My depression is getting worse.

[Dimentio]

Well i get bullied at school all the time, So i never get a break, And i cannot be me, Then my sister picks on me when i get home and my stepdad bes a pedophile to me there too so i never get a break at home, But when i am left on my own, I am depressed as i am with no one, But going out shopping with just me, My mum and of course, My baby bro is the only thing that can keep me happy!
I also have been in the closet for like 4 years and feelings for my friend for like 3 and that is torture, So because of the anxiety, The depression, And the anger problems, I do not eat, Which i do not sleep, Which then i get angry, Which makes me sad, Which makes me have an anxiety attack, Which makes me not eat, Which makes me not sleep, And so on, So all my problems constantly bash together and re bound in to something else.
I also fount a video of one of my only two friend doing something so now i cannot look at him the same and i just don't want to be friends with him now, So i am left with the guy i like who, Well, We only talk in school.
And i am normally constantly depressed and when i am happy, I can feel that depression in me, But like rigth now, I have these HUGE moments of depression which last a fair amount of time, I feel energy less, I keep crying, I can't smile, I have slugish movements, I try to keep away from people and i do not see how i ever would be happy.
And because i am having that right now, And even when i am not, I do not think scuicide as i am a sensible person, Also because i have a fear of death, So all my fears (Which is a lot and range form stupid and little ones to quite big and life changing ones), Also do not help me.
I have been to a councelor but got to attached and when she had to go, I got worse, So i refuse to see one ever again, I wish i could describe my bond with her and how i felt once she had gone.
I just do not know what to do when i am like this, Happy thoughts, Singing, Writing, Drawing, Hitting, Eating, Sleeping, Cuddling, Being alone, I have tried it all, And nothing worked.
Is there any more people like me out there?

[XxfakexX]

This is exactly how my depression was. i'm not sure what advise to give but what mainly got me through was distractions. Like i would ignore the rest of the world and focus on one thing that i liked the look of (like a piece of origami for my example). I'd get so wrapped up in it id temporarily forget. I'm sorry if this doesn't help. You could always try spending more time with your mum and brother, see if they could help a all. Good luck.

[JeydonGT]

I was the same when I was in school I was constantly bullied and had few friends, It is still pretty much the same but I don't get bullied any more but constant arguing around me makes it hard to stay in a happy mood. I am moving in with my dad in a different city to get away from it hopefully that will help.

[Oath]

I'm so sorry that you feel that way. All of the things that you have mentioned are completely normal, everyone goes through dilemmas like that. Be proud of who you are. Don't let others put you down or make you feel hopeless. Don't give up, you say that you have tried many things to control your depression. Keep trying to find something to calm yourself down. If you have to come here and rant about your issues, go on ahead and do so. We are here for you.

Have you tried talking to a professional about being on anti-depressants? Depression is different for everyone. For some people, it is more difficult to control their depression.

[Dimentio]

Thanks, Well i did not notice i Rant a lot, But i do feel quite better when i do, So if it helps, I will carry on doing it what no matter anyone thinks! Ha ha :D
Well one thing i did not list that REALLY helps with my Depression is a bath! Normally i have a bath but no bubbles or cleaning flannel, But if i put in bubble bath normally a stress releaf one and showergel that is good for stress and a soft flannel, I will be in that bath FOREVER! As i feel calm, Happy, Releaxed and it is also nice and hot ha ha, So that is something that cams me down, Wish i could do it everytime i was sad!

[Vian]

I'm terribly sorry about all that you've been through, friend. Seriously, I really mean it, because I know how it feels. I'm also a guy who's suffered from depression along, just that I don't let it overwhelm me entirely that bad anymore. I mean--- I've bravely learned how to deal with it, (My deep thoughts, my true feelings), it's is like carrying a hidden alter ego inside, which occasionally turns into an illicit burden. However, the only thing I barely haven't found myself to endure like you was the bullying, inasmuch as I've set a wall of respect to those morons who like bullying previously, by sending to hospital two of them after trying to bully me unexpectedly. I got so angry when I saw my nose bleeding that I went insane, then kicked them dreadfully. But anyway, yeah, my dude. Like I said, I know how it feels, above all when depression comes to merge with oppression at the same time. It's awfully hard to withstand it!... I know... Unsure, always kind of worried, some special hideout to cry, that you wish you had somebody to trust, and share. God, I don't really see whether I can advise you a thing to help, when I haven't even overcome my own issues yet. But you said if there's anybody out here feeling like or similar to you, and yes. Don't doubt it. Hope my reply at least makes you feel a bit better, now that you know that somewhere there're more guys like you. wish the best, friend. Bye