Abyssinian
December 25th, 2011, 11:27 PM
Firstly, I would like to apologise for not being around much, I've had such a busy holiday season! I'm back though with an important question.. and I would appreciate detailed, mature opinions, because this is destroying me.
Secondly, I know it's tl;dr, but I've tried to section it so it's easier to follow.
Thanks in advance!
Backstory - Exactly 11.5 months ago I broke up with my fiance. I had depression caused by a hormone imbalance, so I went on anti depressants. Mistake! I felt numb on those pills, I lost all my emotions and personal connections, and pushed my fiance away until I felt it just wasn't fair on him to keep hanging around, so I ended it.
The day we broke up, I went off the ADs and birth control, got "clean" so to speak. Two months later I saw him again and realised I'd made a huge mistake leaving him. Since then we've become good friends again. And we both know we still love each other.
Side one - I love him. 'Nuff said? We were together for three years, and we were the happiest people in the world. We didn't break up because of anything that happened between us, we were perfect.
I miss him every day, I know he still loves me and the idea of letting go of him forever just re-breaks my heart every day. A huge part of me wants what we had back.
But here's the problem.
Side two - I've spent the last 11 months learning how to be alone. Being positive and happy with all that I have and all the newly opened possibilities!
I want to be in a relationship with a girl, move to a strange country alone, be able to go out dancing every weekend without worrying about the person I'm leaving at home. There's also the fact that I now potentially have love to give to anyone in the world, if I let go of one special person I know I'll find a new one eventually. The freedom is an incredible feeling! I don't know if I'll be able to let go of all that to go back to him.
To sum up - I have never been so torn. If I let him go, I'm reasonably sure I'll wind up with everything I want in life, plus the freedom I need now.. but my heart seems hell bent on clinging to him for dear life, I can't make it let go. A lot of the time I just feel wrong without him by my side.. He's the only person I know who fits with me so well. I don't see how another person so wonderful can exist on the same planet.. but they must, right?
What would you do and why?
And even more tricky.. how would you go about it?
Secondly, I know it's tl;dr, but I've tried to section it so it's easier to follow.
Thanks in advance!
Backstory - Exactly 11.5 months ago I broke up with my fiance. I had depression caused by a hormone imbalance, so I went on anti depressants. Mistake! I felt numb on those pills, I lost all my emotions and personal connections, and pushed my fiance away until I felt it just wasn't fair on him to keep hanging around, so I ended it.
The day we broke up, I went off the ADs and birth control, got "clean" so to speak. Two months later I saw him again and realised I'd made a huge mistake leaving him. Since then we've become good friends again. And we both know we still love each other.
Side one - I love him. 'Nuff said? We were together for three years, and we were the happiest people in the world. We didn't break up because of anything that happened between us, we were perfect.
I miss him every day, I know he still loves me and the idea of letting go of him forever just re-breaks my heart every day. A huge part of me wants what we had back.
But here's the problem.
Side two - I've spent the last 11 months learning how to be alone. Being positive and happy with all that I have and all the newly opened possibilities!
I want to be in a relationship with a girl, move to a strange country alone, be able to go out dancing every weekend without worrying about the person I'm leaving at home. There's also the fact that I now potentially have love to give to anyone in the world, if I let go of one special person I know I'll find a new one eventually. The freedom is an incredible feeling! I don't know if I'll be able to let go of all that to go back to him.
To sum up - I have never been so torn. If I let him go, I'm reasonably sure I'll wind up with everything I want in life, plus the freedom I need now.. but my heart seems hell bent on clinging to him for dear life, I can't make it let go. A lot of the time I just feel wrong without him by my side.. He's the only person I know who fits with me so well. I don't see how another person so wonderful can exist on the same planet.. but they must, right?
What would you do and why?
And even more tricky.. how would you go about it?