dreamer18xx
January 9th, 2012, 07:47 AM
I hate feeling depressed for no apparent reason quite frankly it sucks and makes me feel like I'm an ungrateful person b/c I have things well that I should be happy about like the fact that I have a loving family that's all together (although crazy sometimes) I go to a nice school, I'm not living on the streets and other things too but for no reason I always feel depressed and suicidal it makes me feel horrible I don't understand why I can't be a happy normal kid with friends. I tried to get better i go to therapy but it just doesn't work. I feel like crap all the time and push people away b/c i alway feel like everyone would be better off without me as their friend. I tried to join a sport and get involved but my used to be best friend who sexually harassed me was on it too and at first I was sorta okay with it I felt super nervous every time I saw her but I thought I could deal with it but then she would talk to me about how we have to hang out and be all nice to me and I started to get pissed off at her which I kinda understand I should be...but it's not like I was raped or anything I feel like I don't have to be so upset it just makes me angry at myself b/c I always feel like I'm making a bigger deal out of it which is why I'm scared to talk about it with someone b/c they'll thinking over reacting or they'll blow it out of proportion and think I'm gay (nothing wrong with gay people btw <33).... *huff* I'm sorry this is turning into a rant but I tried to commit suicide 2 months into track ended up in a psych ward for 6 days including Christmas where I meet people that had the same problems as me like cutting depression and anxiety all that and they all seemed like they had it pretty tough (life wise) :( some guy who was a little older than me who tried to commit suicide too kept saying how he didn't get how I ended up there?? And he would just shake his head somtimes and tell me he couldn't see it and neither did most of the doctors they all told me I seemed like the type of girl with a future and they kept saying how they didn't understand why I was sad b/c I was a "beautiful girl" :( which made me sad and upset idk why. while I was there they put me on Prozac which I'm still on and I know it doesn't take effect for weeks....but its been a while and I still wake up every morning wanting to die I don't understand why I can't just be happy??