My crisis

[Efflorescence]

I hope that this will not make me live up to my username or that you won't be too shocked at my honesty about being dishonest, but here it goes:

Many years ago, when I was just a beautiful little girl, everything was alright.

Then, I started growing up, getting uglier and uglier, fatter and fatter. And I decided that I didn't have anything anyone could love anymore (stupid I know). Mom didn't help either. So I made a stupid decision.....I decided to start wearing what I call 'masks'. Sometimes I would be 'D- the outgoing' or 'D- the compassionate' according to what people wanted me to be....... but never myself.

And about a year ago, I thought I 'd like to change and be 'myself' again but then, I realised that 'myself' existed no more and that I had forgotten who I really was.

And this has all been taking its toll on me. My grades are rubbish, I am filled with hatred and sometimes I have thoughts of doing very stupid things, even ending it. If you have any advice on how I can make these thoughts go away, your help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks loads and loads and pls do help.

[Amaryllis]

Hey, D(I think that was your name because you repped me once with that. I think. If not, please correct me. Sorry xD Oh! Just checked your thread again, yep, D.) You know, in our changing world, adaptability is good - to have paradoxical traits is good. I do not believe any one of us are born a certain way and that that must be what we are.

I was quiet during the first decade of my life, now I'm extremely loud. I've been through the gothic-emo-depressed phase, the girly-cute-smiley phase and... Well, let's just say I used to believe as you do now.

The thing is, you, me, we can be anything and anyone we wish to be. Everyone and the world is constantly changing, seasonal trees grow, wither, fade and blossom, people who were once easily breakable can grow stronger and where we were once immature may now lie maturity.

Think of yourself as a multi-faceted crystal, each part may be a different colour, be a different size and shine differently, but it still is the same crystal. When I was little(r) I felt as if I'd lost myself, like "Z" didn't really exist, I was just a shell, a robot, walking around being what I believed I -should- be. But in reality, we only feel lost because we think we are.

The fact is, you will never be able to control the feelings or thoughts of anyone else. I've read many, many self-help books and I've shaped my personality into whatever I felt I should be. I wasn't born empathetic, in fact, until my eating disorders came about, I'd say I was quite apathetic and perhaps even cruel.

There is no shame in caring about what others think - because we all do, to some extent. It's natural for humans to yearn for acceptance in society, that's how our ancestors survived. Be whatever you want to be, be compassionate and detached, be bold and shy, be messy and neat.

Being a single personality type is much too mainstream ;)

[joshtheguitard]

Hey D, I'm not gonna lie, your story really was heart-wrenching. I've known plently of people in my family and friends' circles who seemed to have some of the same trouble with trying to find out who they really are. Some of those same people I think of now have found happiness in something -an art, vocation, passion, religion- you name it.

Think of your personality like...a piece of art, for instance. You can design, make, or construct it in any way you want it to be, and you can keep working on it until, well, I guess whenever they're happy with it- I myself have not attained that yet and I imagine it's a lifelong thing. I don't believe you're limited to anything. I believe that you're only as limited as you believe yourself to be.

I hope I helped.

[Efflorescence]

Hey, D(I think that was your name because you repped me once with that. I think. If not, please correct me. Sorry xD Oh! Just checked your thread again, yep, D.) You know, in our changing world, adaptability is good - to have paradoxical traits is good. I do not believe any one of us are born a certain way and that that must be what we are.

I was quiet during the first decade of my life, now I'm extremely loud. I've been through the gothic-emo-depressed phase, the girly-cute-smiley phase and... Well, let's just say I used to believe as you do now.

Think of yourself as a multi-faceted crystal, each part may be a different colour, be a different size and shine differently, but it still is the same crystal. When I was little(r) I felt as if I'd lost myself, like "Z" didn't really exist, I was just a shell, a robot, walking around being what I believed I -should- be. But in reality, we only feel lost because we think we are.


Hey D, I'm not gonna lie, your story really was heart-wrenching. I've known plently of people in my family and friends' circles who seemed to have some of the same trouble with trying to find out who they really are. Some of those same people I think of now have found happiness in something -an art, vocation, passion, religion- you name it.

Think of your personality like...a piece of art, for instance. You can design, make, or construct it in any way you want it to be, and you can keep working on it until, well, I guess whenever they're happy with it- I myself have not attained that yet and I imagine it's a lifelong thing. I don't believe you're limited to anything. I believe that you're only as limited as you believe yourself to be.

I hope I helped.

First of all, I would like to thank you very much for your help. And I never thought about it like that. I am always afraid of people calling me inconsistent or something like that.

And I as well go through these phases. I think I'm still searching and finding out new things about myself. It's that at times I'm so unpredictable and many people around me don't like it.