Extremely Confused =S

[Benedictus]

Hey, I've been thinking about posting this for a long while now.

I'm extremely confused about my sexuality and although people say that labels aren't important, this issue just bugs me.
For the past 3 years I have mainly been attracted to men (though only in porn really) and so I have inclined towards thinking I am gay. I cannot relate to other guys my age when they talk about women, because they really do not turn me on (again in porn, but also in normal life), other than that, I don't feel 'different' and I still find women attractive and nice to look at. I get along with loads of guys and girls and I like the same things as other guys - like games and sport- but I cannot relate to them when they talk about girls.
But, from time to time, women really do turn me on (men always turn me on in porn no matter when) and sometimes I get aroused by them but this isn't very often. I have also had crushes on girls, never on boys really, I've only found them attractive but not fantasised about them. And I have had a girlfriend before - not a serious relationship - who I did kiss (just the once, I was only 13 =S) and I remember I was so nervous and had to muster up the courage to just kiss her =S I also had a crush on a girl recently who I sat next to in lessons, and I remember when she asked me who I liked, I just got completely nervous and wanted to say her but was scared she would laugh at me.

As you can see, I am completely confused. I know I am bisexual at least, but these fluctuations in what attracts me has me completely confused. In my head I believe I am gay, but in my heart I believe I am straight because I literally keep wanting a girlfriend and I can't stop myself from going up to a girl who I like at the moment and trying to get her to talk to me.

If anyone can shed some insight into whether they have been through something similar, or any actions you think I should take, please reply =S

[Donkey]

Let's just clarify something here. In order to be gay, you need to be physically and emotionally attracted to the same sex only. And in order to be straight, you need to be physically and emotionally attracted to the opposite sex only. You don't fit into either of these categories.

Listen man, labels really don't matter. Sexuality is a complex thing and will have you confused for a long time - potentially well into adulthood. For some it's a much easier thing than others; it will settle down a little more as you get older and the stronger hormones that you experience during puberty begin to calm down. But that isn't to say you can't know you are straight, gay or bisexual while you are still going through puberty. I'm pretty sure where I am. One other thing - most gay guys don't feel any different either. Most gay guys like sport and "guy things" just like other guys. If you didn't know I was gay, you wouldn't guess. That goes for most gay guys. You only notice the flamboyant ones that pertain to the stereotypes.

If you don't fit into any labels, and you don't feel comfortable with labeling yourself just yet - then don't! Sexuality is very fluid. People aren't just gay or straight. For me, I've always been attracted to males. Physically and emotionally. But I've had a lot of times where I've questioned my attraction to females, and those times do make things confusing. I still consider myself gay cause there are only very few females I am attracted to and then it is very unlikely for me to be particularly emotionally attracted to them.

Just chill out dude. Date who you like and you have a long time left to decide what your "official" sexuality is.

[Benedictus]

Thanks Rafiki =D Cleared some things up straight away!

[Ninjanoodle14]

Hey man I totally get your situation I kinda feel the same way too but we should worry cause it really doesn't matter. We should chat some time! :)

[kidrauhl]

Hey man, you can't judge your sexuality from porn.

[pmm98]

I just want to start out by saying; porn is absolutely, positively a HORRIBLE way of judging your sexuality. Porn is nothing. Porn is just a movie that your watching. If you watch a horror movie with a killer in it, does that mean your are going to be a killer? No. It also does not mean that you are going to be the victim of a killer. To put it in terms that relate to the situation more, if a straight man watches gay porn, is he gay? No. Just like a gay man watching straight porn is not straight. Porn does not define you, at all. Most teenagers can get aroused or attracted to anything. Also, porn is pretty fake, because what you see in porn is nothing like the real deal. When your in a relationship with the person you love you won't be smacking them around like a piece of dirt. You'll be cherishing their body.

Now, more to the point. You said that you can't relate to guys when they talk about girls. This really is irrelevant and doesn't mean much. It might just mean that you don't like to talk about girls. It also could mean that you don't stare at every girls tits or ass as they walk by. Let me tell you, i'm pretty sure i'm straight as I couldn't be happy in a relationship with a guy, and I do not stare at every girl as they walk by. I do very rarely in fact, unless they are a very noticeable individual. So my point is, that doesn't mean that your gay. It means nothing.

You also said that you get along with plenty guys and girls alike and you like typical stuff; sports, video games, etc. Again this means nothing. It is COMPLETELY stereotypical to think that every gay man is walking around with makeup on, in really tight jeans, with designer shoes and a scarf while doing dramatic hand gestures as he speaks. Most gay men are just your average guy, doing what they love. Most teenagers, (my friends included), judge people on stereotypes. Is it something you can change? Nope. Does it matter? Nope. You do what you love and that's it. Your hobbies/interests do not define you as gay or straight.

I would agree that you are confused about your sexuality and if you TRULY feel the need to label yourself, I would go with bicurious. This means that you have a physical attraction to the same sex as well as a physical and emotional attraction to the opposite sex but are unsure of your sexuality.

With all that being said, only you can truly know what you are. If you are gay, chances are you know deep down inside you just aren't ready to accept it yet. I'll tell you that before I came to the conclusion that I was straight, I went through a lot of bicuriousity and sexual questioning. It's normal! I don't think anybody who hits puberty is just immediately like, "Yup, i'm straight" or "Yup, i'm gay". Everybody searches for themselves in this regard and it's extremely normal! DON'T STRESS! Life is too short to be worrying about this kind of stuff. You have your whole life! Wait until you graduate high school, because than your hormones will have settled down a bit and your thought process will be a bit more developed.

Also, one last thing, ENJOY YOUR CONFUSION WHILE YOU CAN! It might sound strange but honestly, if you can get aroused by anything at this point, ENJOY IT! One day you might be that guy in the viagra commercial. Puberty can be difficult sometimes, but hang on and enjoy the ride. All your questions will be answered in time!

Good luck!