn't sleep because I was underweight but you get the point) after my eating disorders kind of waned though, they just disappeared.

As for cutting, the first few weeks or even months are the worst but after you get pass that initial oh-shit-I-need-to-cut-phase, you just kind of don't think about it, most of the time.

It's okay to think about it, in fact, imagining it will probably keep you from doing it. Whether you act on your thoughts or not is what counts. Do everything you can to distract yourself, scroll through a never ending list of funny tumblr blogs, funny. Funny. I repeat, funny. Draw, listen to music, punch the crap out of a pillow, jump up and down and stomp on the floor, everything that doesn't involve hurting yourself or anyone else.

Cutting really doesn't solve anything and you can't possibly do it for the rest of your life because that wouldn't really be much of a life at all. Not to mention you'd have to hide them and it'd really hold you back from things.

When you feel like cutting, remind yourself why you shouldn't and don't want to. Talk to a friend or write in a journal.

Good luck, sweetheart.

Love,
Amaryllis

[dark_soul777]

I stopped myself. It was even worse last night though. It's 34 days now, but I don't know how much longer I can take it, things are all getting worse again.

[Desuetude]

Over a month, hey that's great! Just try to do things that distract you. Something productive might be most usefully but anything to keep you fixated on cutting. Just really try, make a list of all the reasons you want to stop cutting if it helps just so you know what your aiming for. Your doing sooo well!