Help me, please.

[screamtobeheard]

I don't know what day it is, but this has all been going on since Christmas.

On Christmas, my mom got angry at me because I asked her if I could go to my boyfriend's house for a little bit. He was spending a lot of time with us that day, and his mom actually wanted to see me, and it wouldn't be too much time. Just a little. I waited to ask her, because I was trying to figure out her plans for the day, but apparently that was a bad idea because she was incredibly angry. I also said I might give my boyfriend his gift at his house, but I ended up giving it to him when he was with us. So apparently she was upset about that as well.

I understand that she was upset, but she didn't speak to me since Christmas until today. I think it's been two or three days? I'm not really sure, nor do I really care. The things she said on Christmas were terrible. She told my dad, "she can get pregnant and ruin her life like her cousin did." I don't know why, but that actually really bothered. She also asked me if I was having sex with my boyfriend and I told her no (for the record, I wasn't lying. I'm a virgin.), but she refused to believe me, and screamed at me. And I just kept hearing her say awful, awful things about me to my dad. Like I wasn't there. I went upstairs, and I went in the bathroom, and I broke down. I started crying so hard. I told myself I wouldn't let her get to me, but she does. She's my mom. I want her to like me. I want her to love me. But no. Instead, I get this. I collapsed in front of the mirror, holding onto the sink to keep me somewhat up, and I just had this beautiful picture in my head of myself, bleeding furiously. The sink coated, my face paling. I made my way into my room and laid on the floor, crying some more. Contemplating what I was going to write in my suicide note. Then my dad made me go out, and I kinda pulled myself halfway together.

Since then, I've been randomly breaking down (I do this anyway, but more than usual), and I actually have a clearly drawn out plan for my suicide. I don't want to do anything. I want to sleep. I don't even want to play my guitar. Or sing. Or go on tumblr (I'm the worst addict). Or see my boyfriend. I want to lock myself in my room and not eat ever and sleep and sleep and be alone.

Someone please help me.

[Oath]

In all due respect, you are getting way to worked up over something so minor. It is completely normal to have feuds with parents. I would literally be shocked if someone told me they have never fought with their parents, siblings, cousins. Everyone has gotten into quarrel's with their family. Have you ever tried to better the relationship between you and your mother? Perhaps spending time with just the two of you? I think she has mixed expectations of you. Whether it is between your boyfriend or not, she is just concerned about you and is expressing it in her best way possible. I would not want you to take your own life over something like this. I'm sorry that you are not feeling well. I'm sure if you sit down with your mother and have a deep conversation with her, all of these problems will be solved. The main concern is that she believes that you will imitate what your cousin did. Try to get this thought out of her mind. Stay strong, look at the situation from the other side.

[screamtobeheard]

You can't have a conversation with my mother. I've tried. You get lectured by screaming. I am not fighting with my mother, I am being attacked.

I understand that I come off as a typical overdramatic teenager, and you won't believe me if I tell you I'm not. But please don't just tell me you think I'm overreacting. Everyone has their problems and they aren't always as easy as they seem.

[Manga]

You have to be careful and fix this before things get to the point of where I am at.

My mother knows I don't like her, worst she knows I don't love her. It's true too, and it all started out with fights like this. So before you get to that with your mother. I think you should make a list of points you want to talk to her and your father about. These points should be things that your mother says that bother you. Then get your parents together and start talking about these points, maybe ask your dad ahead of time for some help encase she might angry. Talking things out is always the best way to handle things.

[Darkness.]

All i want to do is give you a big hug. :hug: I do agree with the people above me. Don't let it get worse otherwise it will just split your family in half.

[screamtobeheard]

Thank you guys for your help. I can't really talk to her about the things that bother me, though, and my dad won't help. If I try to talk to her, she ends up screaming over me and ignoring anything I say. And she has a way of stealing any conversation. Plus, my dad won't help because he says there's no getting through to her, and we just have to deal with her insanity. He says I'm lucky because eventually, I get to leave, but he's stuck with her for the rest of his life.

[Darkness.]

Maybe your mum should get help. I find it really sad that your dad thinks that way.

[screamtobeheard]

That's what I said, but no one listens to me around here.