Inner Demon

[shatter..]

I don't think this is any sort of illness but it is a mental aspect so I decided to post it here. Feel free to move it if you need to.

~~

I have always had dark thoughts. Disturbing images run through my mind, always been fascinated by the unknown, the shadows. Everything demonic that scared my friends intrigued me. To give you an idea of what I am talking about here is an excerpt from my journal. Keep in mind that this is my writing and the rights to it belong to me.

Entry:

I really appreciate having a journal. A place where my demonic thoughts and images are finally welcome. This demon has been in me for a while now. It is not a voice; it is another aspect of my personality. It is triggered by thick forests, alternative music, anger, the dark. This is what I have found so far. I get the urge to snarl and can lash out. I can also give "evil" stares. Vassline has been a big help as listening to the dark lyrics resonates with my own energy and calms the beast down. Making me feel powerful yet in control.

<End>

Vassline is a band I found in September.

If you would like me to explain further please ask any questions.

Have you experienced this? Do you know someone who is similar?

[Stronger]

I have never experienced this before, I suggest watch the show A Haunting, they do shows on this stuff and maybe you can find your answers

[shatter..]

I'll check it out soon. I'm just trying to see if anyone else on this site has experienced this. ^_^

[Stronger]

How long has been going on for, do you feel any physical pain?

[shatter..]

No physical pain. Just these emotions and feelings. I feel different from others. More dark. Sorry if this isn't making any sense to you.

[Stronger]

It makes sense but the dark, part interesting

[shatter..]

Yes, I thought it would interest many. Do you know of anyone who has experienced this?

[Stronger]

Yes, I thought it would interest many. Do you know of anyone who has experienced this?

I dont tbh, this may sound weird, but how do you feel around crosses and holy objects?

[Mutibann]

I dont tbh, this may sound weird, but how do you feel around crosses and holy objects?

Holy crap! You think she's posessed? umm... I hope not cuz I've experienced it too.

[Stronger]

Holy crap! You think she's posessed? umm... I hope not cuz I've experienced it too.

Chill, it was just a suggestion, and are you being serious, have you really?

[shatter..]

I feel fine around them. Neutral.

[Fiction]

Can I ask if you suffer from any mental disorders? Depression etc.

Also how real do you believe this to be?

I feel something similar, not the same but similar. There's a part of me that knows it's not true, but there's another part that finds it hard to ignore the evidence. I feel like there's "evil" inside me. Like you said it's not a voice but more of a part of me, it's a force rather than a being. It effects everything I do. It doesn't effect my behaviour it effects the consequences, like no matter what I do a negative consequence always occurs. Bad things always seem to happen around me, to the people I come into contact with, whether I want it too or not.

More similar to what you go through i've sometimes had the feeling that I can do what I want and I will never get hurt. The force is more powerful than me, and while it hurts everyone around me, it needs me, so it'd protect me. The only way it hurts me is by hurting the people I love, and by me knowing it's my fault. This is sort of similar to your feelings of power I guess.

I think ours is slightly different of course. My suggestion would be to talk to a professional about this, however I know how hard that is. I can't tell you if it's real or not, or if it's a part of your imagination, but you're not alone, whether this is a figment of our imaginations or real.

Can I ask if you've ever seen anything..? Or felt anything?

Eeek >< Never posted about that on VT before :P

[shatter..]

I believe it is a very real part of my being and personality. I have never suffered from any sort of disorder and am usually a very happy person. I am more introverted and rely on my self more than others. I also feel disconnected from others aswell. Yes, it is a force, kind of like the way I think and feel is darkly. Trying to explain it the best i can here.

[Fiction]

Disconnected as though you're not really the same as them? Like you're somehow beyond the human race?

I feel like that a lot... Not like i'm better or more special than people, but the opposite. I'm worse and don't even deserve to be called human.

I've always associated these feelings and tried to rationalise it as part of my depression but may not...

I asked above but, have you ever seen it? And have you always been like this?

[shatter..]

Yes, sometimes I feel unhuman. other times I'm more connected. It switched on and off. I don't think I have always been like this but it has developed over time. What do you mean by have I seen anything?

[Mutibann]

Chill, it was just a suggestion, and are you being serious, have you really?

Yes I'm serious. I never associated it with an inner demon, just anger and depression all kinda taking over my thoughts for a while. Sorry bout the overreaction. I forgot I was on the computer and not actually talking. It sounded funny in my head.

[Fiction]

Yes, sometimes I feel unhuman. other times I'm more connected. It switched on and off. I don't think I have always been like this but it has developed over time. What do you mean by have I seen anything?

It feels like it developed over time with me too.

And I mean... nvm...

[shatter..]

What else have you experienced?

[NomSan]

I can relate to you, this happens to me quite often as well.

[Fiction]

What else have you experienced?

I thought I saw it once. Almost like black ink spreading over my sight. However I was half asleep at the time and it may just have been that, it was only that once as well.

Sometimes I feel as though I can feel it spreading over my brain as well. :S

I sound crazy :|

[antiabort]

I'm pretty sure this is a normal part of our psychology. Everyone has a "dark side."

[Jean Poutine]

Once upon a time I was quite interested in the occult. I think I was about your age. Every once in a while I reflect on how I'd want to kill myself if it ever came to that, and it always involves traumatizing bystanders. Hanging myself near a trail, throwing myself onto the highway from high up, and so on. I can't say there's anything wrong with that. Fantasies are fantasies and interests are interests.

As for the rest...

I can't say I feel human often. It's hard to explain. I feel like a robot going through the motions. You feel like some sort of evil child : I felt like a parody of a human, an android mimicking humanity but failing. Unless I'm with very significant people for me, my tone of voice stays flat and unexpressive. I have enormous trouble relating to others. I have never felt much empathy for others and I know of only two people who are exceptions to this. I'm here to live. My existance feels completely independant of that of others. Mankind is a naturally social and gregarious species, and I feel completely put aside. Rejected, or perhaps just unable to understand basic human nature. It is extremely frustrating, especially as you grow up and the need for connections becomes painfully evident.

Part of it comes from being very introspected. It's not about having an inner demon or anything like that. Being introspected brings about diminished capacity to relate to others, for obvious reasons. If you've spent all this time looking inside yourself, you lack practice to look inside others and make their feelings your own. Empathy is basic human nature. One by one, we are weak, but as a species, we are the strongest the Earth has ever witnessed. Cooperation and empathy made us what we are, and the inability to understand this part of humanity causes somebody to feel disconnected and frustrated. When you lash out, I bet it's simply a product of frustration, as it was for me. People would approach me and I'd rudely send them back on their way because I simply could not understand their motives. The unknown brings about fear. The interest you have for "what's beyond" might simply be a desire to quash that fear.

I have linked my existence with that of another person for some time now. In other words, we're lovers. It brought along a slew of emotions that I never knew about. Her pain is mine, as is her sorrow, but her joys also. We're connected. It's a magical feeling. It makes me feel like I actually am something, that I might belong. I feel less and less unhuman. I no longer feel like some sort of synthetic mockery that cannot feel or relate. I've begun doing things that are very out of character for me. Anger is my usual coping mechanism : I don't feel the need to lash out at people or objects as often. I've grown in confidence and begun mixing myself with others. It's quite simply breathtaking. It's beautiful. I've missed it for so long, and it took a single extraordinary, dedicated person to bring that aspect of myself out. I don't think I will ever be able to repay her for giving me my humanity.

Don't take this the wrong way, but as you grow up and discover new experiences, new necessities and new responsibilities, the dark in your mind will clear up. Eccentricities beckon more of their kin. My advice to you : stop isolating yourself so much. It took me 21 years to feel like I belong. I wish it had not taken me as long to realize that the darkness in ourselves is often just a product of our own perception. My lover chased away this perception I had of myself by allowing me to relate to others, even if only to her. For you, it might be something else.

[Riotboy]

i thought Schizophrenia but nope read it i think you might be satanic

[shatter..]

Thank you Forseti, a wonderful and truly interesting read.

Riotboy; I thought Satanists "worshipped" themselves and made their own rules. I don't see how this is Satanic. Unless you're serious and can back up your reason I suggest you leave as this has nothing to do with my situation.

[Stronger]

I'm pretty sure this is a normal part of our psychology. Everyone has a "dark side."

I dont think it's that kind of dark side :P

[Slytherin_Prince]

So...if you're interested in dark stuff and the occult, or having "dark" -thoughts-, that means you have a demon inside of you?
Interesting analogy. Anyhow, I digress.

I myself am quite an evil person. I have every right to be, but that still makes me an evil person. The cause of it will remain undisclosed, of course, but you can take my word for it. Still, I know that this has been caused by an event and gradually worsened. I've tried going to a psychiatrist, sure, but they get paid for listening to -my- personal problems. I don't see how my problems should be theirs. Still, I have come to terms with it. Not much that I can do about it anyways. Still, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't spontaneously combust when near a "holy" object. (in response to a certain post)
In response to the other thing, yes, I do feel "unhuman" sometimes. Mostly because I don't think I would deserve to be. Still, I'm proud of what I've achieved, and I recognize that unlike some "evil" people, I still have complete control.

As advice for you, I would recommend professional help if it weren't for my personal experiences with "professional" help. I would actually just accept the way you are, even if you are different.
Besides, everyone has "dark" thoughts on occasion. People think about them so that they will never actually -do- anything of the likes.
Still, as I said, if you are unsure of what to do, I'd recommend looking for professional help. If not a psychiatrist, someone who specializes in these things.

Sincerely,
Robert.

[shatter..]

I am not looking for any help, just people to talk to who have experienced it. I say "inner demon" as a sort of metaphor. A way of describing how I feel. I do not believe I am actually posessed.

[Iris]

I've always had a fascination with evil. I love learning about psychopaths and serial killers, hearing the different ways they torture and kill their victims. Most people would cringe at the shit I read and the pictures I search for and the movies and tv shows I watch. But I love them, as horrific as they are. And sometimes when I think of murders and school shootings, I feel excited just as much as I feel disturbed. But that's where it ends. I don't hurt people if I can help it, physically or mentally, and I try to help comfort and support those in need to the best of my ability. I'm a strong believer in charity, and I empathize strongly with the pain of others. It doesn't matter if there's some darkness inside of me, if I can be a little evil sometimes. That's not who I am, and I very rarely act on some of the darker inclinations I have.

You have power over your actions. Your thoughts and desires, whether good or bad, are only there to influence. In the end, what you do is your choice. That's all that really matters.

[screamtobeheard]

Yes, I can kind of relate. There's a part of you that just...is different. It's darker. Darker images and words fascinate you. The words that flow from your pencil are...strange, disturbing to others. Other people cringe at blood, but it comforts your...or fascinates you, to say the least. Yes, I suppose I kind of understand. It's not possession. It's just...less than human, I think. Who wants to be human anyway?

[shatter..]

screamtobeheard ; that is exactly how I feel. Thank you for posting that. :)

[screamtobeheard]

screamtobeheard ; that is exactly how I feel. Thank you for posting that. :)

Of course. Glad you appreciate the relation.

[shatter..]

It's just I don't have anyone in my 'friend group' that feels the same way I do. I find most of my peers immature anyway.

[screamtobeheard]

Yeah, I know what you mean. If you ever wanna talk, feel free to PM me.

[DarkNick]

It's just I don't have anyone in my 'friend group' that feels the same way I do. I find most of my peers immature anyway.

Some people are afraid to say that they feel like that in public or maybe they don't even realize it...

I can relate to what you feel as well...I feel the same way, I was always feeling that cold and strange side in me, like I'm something like that's not completed and hatches inside.To be honest that's a fact.I became somehow different 'cause I realeased a part of this dark self of me and sooner or later it became me completely. I can't say that I feel evil when I'm in that darker ''form'' let's say, I feel more like a dark,cruel person that talks and acts in order to restore what has been lost (Mr. Justice let's say).Most of the time I release it when I'm alone and I think more clear and more wide some ideas and topics, some other times I release it when I want to react in an emergency situation that happens right away (eg. arguing for something in a really bad way or being in an bad situation...).Once I lost the control and I was feeling like being lost, and the funny thing is that it was in public :P (strange story and something that I don't want to remember since it makes me feel embarrassed!!! :rolleyes: ).I was just feeling that feeling of darkness surrounding me and nothing more, I wasn't thinking clearly what I was doing.
Anyway I guess that most of the time it appears to people who feel more mature or different from the most of their friends,relatives,people around them etc and I also believe that it has to do with puberty 'cause puberty is the time that you decide which of your character features you want to explore and it's also the time that you try stuff, plus the facts that the brain is ''working''-''acting'' more creative than a brain of someone who has done with puberty.
Btw yes I've felt that I may have some problems and that I may've started losing my mind but I went to a psychologist and she told me that everything's OK! :P
My 2 golden cents (I always wanted to say that for a reason!!! :yeah: )

[shatter..]

screamtobeheard: I can't PM at the moment sorry. I don't have enough posts

It's great to know I'm not the only "abnormal" one. xD

[DarkNick]

screamtobeheard: I can't PM at the moment sorry. I don't have enough posts

It's great to know I'm not the only "abnormal" one. xD

Hah there's not a chance for a person at this planet to be the only one who's going through a phase-feeling-situation. :yes:
Remember that! :cool:

[shatter..]

Hah there's not a chance for a person at this planet to be the only one who's going through a phase-feeling-situation. :yes:
Remember that! :cool:

Thank you, I'll keep that in mind. :)

[Spook]

This has happened to me before...comes at random moments, and usually when I don't take my zoloft. I think it has something to do with depression or anxiety.

[shatter..]

Nyra: Ah, I see. So yours has possible causes to why this happens?

[shatter..]

Bumpy

[fire and water]

I understand it; do you like the adreniline rush you get from it? Are you purposefully more daring in aspects than you're friends?

[shatter..]

Yes!

The adrenaline rush does play a big part in it.

I honestly thought I was alone in this whole thing. x

[fire and water]

That's the same as me then, i love the feeling you get. I love walking somewhere risky at night. When i hear a strange noise i walk straight toward it. You don't get many people like it:)

[shatter..]

Yes, everything you have been saying so far describes me. My thoughts tend to be dark as well. It usually comes out in my writing but I have found that music tames it.

[fire and water]

That's the same as me! I love to write, and there is always a dark, sinister spin on the things that i write. I also find that listening to certain music calms me down. I've never met anyone like this:)

[Moxie]

Yes, absolutely.

You are not the only one who feels this way. Thoughts of evil, violent and overall unorthodox subjects plague me for every second of every day. People are things to me, not equals. I am liked by everyone, but I have no friends because I hate everybody that I meet. People just repulse me in general. I have many "friends", mind you, but nobody in the world knows the real me. Everybody I know thinks of me as timid, quiet and kind, but I have contemplated murder and social engineering for infinitely long amounts of time.

Do you honestly feel this way, fully and completely? I have never met somebody like this before, or at least, I am unaware of it if I have.

I have a few questions.
1. What do you think about people in general? Do you see them as equals?
2. Are you in any way sadistic/masochistic?
3. Do you feel empathy/sympathy/compassion at all?
4. Have you ever felt urges to hurt others, physically or mentally?
5. If so, have you ever acted on these urges?
6. What do you feel when you see someone in pain or upset?

I would greatly appreciate it if you would answer these questions, if you so desire.

[ryan2000]

Well, to me, this sounds like a missing "link" in the transport of hormones and other mood-changing chemicals in the brain. As you are growing and developing, so is the rest of you, and your brain may not have adapted yet to the changes, and has been unable to pass the hormone through to the rest of you yet. This hormone is linked to mood, and if there is too big of a gap, can lead to depression. Assuming that before puberty, this never happened, the feelings should begin to fade as the connection is resumed.

[shatter..]

I have a few questions.
1. What do you think about people in general? Do you see them as equals?
2. Are you in any way sadistic/masochistic?
3. Do you feel empathy/sympathy/compassion at all?
4. Have you ever felt urges to hurt others, physically or mentally?
5. If so, have you ever acted on these urges?
6. What do you feel when you see someone in pain or upset?



1. What do you think about people in general? Do you see them as equals?

I suppose, I do see them as equals but I have seen myself "above" them for quite some time. I just see myself as more mature than them.

2. Are you in any way sadistic/masochistic?

Yes, I do think of dark ways of hurting those I dislike, little things like torturing techniques.

3. Do you feel empathy/sympathy/compassion at all?

My sister and some of my friends dislike this part about me but I tend to be very insensitive. I will say things without realizing the effect I am having on others. I tend to hurt many people this way but it is not something that can be helped. I do feel compassion but for me it's hard to feel truly sorry.

4. Have you ever felt urges to hurt others, physically or mentally?

Many times, sometimes I just get so ***sed at others that I can't help but think of hurting them.

5. If so, have you ever acted on these urges?

If I have they have never caused major injuries.

6. What do you feel when you see someone in pain or upset?

If I see someone crying for example I will feel sorry but at the same time I'm mentally telling them to shut up and get over it.

Does this answer your questions?

[Moxie]

Yes. When I meant sadistic/masochistic, however, I meant taking sexual pleasure in hurting others/being hurt, even if just in one's mind.

Either way, I doubt you have a disorder. You probably just don't like people... nothing wrong with that.

[shatter..]

It doesn't have to be the fact that I don't like other people. I just have a naturally dark nature.

[Mortal Coil]

I'm like this. I have a whole host of other issues too, but there is something lurking inside me, which is actually awakened by things like forests and spiderwebs and gothic castles, and it's like I need to feed it or something.
It's not a voice, but it's like a black mass, and when I'm sad/angry I can actually feel it getting stronger, and I'm not so sure that's a bad thing.

[Ravenous1]

It reminds me of myself. I find it strange to have it within me as i have been raised to be kind to others, treat others how you want to be treated and so forth. I call it darkness, i've had it since i was small i always knew i was different but i try and not let anyone know about it. I found it comforting to know im not the only one like this. The time it comes out would be when im angry or lose control, i have lost control and hurt people cuz of it. I regret hurting people cuz of my darkness.

[shatter..]

The last two posts really describe me. Does anyone here write with a sinister theme? If so would you like to share.

[shatter..]

I have reached 100 posts so anyone that wants to PM me about this inner demon is welcome to.

[Rage of the Menace]

1. What do you think about people in general? Do you see them as equals? No.
2. Are you in any way sadistic/masochistic? No.
3. Do you feel empathy/sympathy/compassion at all? Hardly any, i'm very shallow.
4. Have you ever felt urges to hurt others, physically or mentally? All the time.
5. If so, have you ever acted on these urges? I go into a mental state in which i rage listening to Tool (a band)
6. What do you feel when you see someone in pain or upset? I feel, Hey, i got 3 personality disorders and i'm very pessimistic, wtf is up your ass!?

[deadpie]

I have always had dark thoughts. Disturbing images run through my mind, always been fascinated by the unknown, the shadows. Everything demonic that scared my friends intrigued me.

Going on from this and a few other posts I know what you humans are talking about. I'm a pretty sick guy to be honest. I spend a lot of time looking over at images and videos of murders, dissections, executions, suicides, many other things just to get rid of my boredom. I have bones from a goat under my bed that have been there for more than three years now I think. Yes, I do get the urges to hurt other people in the worst ways possible. The scary thing is that the past five months I've been coming in contact with a different person in me that I didn't think was actually there; really confusing to explain.

In fact there's times I go blank in the head during the week. I remember about three weeks ago when I went down the woods where this lake thingamajig is that I always go to - Well, I was walking there and I remember seeing a pair of sandals. I blacked out for about fifteen minutes and just my mind kicked back in while I was walking around there. It really disturbed me; got me thinking about what he does when he takes control. There's a big fear that maybe I have actually hurt people without even knowing it... The fact I can't control that anymore. Makes me think maybe it's not a bad idea to go back to the hospital.

I don't believe in higher powers, but I do see myself as a demon and sometimes a ghost. Nothing can convince me anymore that I'm a human though. This flesh I wear is not mine and it feels like I'm just wearing it like a jacket.

And when I mean a different side of me I don't mean a different emotional side. What I mean is a completely different living creature.

[shashasha]

Sounds like schizophrenia to me:/

[shatter..]

It is not schizophrenia. Don't start diagnosing me without some sorry of support and reasoning why you believe that to be true.

[Mirage]

This is actually intriguing, so you feel as if it is part of you and not an outside entity, correct? That, if so, would be a very interesting thing. Can you post some examples of things this demon says? That would be awesome...thanks!

[ShatteredWings]

It is not schizophrenia. Don't start diagnosing me without some sorry of support and reasoning why you believe that to be true.

This. I really don't believe your schitzo by any means.

This goes highly against the grain of this section of the forum, but I'd actually suggest looking into spirits, demon world. Paranormal shit. You have to weed through the whackjobs to find decent information (especially with demonic, sadly) but it's out there.

You don't strike me as out of control or highly distressed. If anything you seem to be very well aware about your surroundings, which makes the idea of mental illness less likely.

Fascination with the occult, dark or disturbed isn't by nature a bad thing. All this is a part of life. Death is a part of life.
I have an idea what you're talking about, though I'd rather not share details publicly as it gets into things that I'd probably loose all credit if I talked about.

what's dark isn't always bad, what's light isn't always good.

[shatter..]

Yes, it is a part of me. A darker aspect that has been in me all the time. Only as I have been writing it has started to evolve more.

[Wonton]

bumpity bump, here's my opinion.

Do they have cookies??? No? damn. :(

Well, first of all don't go watching a bunch of horror movies and especially those huanting shows, because you'll want to call them and I seriously doubt that those shows actually have real 'ghosts' and all that. I don't know what this could be...perhaps you might want to consult a school consuler or a phsychiatrist? those people could help you with your feelings.

[shatter..]

I don't consider this to be an issue of any kind. It is simply a part of me that has took the time to evolve recently. It is similar to that of a bubbly girl vs. a shy girl. They can't help what they are. When they try to change for others they feel uncomfortable. They react differently to emotions than others of a different personality might. My personality happens to be "dark". Understand? I created this thread to meet others and to discuss topics with other "dark" ones.

[FojeJC]

Wow,
I can't believe this, this whole thread is a ****king description of me.
The actual me, not the Smiley facade I hide behind.
I've always had dark thoughts and I have seen myself apart from the human race, as if I don't belong with my immature "friends".
I find things that my friends frown upon to be quite fascinating or interesting, like blood for example.
I think mine might be a bit more developed than yours, if you have seen my other thread about my killing thoughts.
But I'm not depressed, I'm actually quite happy.
I can relate to so much you've said in this thread.

[shatter..]

@Foje: I know how you feel. We have a lot in common by how we relate to our peers. That's why I'm excited for high school because there is more of a variety of people there. I'll take a look at that forum.

[FojeJC]

You're lucky you have high school in Canada. I'm sure there is a much bigger variety of people there than here, dark thoughts seem to be frown upon by everyone.

Also my darker self might be linked with some kind of mental disorder that doesn't yet have a name.
Oh and I don't write as much, I draw...
I would love to talk further about our interests, that is, if you wouldn't mind.

[shatter..]

You are welcome to PM me any time. :)

[Bluerhino666]

this sounds very similar to me, i can sometimes feel like if the inner being that i know is the true me got out there would be mass destruction and chaos in the neighborhoods surrounding my house. i have always had a love for demons and hellish figures. i used to have journals where i would write about it,but i burned them to try and keep the inner being inside me. now that i think about it this could be the x factor for my pyromanical person i am on the outside, and i dont intend to stop burning things soon. i also sometimes have ddeams about killing people and swimming in endless pools of blood.

[rosspetersonn]

As per my personal overview, I've always had a fascination with evil. I love learning about psychopaths and serial killers, hearing the different ways they torture and kill their victims. Most people would cringe at the shit I read and the pictures I search for and the movies and tv shows I watch. But I love them, as horrific as they are. And sometimes when I think of murders and school shootings, I feel excited just as much as I feel disturbed. But that's where it ends.

[shatter..]

I just finished reading your two posts and I can relate to you completely! Well, except for the burning of the journals. Ha ha.. How long have you guys known you had this "inner demon"?

[Bluerhino666]

i cant remeber back that far, but at least a couple years

[shatter..]

Oh, I see. I don't know how long I have had mine. It has come to full "bloom" recently though.

[KawaiiKimo]

I Agree Kyung Mi.... I Have The Same Thoughts. Except I know I Have One.... Who Else Will Whisper Dark And Vile Things Into My Ear Like : They Dont Care Kill Them All. Just Slaughter Them Like Pigs And Make Them Beg... I swear Sometimes, I Dont Know Where It Comes From.. Its Like A Great Debate About Whether Or Not To Fufill Wishes. And The Crosses And Stuff, Blah! Baloney. The Most I Incurred Around Christian Music Is A Sudden Headache And Anger. Not Enough Evidence To Call Someone Possesed

[shatter..]

I don't feel anything around Christian music, I'm pretty neutral about it. But, hearing actual voices? Maybe you should get that checked.

[Fractured Silhouette]

Have you heard of Kamelot?, you'd probably like them, judging from your dark demeaner. Plus, they're a good band.

It sounds to me like you have an awesome imagination. Which is good, too many teenagers these days lack a good imagination, hold on to it, it's definitely a credit to your person.

In reply to your post, I too have a very dark demeanor. I wouldn't call it an inner-demon however. It call it a different aspect of my personality that I tend to keep hidden because it only suits me when I'm by myself and others would probably not appreciate it.

I wonder why you posted this in the mental illnesses section when it isn't a mental illness? I'm just curious why.

Also, this thread is pretty old, a mod hasn't locked it yet, so hopefully it's still open, this topic interests me. If it's not, I apologize.

[shatter..]

I have not heard of Kamelot but I will look it up. ;) Yes, I do have a good imagination.

I put it in this section because it's to do with a person's mental state, I didn't really find a better place for it. If you have one let me know. =)

[shatter..]

Wow, my dark side has changed a lot I believe.

[InfamousPanda]

I have an evil in me. It struggles to come out and take control, but i normally push it back. Dark thoughts race threw my head all the time, bloddy cuts and gruesome deaths. I like imagining the people around me, like when im in a resturaunt, dying horrible deaths. I get urges to just start lashing out and attack people, sometimes its like i have to physically stop myself from doing it. I'll be walking down a hall, when somebody passes me. Ill imagine stabbing him in the neck with the pencil i'm holding. Im always in control though, i force down these urges and nasty thoughts. Oddly enough, im a pretty good person. I cry at really sad parts in movies. I feel horrible for the child soldiers fighting all around the world. I truely care about people. I'd give a random stranger the shirt off my back if they needed it, because i care. Its like theres two sides of me sometimes. Both sides are the same person, just with wildly different views on things. A good side and an evil side. Sometimes i really wish i could get help, and have just one side completely in control. I'v never told anyone about this, cuz im scared they'll think im crazy. You guys will probually think im crazy :c maybe i am crazy

[shatter..]

InfamousPanda; I do not believe you are crazy, though I don't experience those things I do know someone who does. Yes, he is a very caring friend. I hope you have it under control and it doesn't make your life harder.

[BrainDamage]

I don't think this is any sort of illness but it is a mental aspect so I decided to post it here. Feel free to move it if you need to.

~~

I have always had dark thoughts. Disturbing images run through my mind, always been fascinated by the unknown, the shadows. Everything demonic that scared my friends intrigued me. To give you an idea of what I am talking about here is an excerpt from my journal. Keep in mind that this is my writing and the rights to it belong to me.

Entry:

I really appreciate having a journal. A place where my demonic thoughts and images are finally welcome. This demon has been in me for a while now. It is not a voice; it is another aspect of my personality. It is triggered by thick forests, alternative music, anger, the dark. This is what I have found so far. I get the urge to snarl and can lash out. I can also give "evil" stares. Vassline has been a big help as listening to the dark lyrics resonates with my own energy and calms the beast down. Making me feel powerful yet in control.

<End>

Vassline is a band I found in September.

If you would like me to explain further please ask any questions.

Have you experienced this? Do you know someone who is similar?

I have but instead of vassline, for me its Pink Floyd...

[shatter..]

That's great, we all need a band to escape to.

[Shaka]

I'll check it out soon. I'm just trying to see if anyone else on this site has experienced this. ^_^


Well, you've got 80 replies, surprised to find if they'd not surface several who fit the bill.

I used to actually crave to be a monster, I'd still like to get scarier or do some more forceful things, but I've always had a kind heart two. 2 intended, as I have had dark, harmful, terrible and depraved thoughts too from a young age.
I had to actually do some serious thinking before I finally decided not to kill my mom with a knife (as horrible as that sounds, I was a messed up child who was normalizing and stabilizing my thoughts, and i'm glad I chose as I did.)

I think it's the patron form of Wrath and perhaps that's tied in with Rebellion.
I cannot say for sure but I'm pretty sure to love you, you're someone who has no, or at least very little fear of the dark and knows more then alittle of its secrets. And you'd be understanding of the very low aspects of a wrathfully frustrated, heightened consciousness.
I don't know why I said that or how on earth you'll take it. but there it was. I hope you do take courage to find that life itsself is worth fighting over so you can get a good channel for your wrathfulness. The healer that is best is one who has been hurt gravely before and healed.


Have care Alex, and from your stand turn your demon's wings white and give it a home in love. this I can promise you will bring you great power and sevenfold joy.

[shatter..]

I find that music changes it inside.

[josephdaniel]

I have an evil in me. It struggles to come out and take control, but i normally push it back. Dark thoughts race threw my head all the time, bloddy cuts and gruesome deaths. I like imagining the people around me, like when im in a resturaunt, dying horrible deaths. I get urges to just start lashing out and attack people, sometimes its like i have to physically stop myself from doing it. I'll be walking down a hall, when somebody passes me. Ill imagine stabbing him in the neck with the pencil i'm holding. Im always in control though, i force down these urges and nasty thoughts. Oddly enough, im a pretty good person. I cry at really sad parts in movies. I feel horrible for the child soldiers fighting all around the world. I truely care about people. I'd give a random stranger the shirt off my back if they needed it, because i care. Its like theres two sides of me sometimes. Both sides are the same person, just with wildly different views on things. A good side and an evil side. Sometimes i really wish i could get help, and have just one side completely in control. I'v never told anyone about this, cuz im scared they'll think im crazy. You guys will probually think im crazy :c maybe i am crazy
You just described me to a T

[Fallen Angels]

I'm typically a nice, caring person... other times I'm not. I can feel my inner demon and how it feels sometimes. Typically, when my depression is very bad or when I'm daydreaming. It's almost in love with pain, blood, death. Not necessarily wanting to cause death though. Just fascinated by it. I used to cut myself but have quit... I can feel my inner demon lusting for the blood and pain. It's quite odd. And, hard to deal with. It's like my evil twin I suppose. :P My evil twin that enjoys hurting me <_< I also get disturbing images but I try to block them out.

All of my daydreams involve something terrible happening to me though. Like me getting shot, stabbed, getting checked into a mental hospital and screaming, banging my head against walls in a straight jacket... All of my daydreams have been of me in pain for as long as I can remember. I never understood it. I suppose my inner demon whispering its thoughts to me.

[AuthorX303720]

It is fine to have these thoughts. Edgar Allen Poe (great author for horror, I suggest you read his works) had very dark, wicked thoughts. Maybe your ideas may transform into music, drawing, or literature. Maybe you shall become another Edgar Allen Poe of today! I would love to see you put these thoughts into something else besides, well, thought! So uncap your brain and let the world see whats inside! -Sid

[Wustenfuchs]

You believe in what you force your mind to believe.
You can believe in God, having faith in him. But until I don't personally see God, he's just another deity in the ring. Romans had their gods too, Greeks as well for example. All 'true gods' for the period in which people lived, then they got lost through the ages. The same destiny awaits our current religions, sooner or later. It is inevitable.

You can believe in the Devil, thinking that you have him within you. But lets be sincere. This is just a lame excuse of actually admitting that you have a problem. The only demon inside you, is you.

Remove religion from your life. Remove the source of all the anger, and you'll see the rational path. Read this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypatia), and you'll understand what religion really is.

EDIT: When I tried to suicide (a long story), there wasn't any demon next to me forcing me to do it, and god didn't save me. Being impulsive saved me. I forgot to remove the trigger safety, and well, as you see, I'm still here.

If you want to talk about it, feel free to do it. Unleash 'your demon'. And the fact that music makes you feel better, it's a fact: music is the best anti-depressive that you can find legally and everywhere.