Embarrassed and Ashamed

[maramara]

Yesterday, I was getting out of the shower and I thought my parents were asleep. I like to shower after they're in bed, so I don't have to worry about them seeking the scabs in my ankles or ribs. They were still awake, however, and I began to panic at the thought of them seeing my shame. I made a mad dash for my room, not making eye contact with my parents and promptly shut the door. I then cried about how ugly my body was with these scars and scabs and how ashamed I am of what I do...

[niixx]

You really shouldn't be ashamed of your body. Apriciate it! And after all, its your family, you shouldn't hide it from them, you could ask them for help and talk about it with them. That would make you feel better. I hope i helped, and that it gets better! Good luck!

[mcadams1992]

Agreed ^^ we all have flaws withourselves but you know what its usually us that puts the most emphasize in them.... my woman used to cut an i never could figure out why she did.. but i talked to her about it an she has overcome it :D... and like the above person said you should talk to your parents they are your friends not the enemy and if not them then someone on here or some other adult figure... a teacher or a councilor at school.. your not alone on these things i hope it gets better for you

[maramara]

I can't talk to my parents, they'll lock me in a hospital. But..this is helping. And therapy. I'm slowly getting better.

[niixx]

I had to reply again. If they put u in the hospital, its for your good. I know you dont like hospitals, i know i dont. I hate going to the doctor, but sometimes you might have to. And im sure that doctors will help you. Anyway, i wish you luck with whatever you decide and im glad its getting better.

[Spook]

Don't let them get to you like that. If anybody has the impact on you to make you feel ashamed of your own body; that is not a healthy relationship. I know I said this in another response; but have you considered family therapy? I agree with Nikola; I hate doctors and therapists as well; but I do admit that they do help. I think you should talk to your parents about that option.

[maramara]

I have an intake appointment with a therapist soon, so I'm happy for that. They just...I dunno, have an uncanny ability to make me feel like shit,

[mcadams1992]

you will grow an learn to love yourself with time an someone else will love you as much as you do too :)

[maramara]

God, I really hope so..

[Totality]

I know how you feel.

It's not my parents, as they dont know anything but rest of my family make me feel shit.

Due to my disability - To them I'm not whole, not right - imperfect.

I'm ashamed to be part of my family.

[georgiamay]

I can't talk to my parents, they'll lock me in a hospital. But..this is helping. And therapy. I'm slowly getting better.

I can assure you that they won't put you in hospital just for talking. The truth is, by not talking you're making them even more worried. Talking is a sign that you're coming to terms with your problem; it's the first step towards overcoming it. It's not a sign that you need to be hospitalised, it's a sign that you're getting better.

Anyways, you really shouldn't feel ashamed. None of us will ever be perfect, that's not possible; we're only human. We all have little faults and flaws that we wish we could change. When we learn to accept that this is the way we are, and that's just how it is, we'll be happier. Believe me, you wouldn't be any happier if you didn't scars and scabs, because you'd be able to find something else that you don't like. If you just accept them, and realise that they're there and that there's nothing you can do about it now, you'll be able to move on and be happy with your body.

[RustyRockets]

Hey Mara

Your body is so strong and resilient that one day in the future, when this is behind you, you scabs will be gone, your skin will be pale and you scars will fade. The only thing that can really hurt you, permanently, is the stuff in your head and heart. Please don't be ashamed of marks and wounds, that only leads to self-loathing, which leads to more marks and scars. For a little while stick to showering etc when you know that nobody will be around, so you don't get stressed out.

Keep up the work with the professionals, the people who love you and everyone here and before long you won't have to worry about the scars. I hope that one day nobody here will :)

Take care, keep safe
Rus

[maramara]

:') I just read these, and they made me feel so much better. I'm on day 1 of stopping, and I can only take deep breaths and hope for the best. You're right, I shouldn't be ashamed, and it's part of me. Thank you, thank you so much