No Relationship = Loneliness

[trzxv515]

I don't know if I'm in the correct section.. Anyway.. I'm bi but no one in my school truly knows about me. It's so hard because I don't know how to look for anyone that I can date (guy or girl). I haven't seen any girl that interests me and it's a completely different story with guys 'cos apparently, all guys in my year are "straight" which I know is such a lie. It's so hard 'cos I'm getting so lonely and I need someone to be with. Any advice? Stuff that I can do to stop thinking about relationships yet? TIA! :yeah:

[Iron Man]

If people don't truly know about you, its probably because you don't get out much. Try chatting with people. Go to parties. If you want to find a girl/boyfriend, you have to start with step 1: socialize.

[trzxv515]

What I meant by "no one truly knowing me" is that I'm still in the closet and I don't think I can handle coming out as bi. We also have a very small population. :(

[Iron Man]

Oh. Well, you shouldn't be afraid to be yourself. If people don't accept you as a bisexual, fuck them. They aren't real friends.

[trzxv515]

I'm not scared of what people will think, I'm scared of myself. I don't know.. I think I'm not yet ready for myself. I really hate and so confused about my life right now. :|

[kenoloor]

You shouldn't rush yourself to come out if you're uncomfortable with that, especially if it presents a potential safety issue.

You also shouldn't have this incessant need for a partner. Being single doesn't have to be the same as being lonely; just like everything in life, it's what you do with it. If you have truly good friends, your feelings of loneliness will certainly be alleviated just from that.

Regarding partners (and I know I've said this somewhere else too), the harder you try to find one, the less likely you are to find one. In my experience anyway.

[trzxv515]

The problem is I don't have any friends here. I just moved in this country a couple of months ago, that's why. I agree with your last statement. I just can't help but be sad. Thanks anyway :D

[kenoloor]

The problem is I don't have any friends here. I just moved in this country a couple of months ago, that's why. I agree with your last statement. I just can't help but be sad. Thanks anyway :D

So your priority is finding a partner and not friends?

[Manga]

You shouldn't rush yourself to come out if you're uncomfortable with that, especially if it presents a potential safety issue.

You also shouldn't have this incessant need for a partner. Being single doesn't have to be the same as being lonely; just like everything in life, it's what you do with it. If you have truly good friends, your feelings of loneliness will certainly be alleviated just from that.

Regarding partners (and I know I've said this somewhere else too), the harder you try to find one, the less likely you are to find one. In my experience anyway.

You said it beautifully.

[trzxv515]

So your priority is finding a partner and not friends?

It's not that. Who wouldn't want friends? It's a pretty long story... I'd appreciate and really be happy if you can help me by talking privately. That's if you don't mind.. I jjust really need someone to talk to who I can be completely honest with. :(

[melia_allen]

just focus on your school work.... don't worry about "relationships" if anything just makes friends and then maybe....something will happen...

[trzxv515]

just focus on your school work.... don't worry about "relationships" if anything just makes friends and then maybe....something will happen...

Yeah that's why I'm itching for school. It's still holidays here and I still have 2 long weeks before classes start. I guess this feeling will subside once I get busy with school stuff. Do you think this is a case of S.A.D? I don't know though. Thanks.. :)

[melia_allen]

S.A.D?

[trzxv515]

S.A.D?

Seasonal Affective Disorder. I know it's unlikely 'cos it's summer and it usually occurs in winter but we can never tell..

[melia_allen]

it might be.. but it could also be because you don't have something to occupy your time while you are away from school....maybe try doing some stuff you enjoy to take your mind off of things...

[Slytherin_Prince]

If people don't truly know about you, its probably because you don't get out much. Try chatting with people. Go to parties. If you want to find a girl/boyfriend, you have to start with step 1: socialize.

I disagree. Socializing doesn't solve everything, and it definitely does not guarantee success. I know people who've been socializing their entire lives, and are still the very definition of lonely.


You also shouldn't have this incessant need for a partner. Being single doesn't have to be the same as being lonely; just like everything in life, it's what you do with it. If you have truly good friends, your feelings of loneliness will certainly be alleviated just from that.

Nothing more need be said. If you are lonely, desperately looking for a partner (instead of prioritizing the more important things in life) won't help you. If anything, it'll make it worse. If you are feeling lonely, find out the cause and take action. Still, you don't necessarily need other people to combat loneliness. As I said, you can know hundreds of people and still feel lonely. Just take everything one step at a time, prioritize and get everything straight, and then keep moving forward.

Most sincerely,
Robert.

[trzxv515]

it might be.. but it could also be because you don't have something to occupy your time while you are away from school....maybe try doing some stuff you enjoy to take your mind off of things...

I actually don't get bored 'cos I have heaps of things to do. But the feeling of not being able to share moments or not having someone that I can "lean" on never leaves me. :(

I disagree. Socializing doesn't solve everything, and it definitely does not guarantee success. I know people who've been socializing their entire lives, and are still the very definition of lonely.

Nothing more need be said. If you are lonely, desperately looking for a partner (instead of prioritizing the more important things in life) won't help you. If anything, it'll make it worse. If you are feeling lonely, find out the cause and take action. Still, you don't necessarily need other people to combat loneliness. As I said, you can know hundreds of people and still feel lonely. Just take everything one step at a time, prioritize and get everything straight, and then keep moving forward.

Most sincerely,
Robert.

Precisely... People are always around, I know, but I now they won't be there always. At the end of the day, I know I am still alone. That's why I'm more of looking for a partner than a friend. Because people have their own lives and they have the right to enjoy it with or without their friends, but you know, having the certainty that someone will stick up for you no matter what anytime anywhere is what I am looking for. I love being alone but I hate loneliness. Ironic. The thing is I'm a lost dog searching for his owner. I really don't know who I am right now. I'm so lost and I don't know myself anymore...

Thanks Robert :)

[melia_allen]

hmm too bad i am not in Australia...

[trzxv515]

hmm too bad i am not in Australia...

Aww thanks :D

[Gordo]

idk that relationship will fix loneliness cuz that one person isn't going to be with you all the time. If i had to choose between having a several friends and many acquaintences vs a relationship, i'd chose my friends in a heart beat. Groups of people are way more fun that just one person.

any chance at all that you'd find opp sex relationship? idk, ya may want to start just being more social which might be tough in what i took you to say was a small number of people or smaller school. My area has huge highschools so we know a lot of people at school. it would be hard not to if ya did anything afterschool like sports, music etc. on the weekends i'm getting to know kids from other highschools that are a couple miles away.

most kids i know aren't in a relationship anyway, so it would be more normal to not be dating.

[bena3217]

some poeple make the big mistake when looking for a gf/bf...sometimes you look in the wrong places and there might be somebody right under your nose that might like you and would do anything but feels to shy or thinks they not good enough but they wrong and sometimes you just dont realise they like you...i was like that...i always went out with the girls 2 years older that everybody wanted but i always got..then i went through them all and i felt lonley only to find out that girls my age like me too...and i never expected it...mabye sometimes just try and look in a diffrent way when looking for dates

[trzxv515]

idk that relationship will fix loneliness cuz that one person isn't going to be with you all the time. If i had to choose between having a several friends and many acquaintences vs a relationship, i'd chose my friends in a heart beat. Groups of people are way more fun that just one person.

any chance at all that you'd find opp sex relationship? idk, ya may want to start just being more social which might be tough in what i took you to say was a small number of people or smaller school. My area has huge highschools so we know a lot of people at school. it would be hard not to if ya did anything afterschool like sports, music etc. on the weekends i'm getting to know kids from other highschools that are a couple miles away.

most kids i know aren't in a relationship anyway, so it would be more normal to not be dating.

Thank you for the reply.. If you told that to me a year ago I would have agreed and I still would only if I didn't move countries. I used to like big groups of friends but when I moved here, everything changed. Main reason is the difference of culture. I'm often left out in conversations and the humour is different. It's like I can't keep up with them so I just keep silent. I am attending a small high school. I actually want to look for after-school activities (not sports though xD) but I can't find any at the moment.

some poeple make the big mistake when looking for a gf/bf...sometimes you look in the wrong places and there might be somebody right under your nose that might like you and would do anything but feels to shy or thinks they not good enough but they wrong and sometimes you just dont realise they like you...i was like that...i always went out with the girls 2 years older that everybody wanted but i always got..then i went through them all and i felt lonley only to find out that girls my age like me too...and i never expected it...mabye sometimes just try and look in a diffrent way when looking for dates

Thanks. :) I have actually decided to not look for anyone. I am one of those people who believe that "love" will come and you don't need to find it. I know that's bullshit but that's how my stupid brain thinks.

[momo....]

Poor thing but
I felt that too i gues we all felt it but the answer isn't wether u should had
A bf or gf but u [email protected] enjoy being single its cute to be single...
n if u had a gf or bf....... its like this

Its like an applle,some ppl pick on d ground but someone is not scared donot scared to pick on the top of the tree,but some ppl want to be easy so they pick,on d ground but some want d best so they pick on d top:wub: