Done with this.

[screamtobeheard]

I'm done. I am done. I am never eating again unless I'm forced. I hate myself so much, oh my god, I cannot take it. I have gained so much weight that it makes me want to die, and the only way I will ever be skinny enough is if I starve myself. Maybe I'll get lucky and die and then I won't have to look at myself anymore. I feel like such a fucking whale. I don't care how much progress I've made with my disorder anymore. I cut earlier because I felt disgusting, and now I'm sitting on my floor rocking because I can't stand to be this fat. I hate this so much. I want to lock myself in my room so no one can see how fat I am and I have no access to any of those sinful substances they call food, and I'll become nothing. That will be perfect. Then my body will match my worth. Yes, it's perfect. I am so done.

[TheHumanSpirit]

Food can be nutritious and healthy. If you feel you are gaining too much weight from eating, perhaps change the types of food you are eating instead. Try more fruits, vegetables, and proteins and go easy on the carbs. Not eating will actually halt your metabolism and cause you to put on pounds more rapidly should you choose to eat even just a snack. Eat smaller meals more often and drink lots of water to keep that metabolism revved up.

[Amaryllis]

Hey look, it's me again. Amanda, please. You might -think- you're done but I'm never giving up on you and I'll just keep making massive posts you hopefully read to try to talk you out of it.

I did not love myself when I was stick thin. You've seen my photos, most likely. If you haven't, message me. I was absolutely horrifying, I looked terrible. I might be heavier than I ever was before now, but I look so much healthier and better. People did not like me when I was skinny, in fact, they shied away from me as much as possible.

I hated myself the most when I was struggling with starvation, obsessive healthy eating and exercise. I hated my life, I hated everyone, I hated myself, I hated the world.

You will not feel any better and you will not love yourself at whatever weight you are until you learn to love -you-. Don't wait for your body to waste away before you decide that's it, I can't take it anymore, I will recover. I have damaged my body terribly and I miss my old hair and metabolism soooo much. You have the ability to recover and be happy - I had to wait till death came repeatedly knocking on my doorstep before I finally did anything.

Of course, recovery's difficult, I bounced back and forth all the time, but it is possible and completely worth it. Please, Amanda. Search for help. If your current psychologist doesn't work, find another. Open up and don't hold anything back. They're paid professionals and they are there for you to express everything to.

[screamtobeheard]

I know. You're right. Being skinny won't make me happy. I think I know that logically. But then I still...just...I don't know, there's that part of my mind that keeps telling me to do it anyway. I hate to say that it's part of me, but it is.

I stopped talking to my counselor because my mom wouldn't sign the consent form, and I really don't know how to get help without her help.

[Borxar]

Use the logic you can see to help tell yourself that it is dangerous to think that way. Theres nothing wrong with losing weight by changing diet and exercise, but who you are is special no matter what. Accepting this can be hard and you need a good support network, which I see glimpses of in your life, to help you maintain this belief. We often try to punish ourselves cause we dont feel accepted, but the changes we make dont always make us more accepted at all, so it starts with accepting yourself :)

[canadaski]

You can't possible match your weight with your value as a human being. If you're a good person, it will stay like that no matter how much you weigh. The people that are worth mentioning will love you for who you are as a person, not because of your physical appearances. Let the shallow assholes think what they want about you. You're a beautiful person, that's not going to change no matter how much you weigh.

I know you want to lose weight, and that's a great step. It just seems to me like you want to do it for the wrong reasons. Focus on your health instead of the perceived social aspect. If you find it helpful, look for a mentor or a friend that has a similar goal and you can go through the steps together. Nobody said you had to make the journey alone.

Always tell yourself that you can do it, I know you can.:)

[Payton]

If the tea, coffee and drinks like that are used excessively, than these problems can
be occurred.
But I don't consider it a problem.

[screamtobeheard]

If the tea, coffee and drinks like that are used excessively, than these problems can
be occurred.
But I don't consider it a problem.

I'm sorry?