It's been a while

[HeartCoreHannah]

As of Monday of last week which was the 12th, it had been exactly one month since I had cut or burned. I was so proud of my self, I felt like nothing could stop me from getting better. Then last Thursday, my brother freaked out on me. He told me to go slit my wrist, I was ruining everything, and was breaking a part our family. I had a break down and tried killing myself. After that happened, I have cut every day since. I thought I was past caring what other people thought about me.. Or said to me. I guess I thought wrong.

I ended up getting stitches Sunday night. All together I had to get 24. It felt good to be cutting again, but after I had to get the stitches and I came home, I felt like complete shit. At the point, I do believe I have hit rock bottom again.. And I don't think I'm strong enough to bring myself back up for a fourth time.. And to be honest, I don't think I want to bring myself back up this time.

All the therapy in the world isn't going to help me as long as I'm being berated by the people I THOUGHT loved me most.

I'm done trying to get better. I'm done trying to please everyone else. I'm done having hope. And I'm done with wanting to live..

I plan on signing off here and cutting.. Not sure how bad tonight though... Guess I'll know after I'm done.

Goodnight world of VT. <3