Rant about everything i'm thinking

[jumpthedog]

First off, i'm sick of living a lie. I go to church with my family every Sunday and make them believe that i love it and enjoy church very much. But in reality, I want to explore other religions. I make it seem and basically act that religion (not saying which one) but don't feel the closeness or connection or any of the things my family feels with this church.

Second, I am at a school that I stay at home and do work. A sort of independent study, I guess. And its very straining on social interaction. Also, half my friends that I had at the public school I used to go to don't talk to me anymore. It seems as though they only hung out with me because it was convenient for them. I now only talk to 1-2 of my 50+ friends that I had and its quite depressing. Also, the more I talk to one of my friends that has had several relationships and needs consoling every once in a while, I realize how hopeless I am. No one will ever like me. No one will ever want to have a relationship with me. Whether thats true or not, I still feel that way.

Third. I keep trying to convince myself that I do matter to people, but I just simply don't feel like i'm important to anybody. I know that people would be sad if i suddenly died, but theyd get over themselves within a few hours.

Lastly, I keep trying to convince myself that i'm thinking like this, because of puberty. Im halfway in and my hormones are going frikking crazy. So this is the only argument I have against myself from just offing myself. Although that argument is growing old and the only things I have, to take my mind off these things is: music, books, and video games (which I have been very restricted on lately). The only other thing I can think to do to get rid of this annoying and aggravating mental war with myself is just offing my parents and getting the hell away from everything. Although I know that would be just plain stupid. Actually I just thought of a third way...a secret life of crime. Anyways, theres my rant about everything. And its kind of calming to type everything out onto here.

[TheHumanSpirit]

Think about what you love about you. What are the things that you do that make you happiest? Now, understand that you are loveable, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Even if you feel lonely to the point where you feel that no one wants to be around you, make sure you want to be around you, because when you find that unshakeable core of love for yourself buried deep down, you will understand that nothing else really matters quite as much.

Accept yourself for who you are. Accept your mistakes and your accomplishments. No one can be perfect, and those mistakes are exactly what got you here today, so enjoy the fact that you've grown from them. The religion issue is a tough one because a lot of parents feel that if you are living under their roof, you should also partake in the religious practices that they believe in; however, no one can force you to have genuine faith toward any religion.

[Desuetude]

Think about what you love about you. What are the things that you do that make you happiest? Now, understand that you are loveable, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Even if you feel lonely to the point where you feel that no one wants to be around you, make sure you want to be around you, because when you find that unshakeable core of love for yourself buried deep down, you will understand that nothing else really matters quite as much.

Accept yourself for who you are. Accept your mistakes and your accomplishments. No one can be perfect, and those mistakes are exactly what got you here today, so enjoy the fact that you've grown from them. The religion issue is a tough one because a lot of parents feel that if you are living under their roof, you should also partake in the religious practices that they believe in; however, no one can force you to have genuine faith toward any religion.

Thats pretty much it, you have to believe in yourself, you can be anyone you want to be, don't go along with being someone fake because thats how people expect you to act. If your 'friends' arn't calling you or keeping in touch they may be the people you want to be friends with anyway. Just remember that if you kill yourself your just getting an easy ticket out of life. You are going to hurt many people even if you don't think you will. all the people at school, they will blame themselves for not being friends with you, your parents will be distraught, your family will not be complete. It takes a long time to recover from a death so do not say that they will just forget about you in a few hours.

[snow661]

I feel the same way, but you can never believe that, someone will always love you