Help me!!!!!!

[Sammyishappy]

Hi I'm new here and I don't know where I should have posted this, but I feel like I'm going crazy!
First of all in the past year or so many family members have died. All my grandparents died very suddenly recently because of cancer. Also my great aunt died of old age at 92 and my dog who my family has loved for longer than i could talk died the week before Christmas. Needless to say we didnt celebrate much then.
A few years ago my parents split up. Not officially or anything but dad lives on the other side of town and mum is often slagging him off over absolutely everything.
At school I'm in the accelerated group and have joined the debating club. I get teased for being smart and since the debating club is mainly girls (except for me) I get teased for that two. I'm not very good at most sports except for badminton. I do feel swamped by the extra homework and often hand in work late, much to the dismay of my teachers.
I have auburn hair as does all but 12 of my entire extended family. At school I get called "ranga", "ginger", "rusty" and "bluie". I am thirteen but started puberty when I was ten. I'm tall for my age and tower over my friends. I feel out of place and get teased because of my deep voice. People often expect me to be responsible even though I do the same things as the other kids. I am alright with my body except when I'm near other people. I feel fat and chubby next to my best friend who is more than a foot younger than me. I feel like a pig with my once sent hunger which I know is normal for teenagers. When people bully or tease me I try to laugh it off to show it doesnt bother me and even make more jokes about myself. But often I cry myself to sleep.
I have friends at school, but I have never really been able to accept people liking me. I keep on thinking I'm their "friend" just there to make them look good no matter how many times they tell me otherwise. I even make fun of myself to make sure they look better so they'll hang out with me.
I only recently found out about masturbation and porn through one of my guy friends. It has lead to me questioning my sexuality. I like girls and am in love with one of my female friends. But lately I've been noticing guys as good looking and sometimes think off them when I madturbate, but I don't feel the same way to them as I do to my special friend.
Which raises another problem. I'm in love! And I have absoulutely no idea if she likes me back and I don't know how I would find out either. I don't feel confident with just a confrontation and have been looking for different glances and looks, words and tone and even body language. I don't have a clue what in doing.

Thanks for reading and please help me. Sometimes I think how easy it would be to end it all.

[screamtobeheard]

Hey, hun. First off, welcome to VT.
It sounds like you're really overwhelmed with everything in your life right now, which is understandable. You're young, and a lot of things are happening in your life right now. I'm very, very sorry about all the deaths in your family. I know how it feels to lose a lot of people in a short amount of time. Only time will heal that pain. I can't say I relate to your parents splitting up, but I do know what it feels like to have one parents "slagging off" the other all the time. It's rough, I know. But you just have to remember that it isn't your fault, and that your parents still love you. People will always tease you for being smart. It's just the nature of kids. And if you weren't smart, they'd tease you for being unintelligent. If it's hurting you, I'd suggest confronting them about it. If that doesn't work, then you need to realize that they're not worth your time or energy. Believe me when I say I know how hard that can be. You can't be good at everything. Don't feel too bad about your lack of athletic ability, but if you work at it, I'm sure you could improve your skills if it bothers you too much. Homework is just a part of high school. Some kids do it on time. Some kids do it late. Some kids are so apathetic that we don't do it at all. Your teachers will forgive you, don't worry unless it starts affecting your grades. Although I would suggest (hypocritically, of course) that you make an effort to get it in, and as close to on time as possible.
...You get teased for having auburn hair? Auburn hair is beautiful, I don't care what anyone says. Your friends will catch up with you soon, as far as puberty goes, so don't worry too much about that. And as far as being tall for your age...I'm tall for my gender. I'm 6 feet tall, and most of my friends are about 5 feet, 4 inches. Hold your head high. Be proud of it (trust me, everyone is secretly jealous). Try not to compare yourself to others. It's the downfall of us all. You're perfect the way you are.
It's hard to know who's your friend and who's your "friend" nowadays, but you'll figure that all out in time. Don't change yourself for other people. If they don't accept you how you are, you don't need them.
It's okay to not be 100% sure about your sexuality just yet. You just need to keep exploring until you find out how you lean. You'll figure it out. You're only 13. You've got time.
Ah, love. Talk to her. You can do it. 20 seconds of courage is all it takes, and you never know what good could come from it.
And to wrap up my lengthy response, ending it is never the answer.

[Sammyishappy]

Thanks Amanda. That is the best piece of advice I have ever gotten. And your right, they can't avoid puberty FOREVER! And I'm not fat it's just he hasn't changed since he was nine. And I'll be sure to ask her when school starts again. Thanks again Amanda.

[screamtobeheard]

I'm glad I could help you! Good luck.

[SIR009]

Here a little help with finding out if she likes you when I was 14 I liked a girl but was shy about asking her out so I would talk to are mutal freinds and tell I liked her and eventuly it got back to her and when I finally got the courage to ask her out she asked me first so maybe she'll catch on that you like and she might let you know if she fells the same way
Ps sorry for all your loss

[SIR009]

Here a little help with finding out if she likes you when I was 14 I liked a girl but was shy about asking her out so I would talk to are mutal freinds and tell I liked her and eventuly it got back to her and when I finally got the courage to ask her out she asked me first so maybe she'll catch on that you like and she might let you know if she fells the same way
Ps sorry for all your loss