Old fashioned parenting abuse or not

[DerBear]

Now from about the 1990s we have had a lot more modern parenting e.g little to no physical/verbal punishment.

Now in the what we like to think as the days before we were born it was not unheard of hitting your child (not severly like punching and kicking as this is clear abuse) but slapping your backside or you ear, now thinking of how times changed it is abuse to many people if you just gave your child a light slap, I am unsure where I stand because there is a fine line between abuse and dicsipline and I was just wondering if you thought this kind of punishment would be classified as abuse because it is always clear when there is abuse involved but some see it as just a slap can be abuse and others see it as a lot more.

So where do you guys stand on this matter

[mcadams1992]

Growing up i was whipped with the BELT lol.. i think it is a good type of punishment it enforces in you that if you do a bad deed then you must have a consequence.. Im all for spanking my child but to beat on someone is completely and utterly disguisting an should not be tolerated. Im from the 90s so I grew up in what i like to think as the begging to a decline in "Pain" for lack of a better word as punishment an a increase in verbal "Dont do that again" type... to me it degrades the punishment an the kid will do the act again because there was no real action put in place to stop them but a simple verbal warning.. and abuse is shouted to widely today in my opinion.. We have grown soft an that leads to over sensative people IMO please give me some feed back im curious as well what everyone thinks..

[Genghis Khan]

Slaps are fine, verbal punishment is definitely fine. You can't redirect behaviour purely by positive reinforcement.

This sorta reminds me of when people criticised Cesar Millan (Dog Whisperer)'s techniques and labelled them 'ruthless and inciting fear into the dog' when all he would do is be assertive and use different kinds of touch to discourage bad behaviour.

It's such a steaming load when people take 'correctness' to point where they're dumping tons of melted butter on a single toast. Not using negative reinforcement to correct behaviour is abuse of operant conditioning and just straight up bad parenting.

[mcadams1992]

agreed ^^ im glad i was raised how i was this country has grown soft

[kenoloor]

When I was younger I'd get spanked and slapped, and I certainly don't think that should be considered abuse. Granted, my parents' reasons were absolute shit (i.e: if I said "dumb" or "stupid" I got spanked), but the actual act of slapping or spanking is hardly abuse. Now, if done in public, that's a whole 'mother question.

[Efflorescence]

Even trivial things are thought to be 'abuse' nowadays.......many children (from experience:)) need this kind of parenting.....what's important is that one does not take it too far and knows where to draw the line.

[PerpetualImperfexion]

Meh, I see no problem with a smack upside the head, or any other type of moderate physical punishment. In fact, I wish my parents had hit me more, but I understand why they didn't. My aunt and uncle are a prime example why this type of punishment is good. All of their children have the utmost respect for them and wouldn't think twice about doing something if they were asked and it was in their ability. I on the other hand am the exact opposite, I have no respect for my mother, and rightfully so seeing as how its her fault for raising me this way. Two examples of why this form of punishment works.

When I was younger I'd get spanked and slapped, and I certainly don't think that should be considered abuse. Granted, my parents' reasons were absolute shit (i.e: if I said "dumb" or "stupid" I got spanked), but the actual act of slapping or spanking is hardly abuse. Now, if done in public, that's a whole 'mother question.

Why not in public?

[Jupiter]

Slaps are fine, verbal punishment is definitely fine. You can't redirect behaviour purely by positive reinforcement.

this might be the best thing i have ever heard ever.

i agree.

[antiabort]

When I was a kid my mom would whack me on the ass with a wooden spoon, and you know what? it kept me from being a little ass hole. I am fine with certain physical punishments.

[Genghis Khan]

But negative reinforcement doesn't have to be physical.

That depends solely on the intensity of the situation. Your voice can only go so high.

[Genghis Khan]

I'm curious- do you think that corporal punishment (i.e. lashes) should be an option in court sentencing for certain cases?

Not really, I don't believe that it accomplishes anything.

If you're looking to compare these two, that would be a difficult case to make. If we're talking about giving people who've committed serious crimes (murder, rape etc.) lashes then I'd have to say it's not an effective method of prevention. The reasons for said crimes are usually more psychological than just 'bad behaviour'.

What I'm saying is, there's an optimal point till which I think physical negative reinforcement (PNR) becomes futile. If a child is consistently behaving aggressively, protesting, breaking the law and what have you, it's time to get them professional help from councillors/psychologists. Intensifying your beatings will just further damage their well being, make them less inclined to trust other people thus affecting future relationships based on trust/love.

It would be slightly far-fetched to assume that certain methods of PNR such as slapping will psychologically affect a child. If it ever does the child perhaps may be emotionally unstable in the first place but this is the exception rather than the rule. I usually don't mention personal experience in debates but I think one other person did too, so I'd just like to add that from my own past slapping hasn't proved damaging in any way, other than feeling a sting for no more than 10 seconds.

[gazazi1997]

All for spanking when its neccessary. There is a thin line between discipline and abuse, but its definitely there.

[huginnmuninn]

Anything done to inflict pain is a abuse in my book. It causes children to fear their parents and also leads them to believe that hurting people solves problems.

i was spanked a lot when i was younger and the only time i ever feared my parents was after i had done something completely irrresponsible or stupid and it probably kept me from doing a lot of bad stuff. and i dont think ive ever believed that hurting people solves problems. i was only spanked when i did something destructive, something that could have harmed me or others or when i was being rude and disrespectful. i think being spanked has probably made me a better person. when i see little kids at stores i can usually tell which ones have been physically disciplined and which ones that havent. the ones who run around and act foolish and whine and scream are usually the ones who arent physically punished.

[DerBear]

But it's ok for your parents to harm you?

Did he not just say he found it an effective way to keep them himself in line so that obviosuly means he found it okay, however if he came home and he said mum i got an A on my test and was slapped then he would not, you just find anything that causes anyone the slightest bit of pain an issue and therefore abuse whitch since you are being closed minded probably wont make you a good person to debate about this.

Why do you think being slapped if you did something wrong that could hurt yourself or others? as a member said above you are more likely to not take into account a telling off and physical creates fear and fear prevents one from doing the same thing again and again and then when you reflect you see how it benifited.

[huginnmuninn]

But it's ok for your parents to harm you?



There's no evidence to this at all.

i dont see at harm unless it results in lasting pain or physical damage. my parents spanked me on the butt and the pain passed in a couple of minutes and there was no damage done i think the most that happened was my ass might have been sore for a while. sometimes depending on why i was spanked i went outside about 5 minutes later and played with friends.

and youre right there is no evidence to for that second part but im too lazy to edit my post sorry.

[DerBear]

No. its not to okay to go around hitting people but if your parents have cause e.g you are being a danger to yourself or others then a small slap is okay.

Also its the fact that you are not even looking from both sides, you are only picking small parts of the argument and not debating the thread fully. you are only picking small parts of the thread

[DerBear]

That's the thing though, if a kid is being a danger to himself or others, don't you put that kid in danger by slapping him?



I am looking at both sides, and I understand that for some children it is a benefit... though I find physical contact an unnecessary form of punishment.

I'm sorry if I don't have a wall of text to greet you with, I try to respond to everything.

Okay sorry its just from what you posted last time it looked like you only looked from one angle.

Sorry unless a small slap triggers some massive truma and blood clouting for a small slap I dont think it puts the child in any danger.

Also you seem to be over looking the situation like how will a small hit scar a child for life?

And like a member said above a voice only sinks in so much and will only go so high

[huginnmuninn]

That's the thing though, if a kid is being a danger to himself or others, don't you put that kid in danger by slapping him?
.

i dont think a slap is gonna endanger a kid unless youre using excessive force and then it is abuse

[DerBear]

Yes thats because it was for NO if it was done because of bad behaviour then chances are you may of reflected and after discussing with your parents came to the conclusion that why they did it was to in the long run benfit you, by making you not make the same mistake twice.

The fact is it was for NO reason you were slapped so of course that is abuse

[Joshi]

CHILD ABUSE IS NOT OKAY. If Your Parents Hit You It Sorta Scars You Into Thinking Its Ok to Abuse Someone For No reason. Like In 20 Years From Now Your Married And had Kids, and Your Kid Broke A vase So You Hit Him/Her, Leaving The Same Scar That Was Left On You, And Passing Down Another Generation Meaning More People Getting Abused, Just Because Your Parents Hit You, And You Hit Your Kid And Your Kid Carries It On.

[kenoloor]

CHILD ABUSE IS NOT OKAY. If Your Parents Hit You It Sorta Scars You Into Thinking Its Ok to Abuse Someone For No reason. Like In 20 Years From Now Your Married And had Kids, and Your Kid Broke A vase So You Hit Him/Her, Leaving The Same Scar That Was Left On You, And Passing Down Another Generation Meaning More People Getting Abused, Just Because Your Parents Hit You, And You Hit Your Kid And Your Kid Carries It On.

Did you read this thread at all? It's a discussion regarding where the line is between disciplinary action and abuse. Obviously child abuse isn't cool.

[DerBear]

CHILD ABUSE IS NOT OKAY. If Your Parents Hit You It Sorta Scars You Into Thinking Its Ok to Abuse Someone For No reason. Like In 20 Years From Now Your Married And had Kids, and Your Kid Broke A vase So You Hit Him/Her, Leaving The Same Scar That Was Left On You, And Passing Down Another Generation Meaning More People Getting Abused, Just Because Your Parents Hit You, And You Hit Your Kid And Your Kid Carries It On.

I am sorry this is not about child abuse we have are debating the idea of the line between abuse and dicpline not is child abuse okay. cause we all know child abuse is wrong

[Ambrosia]

Close minded people have every right to debate it. There is no debate if you don't have someone who thinks opposite of you. You're being close minded by not letting them speak their opinion as well.
----

I was raised with spankings. Lots and lots of spankings. When I got to an age that my mother couldn't "turn me over her knee" and spank me, she began slapping. It was different to be slapped when I was younger, but these days if she raises a hand to me all Hell breaks loose. It's not abuse, and it never has been, unless your parents start whipping out those sticks, coat hangers, and super painful metal-lined belts to hit you across the back with it.
If my mother ever tried to slap me anywhere else on my body, other than my face, I would immediately jump into defense. It just depends.
This country is getting soft. We need to grow some balls! I'll be slapping my children when they misbehave.

[green]

smacking a child as punishment is a-ok to me. standing over a child and saying "now timmy, it was bad to take the chocolate, i dont want you taking the chocolate ever again ok timmy? Good boy now go play" doesnt work. neither does verbal reprimanding either. it doesnt work.

[Jess]

eh...a little slap is okay, especially for little kids when they misbehave, but using an object is definitely not

[gazazi1997]

I'm glad I was spanked. I see kids nowadays cussing out their parents calling them bitches and assholes and I think to myself, "You need a good ass-whooping".

[DarkNick]

I disagree about the slapping thing...
I'm one of the most well and open minded persons out there so far (based on what people say) and my parents have slapped me only once since the day I was born...
They made sure that I would understand what I did wrong by speech,pressure when needed and by some other punishments.I never got afraid of them, I never thought that they were gods that I must listen or anything like that.I think that I'm raised up by the healthiest way out there.They never made me like things 'cause I had to, they were just looking after me to make sure that I won't become a jerk...
Yes I've used swears against them but I knew where to stop.They were explaining to me what I was doing wrong and I would apologise to them after if I did something wrong or bad...I'm proud that they are my parents and that they didn't have this angry and ugly behavior towards me...I hear the neighboor sometimes that she screams at her children and hits them...I want to kill her with a bazooka sometimes...Why should a kid deserve a slap 'cause she or he didn't finish her/his whole dinner or 'cause it woke up 5 minutes later?I see scared kids everywhere 'cause of that kind of method or maybe many jerks that have psychological traumas...
If you ask me if I will do the same to my kids...Yes I will teach them with the same way my parents did and maybe even more soft and in the same way teaching....
After all parents are people and they might be wrong as well sometimes...They need to know it sometimes...

[curryjacket]

When I was younger, I got spankings a lot... pretty much every day. Granted, I was awfully stubborn and I remember doing things deliberately because my parents said not to. So do I blame my parents for spanking no? Absolutely not. It helped mold me into a sensible person, and I credit a lot of my being able to be patient and treat others respectfully to my being spanked when I was younger.

However, I do not agree with parents that spank teens. Once I turned 12 or 13, I did not care if I would get spanked or not. The worst kind of punishment was being grounded.

My mom, to this day, threatens to spank me often. I am 16. I do not agree with that, and I know, personally, it would do nothing but cause resentment in me toward her. When a child gets to a certain age (and it definitely varies) I don't think spanking is needed or smart. And spanking should NEVER go from a slap to all-out hitting/punching. Never. No matter how old or young the kid is or what they did that is causing them to get a spanking.

[dead]

This whole 'abuse' should be treated on a case by case basis in my own opinion.

[Quercus]

I believe the old fashioned spanking never hurt anyone, it was done for years and years.. i bet 90% of all of your parents were spanked.
Personally i was spankee often, once with a belt, I crossed highway by myself when i was 6.. your dang right i deserved it. And i never did it again. Will i do it to my kids? Yes more then likely, maybe not in public but i will.
I also believe that there comes an age where spankings are inappropriate, after the age of 10-11 groundings should then be followed.
Some parents get irrate with the whole thing, my ex's parents being one of them parents.. i watched her mom pull her hair and smack her once... alittle over the top imho

[Jamesk0050]

I think spanking is okay as it teaches a kid right from wrong but only used occassionally. I still get it smetimes like 2-3 times a year but for the worst trouble and I get grounded too but mostly its grounding and no spanking.

[Phosphene]

I think spanking is okay as it teaches a kid right from wrong but only used occassionally. I still get it smetimes like 2-3 times a year but for the worst trouble and I get grounded too but mostly its grounding and no spanking.

Please don't bump threads :locked: