mummyK
December 31st, 2011, 04:47 PM
So to put it as short as i possibly can, ive known this guy for about 5 years now. We've never been just friends, but we've never been official either. Back at the beginning we were just screwing with eachothers minds, making eachother crazy jelous and we used to have massive arguments and one off us would take off for a few months. Well 3 years ago i ended up loosing my v to him and off course a couple days later something bad happened and he left. There was no argument, he just cut me out. I thought we were done for good, when a year later he came back. Same thing happened again. I was just so done with the drama and him and i wanted to just get over it. So i started seeing someone new and i got pregnant, the relationship didnt work out, things happened to quickly. When i found out, he came back again and out off everyone i knew he was the only person i was sooo worried about telling. He took it okay, i saw him once till i had the baby. He text me asking how i was feeling etc when i had my son. I started meeting up with him about 2 months after i had baby, just as friends - he'd come over we'd order food and just watch films cos he just got a new girlfriend. Well after about a month or so one thing led to another and it just kept happening. Then he turned round and said he loved me and wanted to be with me. Me being me nearly had a frickin heartattack. We got in an argument, he sat there and asked me if i wanted to be with him and i wanted to say yes i just couldnt bring myself to say it. Im not the type of person that runs round telling people i love them, i dont show emotion, im just not like that. He took off, hes still with his gf. Couple days later i knew i effed up sent him a message practically begging him to come back and i found out him and his gf slept together for the first time the day before i sent the message. I knew that was it. He didnt reply to my message, or the 50 other i sent him. I just feel completly broken as a person. Its been 3.5 months since he left and im still crying about it now, and its just hard because im not that type of person. I know i gotta get over it but i just dont see how someone who i went through so much with could just walk away and cut me out. I guess im scared im gonna move on and hes gonna come back like always. I dunno why im writting this, just need to get it out i guess. I keep looking through all our old messages from wayy back and i just wonder if anything he said to me is true. He even knew the frickin date we first slept together. I just dont understand.