Anger... what to do?

[Desuetude]

My parents are divorced and i spend alternate weeks and each house. I don't know why or what triggers it off but each time I move i start to get really angry or upset. When i get to the other house i have to unpack all my things and i usually break down so I end up turing my music right up in the docking station so no one hears me.
I need a more quiet was of taking out my anger as i have tried kicking and punching things, stress balls, screaming at people and nothings seems to work. I feel like my parents are starting to get fed up with me therefore i get more angry and I detatch myself now spending at least 90% of my time alone in my room, only going downstairs when there's a meal.
I don't know whats wrong with me and I have no idea why i feel this was as they have been split up scince i was 6 and i have only been feeling this way for the past 4 months (i'm 13 now). Thank you for taking the time to read this and it would be really helpful if anyone had any ideas.

[Gandalf]

Maybe you don't like the constant change, and the anger could result from feelings of sadness or confusion or fear you had when your parents first divorced, and these feelings have remained dormant until now and something may have triggered this. Therefore these feelings return every time you have to move again.

I sense that if you could work out what triggers it, would make it easier for you to change this.
Think back (in your mind) how did you feel about your living arrangements when it started?
Ask yourself, what has changed.


Have you spoke to your parents about this? Getting it out in the open could help. Maybe you should speak to a counsellor, or another adult you trust.

As for dealing with the anger, try and take your mind of it by doing things you enjoy.

I hope I've helped, and if you need anything else PM me :)

[Desuetude]

Maybe you don't like the constant change, and the anger could result from feelings of sadness or confusion or fear you had when your parents first divorced, and these feelings have remained dormant until now and something may have triggered this. Therefore these feelings return every time you have to move again.

I sense that if you could work out what triggers it, would make it easier for you to change this.
Think back (in your mind) how did you feel about your living arrangements when it started?
Ask yourself, what has changed.


Have you spoke to your parents about this? Getting it out in the open could help. Maybe you should speak to a counsellor, or another adult you trust.

As for dealing with the anger, try and take your mind of it by doing things you enjoy.

I hope I've helped, and if you need anything else PM me :)

Thanks this does help a bit. The thing is they split when i was 6 and a lot has changed with the living arragements between then and now, well tbh a lot has changed as a hole. I know its sounds weird but i'd hate for my parents to get back together because i've know them for so long to be appart.

I have no clue what could or would trigger them I just get so overwhelmed by it that i have to do something. As i said it usually happens just as i get back from the others house so i need to unpack, eat and then sleep, not really any time to do things i enjoy and i wouldn't know what to do anyway.

I really don't think i can talk to an adult, my mum and dad have spent so much time trying to make it as 'comfortable' as it can be for me and my sister apparently and they try to lighten the mood by saying, 'well at least you have two bedrooms' yes because thats what i've always wanted...
They just don't understand.

[TeddyBearRock]

Well your 13 now and this is normal. You see when you were 6 you didn't really understand what was happening. And nOw your 13 yOu understand it. I stead of packing get clothes to keep at each house this way you don't have to keep packing, and you won't get that feeling when yOu unpack. This feeling could be linked to something that has maybe happen. You could have seen one Of your parents packing at everytime you Pack it trigger that emotion you felt the first time

[Desuetude]

Well your 13 now and this is normal. You see when you were 6 you didn't really understand what was happening. And nOw your 13 yOu understand it. I stead of packing get clothes to keep at each house this way you don't have to keep packing, and you won't get that feeling when yOu unpack. This feeling could be linked to something that has maybe happen. You could have seen one Of your parents packing at everytime you Pack it trigger that emotion you felt the first time

I guess so but I don't think the feelings would all of a sudden jump to age 13 (now 14) without feeling angry at anyone when I was 10/11 plenty old enough to understand what's going on, my sister does.
Yeah my parents have brought up the one set of clothes at each house thing and we tried it but everything gets muddled then they argue about who payed for what.
I don't think its the packing that triggers the anger off, it's what packing represents. The fact that you can fit everything you bed for 2 weeks into a holdal and 2 plastic bags is not a nice feeling. So yeah thanks for posting.

[Gizzie]

Maybe you can just stay in one house, and visit the other house when you feel ready to visit....What I am trying to say is that you get shipped from one house to the other every 14 days. Maybe that is the problem.
Like you said, to accommodate that life style, you obviously have to make sure you have only what you can carry around with you.
Its not a great feeling to feel uprooted and with out a real "home"...

I kinda went through this myself.
I was moving houses every few years, and I grew up in different countries so i dont have a home town or friends I grew up with.
I always only kept what I can pack and leave on a few weeks notice.
I always felt like "well, I wont be here for long anyways..."
And always took care not to leave any marks on the walls, stains on the carpet,etc.

Recently though, I moved into a house where I intend to stay for a while.
I am buying things I never bought before because I know I will be there.
i know it doesnt seem like much but it does have an effect on the psyche.

So, I do understand that you dont want to talk to adults about it, but instead of saying "I just want to stay in mom/dad's house" see if you can negotiate to move in your own timing. :)

Apart from that, you can just find a different way to vent your anger.
i took up boxercise lessons and it was cool because you get to punch and be violent and get a work out at the same time.
I know a few friends who are in the demolition business part time, because smashin people's houses down with a sledge hamme ris a great stress releaser.
Of course, being 13, you cnat be a demolition staff, but maybe the idea can inspire you to find your own little fun? LOL

[Desuetude]

Maybe you can just stay in one house, and visit the other house when you feel ready to visit....What I am trying to say is that you get shipped from one house to the other every 14 days. Maybe that is the problem.
Like you said, to accommodate that life style, you obviously have to make sure you have only what you can carry around with you.
Its not a great feeling to feel uprooted and with out a real "home"...

I kinda went through this myself.
I was moving houses every few years, and I grew up in different countries so i dont have a home town or friends I grew up with.
I always only kept what I can pack and leave on a few weeks notice.
I always felt like "well, I wont be here for long anyways..."
And always took care not to leave any marks on the walls, stains on the carpet,etc.

Recently though, I moved into a house where I intend to stay for a while.
I am buying things I never bought before because I know I will be there.
i know it doesnt seem like much but it does have an effect on the psyche.

So, I do understand that you dont want to talk to adults about it, but instead of saying "I just want to stay in mom/dad's house" see if you can negotiate to move in your own timing. :)

Apart from that, you can just find a different way to vent your anger.
i took up boxercise lessons and it was cool because you get to punch and be violent and get a work out at the same time.
I know a few friends who are in the demolition business part time, because smashin people's houses down with a sledge hamme ris a great stress releaser.
Of course, being 13, you cnat be a demolition staff, but maybe the idea can inspire you to find your own little fun? LOL

Right, yesterday it was swapping house day so i was abke to talk to both parents. I asked Dad about it and he said what if im away for the night, 14 seems a bit young to be staying by yourself. I left that one but honestly i don't think so, im sensible and mature enough to make the right decisions and i have yet to burn down either house. Mum says we will have a chat about it but I know how that chat is going to go. They just don't listen to me.
They fit me and my sister around their busy sceduals and then when i say its not fair my mum blames it on me using the old "its not easy being a single mother..." blah blah, but you know i just feel no sympathy whatsoever.

With the anger stuff i've found some other ways of taking that out, it might not be the best but at least it works. I am still shouting at people but i seem to care a lot less than i did so, yeah. I just feel being 14 i'm old enough to make my own decisions, they don't even let me go to the shop 2 minutes away when it's a tiny bit dark though so i really don't see this happening but i'll try. Thanks for the help