Terravolt
January 6th, 2012, 09:26 PM
A couple of days ago, I discovered something about my best friend that seems to have ruined his self-esteem, and I really need some help with this.
On Tuesday, I walked in on my best friend changing in our dorm. He was completely naked, but he was putting on underwear. I saw his genitals; long story short, they weren't what you'd call normal male genitalia. In fact, his genitals were characteristic of someone who was intersex, or a person who has characteristics of both males and females. In his case, he looks completely (and sounds/behaves) completely like a male, and he has no breasts—its just that his penis isn't the same size or shape as a normal male's.
When he saw me looking, he was horrified and extremely upset, and he dressed quickly and left. Later that day all he said to me was that he was intersex; since then we haven't spoken at all. I've been trying to talk to him, but he keeps avoiding my gaze and he won't spend more than five minutes with me, as if he's afraid I was going to ask him something about his body.
I've always known that he was somewhat "different" down there, but it's never bothered me. He's my best friend, and I love him for who he is, not what he looks like. The fact that he's intersex doesn't bother me at all; what bothers me is that he doesn't seem to feel comfortable at all about himself now, and that he seems to be afraid to talk to me or be around me, as if he's afraid I'm judging him, or as if he's afraid I think badly of him or hate him.
I tried to talk to him today but he started to cry and went to the bathroom. He hasn't come back since. I feel awful because I feel as if I ruined his self-esteem. I love him too much to hurt him, but I want him to be able to talk to me about it, because I would support him no matter what. How should I approach him about it? It's obvious to me that if I ignore it and don't talk about it, his behavior isn't going to go away. So how should I talk to him about this?
On Tuesday, I walked in on my best friend changing in our dorm. He was completely naked, but he was putting on underwear. I saw his genitals; long story short, they weren't what you'd call normal male genitalia. In fact, his genitals were characteristic of someone who was intersex, or a person who has characteristics of both males and females. In his case, he looks completely (and sounds/behaves) completely like a male, and he has no breasts—its just that his penis isn't the same size or shape as a normal male's.
When he saw me looking, he was horrified and extremely upset, and he dressed quickly and left. Later that day all he said to me was that he was intersex; since then we haven't spoken at all. I've been trying to talk to him, but he keeps avoiding my gaze and he won't spend more than five minutes with me, as if he's afraid I was going to ask him something about his body.
I've always known that he was somewhat "different" down there, but it's never bothered me. He's my best friend, and I love him for who he is, not what he looks like. The fact that he's intersex doesn't bother me at all; what bothers me is that he doesn't seem to feel comfortable at all about himself now, and that he seems to be afraid to talk to me or be around me, as if he's afraid I'm judging him, or as if he's afraid I think badly of him or hate him.
I tried to talk to him today but he started to cry and went to the bathroom. He hasn't come back since. I feel awful because I feel as if I ruined his self-esteem. I love him too much to hurt him, but I want him to be able to talk to me about it, because I would support him no matter what. How should I approach him about it? It's obvious to me that if I ignore it and don't talk about it, his behavior isn't going to go away. So how should I talk to him about this?